2006-09-09 15:57:39 · 15 answers · asked by claymaker951 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
2006-09-09 16:00:03 · answer #1 · answered by .oh snap.london bridge.oh snap. 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens' room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens' room door, it was "OCCUPIED." The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies' room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR."
Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.
He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!" Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of Warm Air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The button marked "PP" yielded a large Powder Puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR."
When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!" The nurse replied, "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the "ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover... Your penis is under your pillow!"
2006-09-09 23:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by summerbrze 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK...
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued
by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at
her six items on the belt and saw no thing particularly unusual about her
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, " 'Cause you're ugly."
2006-09-09 23:33:38 · answer #3 · answered by iamjustme 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is long, but cute:
A man was getting ready to leave work one night when he got into his car and it wouldn't start. He worked out in the middle of nowhere, so he waited by the road for someone to come along, and finally a preacher on a horse stopped.
"You can take my horse home," said the preacher."To make it go, you say, 'Praise the Lord,' and to make it stop, you say, "Amen.'" The man gets on the horse and heads for home. Pretty soon he's going pretty fast, being that he's late for dinner, when up ahead he sees a cliff. He cannot remember the word to make the horse stop, and he's getting closer and closer to the cliff.
Panicked, he says his final prayers and finishes with "Amen."
The horse stops three feet short of the cliff.
"Phew!" says the man, "Praise the Lord!"
2006-09-09 23:09:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I will try lol!!!!!!!!!! A little farm boy was walking to the school bus one morning when he began kicking farm animals. First he kicked a pig. Then he kicked a chicken. Lastly he kicked a cow.
His mother, watching from the kitchen window decided she would handle the situation after he returned from school. When he comes home from school, his mother confronts him and says "I seen you this morning kicking those farm animals. since you kicked a pig you get no pork products for a week. Since you kicked a chicken you get no eggs for a week. Since you kicked a cow, you get no beef products for a week. Now go wait for your father and tell him what you have done. "
The young boy goes and waits for his father. When his father comes home from a long day of work he is so mad he kicks the cat across the front yard. The boy looks to his mother and says "You wanna tell him no pussy or do you want me to?"
2006-09-09 23:01:34 · answer #5 · answered by babyblue 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Little Johny stood up
------------------------- a new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses she started her class by saying,"Everyone who thinks you're stupid stand up!"
After a few seconds,Little Johny stood up.the teacher said do you think you are stupid,Little Johny?"
"No,ma'am,but i hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
RedNeck Baby
------------------
you might be a redneck if your baby's first words were,"attention,K mart shoppers."
Zip,Dick and Pee
----------------------
There were one's three boys Zip,Dick and Pee.There teacher went out of the Classroom so they decided to get up to some mischief.Zip got on the top of the Cupboard,Dick got inside and pee jumped around outside.The teacher came and said ,"Zip down,Dick out and Pee in the corner!"
lol
2006-09-10 00:22:18 · answer #6 · answered by aanu 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Q:What animals in Noahs ark did NOT come in pears.
A:Worms-they came in apples!
2006-09-10 00:44:38 · answer #7 · answered by pepelequoi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I have already posted my 6 funny jokes.
You will have to look for my picture to read them.
2006-09-10 04:58:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
When your life is full of the darkness.Please close your eyes and pray to God.
Then,if u look the darkness stay aroun u.Hence,
pay your electric bill...........................
Have a nice day! :)
2006-09-10 04:27:45 · answer #9 · answered by ryn 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I only do bad jokes.
2006-09-09 22:59:53 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋