I am planning on moving out 2500 miles away. I am under 25, have no family or anything here holding me back, except extended family. My little cousin is 9, and I am a big part of her life. Should I move or not? She found out from her mom and dad, not me, I havn't been able to talk to her to tell her, and today I got a yahoo message from her begging me not to move. she is the only one who has made me feel guilty about the move. how can i explain it to her and help her understand why I am doing it, and also to not feel so bad? is it normal to feel this way?
2006-09-09 16:44:48 · 11 answers · asked by penguin_king_99 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thanks everyone, yeah everything in her life is normal, i just am her fav cousin
2006-09-09 17:44:16 · update #1
Ofcourse it's normal. It wouldn't be natural to not feel sorry when you feel like you're hurting someone who's important to you.
You need to sit down with her in person, and explain why you're going. Encourage her to know you will still come visit, still keep in touch, and will always be there for her.
As harsh as it may sound, this is your life. When she is old enough, she will be able to make her own decisions, too, and though she can't understand that now, trust that she will later.
Explain you need to do this for you, and why you're going. Be sure she doesn't think it's because you don't care for her (as most children do, like it's a punishment for something they've done)
You did not have a child, obviously, because you have goals and things you would like to accomplish. You need to follow through with them, and live.
Unless she's in trouble or unsafe wherever or whomever you're leaving her with (which i'm sure she's not), you need to do whats best for you.
You can't run your life by what other people want you to do, or try to guilt you into. Honestly, I'm sure she loves you, but 9 year olds are fickle. She's afraid of losing her friend.
She will be fine, and other than her (since she's obviously 9, and not fully matured), everyone who really cares for YOU will understand what you need to do, and will respect you for it, and wish you the best.
Try not to let it get to you! And don't forget to write her and call!
Goodluck, hun :)
2006-09-09 16:58:05 · answer #1 · answered by m0o p!e 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must have had a good reason for making this move. Explain it to your cousin, and tell her that just because you are living somewhere else, she's still an important part of your life. With internet, you can keep in close touch and perhaps during a vacation break, she could come and visit you.
Nine year olds are very mercurial --up and down in an instant. Her heart will be broken today, but she'll be over it next week. So don't let her make you feel guilty. It's your life, not hers. But do make it clear to her that you still love her, and will still be close to her.
Nine year olds just don't like change. This is the age that drives teachers nuts at the beginning of the year, because if they aren't in the same class with their buddies from last year, they go bananas. But they soon get over it and make new best friends.
2006-09-09 23:50:34 · answer #2 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way your are feeling is completly normal, your cousin is only 9, so she really doesn't understand what is going on. There is really no good way to explain it to her to make her understand. She may realize it later on, but right now she looks up to you and feels she is losing a play buddy she wont see like ever.
Don't let it hender you decison completly, but take it into consideration. When making that big if a move you must take everything into consideration.
Me and my wife are planning on moving from California to Texas, well rather thinking about it. There is so much to think about its crazy, we just had a son, nd now he won't be able to see his grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, holidays we won't get to see everyone unless we go there or they come to us.
It's allot to think about, make sure before youmake such a big move, it's not something you want to regret afterwords.
2006-09-10 00:09:29 · answer #3 · answered by Roje 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its normal, or at least should be. one of the biggest problems our kids have ahead of them is divorce and relocation. well i guess that makes 2. it all depends on what you value most and whats good for you. in 2 to 3 years she will have other things going on, like boyfriends, social activities, ect. you will be put on the backburner. you have to worry about you, cause no one else will. theres nothing you can say, the hurt will be there and remain until shes old enough to understand. fortunately this is the 21st century with computors and you can stay in contact. i would also wonder why shes begging you not to move. is everything in her life normal?
2006-09-10 00:20:14 · answer #4 · answered by chris l 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can think of is this. Will moving give you more benefit and fulfillment than staying? Is whatever your planning on doing out there worth more than staying near your cousin. Whichever you feel you want to do more is what you shoul do.
2006-09-09 23:48:18 · answer #5 · answered by zooba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't disclose the reason behind your move - 2,500 miles will put an incredible space between you and your cousin! Weigh those miles against whatever benefits this move will give to your life and make your decision! God bless!
2006-09-09 23:52:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes...of course it's normal...but explain to her that sometimes people have to make difficult choices as adults, but that you still love her very much and promise to stay in contact with her (then KEEP YOUR PROMISE!) and that she can visit you and you will visit her whenever possible. Let her know she can always call you or e-mail and that distance will not change the relationship you have with her
2006-09-09 23:50:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure it's normal but you have to let your cousin know that you want to do this ..But that she will always be in your heart and you can always talk on Instant messenger.. Sometimes we have to leave to see what else there is to offer..She will be fine as long as you stay in touch
2006-09-10 00:06:43 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you enjoy your family...don't move.
If you have problems communicating with them and feel uncomfortable in their presence...move.
There is no reason to prolong uncomfortable circumstance with people you disagree with just because they are labeled "family".
2006-09-09 23:55:41 · answer #9 · answered by jaike 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are you moving? if it's for a job tell the kid that. it's not like she's gonna jump off a bridge cause you left.
2006-09-09 23:51:19 · answer #10 · answered by xknyghtmayre 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋