Advice on how to deal with my boyfriends family that hates me?

Question

Really, Im a nice person but my boyfriend and I have been together a while and we have been thru alot that his family knows about. They think Im just tryin to ruin him and I am just bad news to him. Him and I are both adults but he knows that if he chooses to be with me then he is also choosing to walk away from his family. It seems theres no talkin to his family. They hate even hearing my name. His mother is in the last stages of breast cancer and the sound of my name serious raises her blood pressure. We really love each other so how can he have me without having so loose his family?

Answer 1

Well, it sounds like there is a long story here. It sounds like you have some responsibility in them not liking you (hating you). It also sounds like there is a serious situation in his family right now and that your relationship to your boyfriend is hurting his family (esp the dying mother). My advise is for you guys to respect his mother and his families wishes at least for now and if you're going to continue to see each other then keep it quiet. No point upsetting them even more in this difficult time. If you guys love each other and are committed to each other then your relationship should survive this. Also, whatever it is you did to piss them off - maybe you should look at that and whether they have a right to feel the way they do. Maybe you need to make some changes or apologies or something... If not, and they're the ones with the problem then, believe me there's nothing you can do to change them. You can't change people. I've learned the hard way. All you can do is accept what is. Good luck.

Answer 2

I know this sounds cold hearted but be patient, his mother is on her way out, it's just a matter of time. Don't ask him to choose between his mother and you. Just be there for him and keep your opinions about his mother to yourself.
If his mother were well and healthy, I would tell you to walk away from the relationship or your life would be very unhappy. After she is gone you can go on with your lives without the drama.
If the other family members don't like you, I would suggest moving to another state, this way they can't be in your business. This is s tough decision that only you and he can make so talk it out together. Good luck.

Answer 3

Since the mother is in the last stages of breast cancer she has enough to deal with and there's no need to bring up the relationship while you two continue having it. For the time being keep the two relationships separate and do not make unnecessary issues if not needed. You can't force them to like or accept you. Since you state that you are both adults you should be able to figure out how to keep peace, how to have your relationship away from the family and he still have a relationship with his family esp his mother-were she to die him knowing that you caused her grief may cause problems later-cool it for like I said you can't force your self on them or anyone. If you are truly in love with him and ACT like you have his best interest at heart that in time should become obvious to everyone around you BUT if you continuously cause problems-Well?Perhaps you need to step back and examine yourself and question why they think so badly of you-what did you do or could have done without being aware that caused them to be so against you. If there were,are some factors,although unintentional,change and if then be loving,kind,considerate and do not put him in the middle for that usually in time backfires and not fair to him.

Answer 4

Well,you can't help love,and if he is in love with you than his family will have to deal with that or nothing,they should make him choose,it doesn't work like that when you are in love,you may be the one he spends his life with,so if he has to walk out on family they will have the lost.

Answer 5

Do the very best to give him the space he needs to make his family THINK your not together until things blow over with his mom being sick and then...... BAM marry him to show them how much you really love him! Just hang in there the best you can! * If his family still doesn't agree it's their problem!

Answer 6

actual, they're very impolite certainly, and they are behaving in a fashion that ignorant, judgemental ppl behave. they ought to understand more beneficial positive than to without delay anticipate that merely becasue it really is their son that he's powerful and also you're undesirable. to boot, there are continually 2 aspects to a tale or to a situation, and that assuming one man or woman is ideal and the different is inaccurate, is merely stupid portion of do. you would imagine that adults would understand more beneficial positive. do not hardship about what they imagine of you for now, because that's not substantial besides. this example you're in is amazingly smooth one. attempt now to not communicate about it too a lot, if at fascinated about now a minimum of, until eventually it receives worse. per chance what you should do is quit it in that's tracks. Do somethng sly, case in aspect: once you recognize his be certain can listen you 2 speaking, yet fake that you imagine they cant listen you, say something loudly like... "hun i'm so satisfied I forgave you for talking to that grl behind my back. that change into tousled of you yet i love you." Than even as they listen that, the moms and dads will sense quite stupid. also, you should do/purchase powerful issues for youf bf and make confident his moms and dads understand. you should even bake him deserts and pies, and depart them at his domicile for him and the kinfolk. by some potential, make it basic that your bf talked to a lady behind your back. you should even write what I informed you to assert down in a letter to him, and "by probability" drop it through his moms and dads room.

Answer 7

ur not datin his family ur datin him...if they respect him then they will leave it alone