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What is it like for a child to grow up in a violent home?

Chaos: The children may never know what to expect at home. Their
parents' mood can change instantly from loving to enraged.

Fear and tension: The daily anger and violence create a living
nightmare for the children. They may grow up being afraid of
everything and trusting no one.

Danger: Often, the children are the intended victim of one or both
parents. Other times, they get caught in the middle and are hurt or
killed by accident.

Confusion: The children often receive mixed messages. For example:
at school they learn hitting is wrong, at home they learn that
hitting is used to "solve" problems.

Isolation: Often, an abusive parent shuts off the family from the
outside world. And the children may withdraw from their peers and
other adults too.

Hopelessness: The children often blame themselves for the violence
but they feel powerless to prevent, stop or escape from it.

Love/Hate Relationship: They may feel protective of an abused
parent. But they may also resent him or her for not stopping the
abuse. Sometimes the children may feel close to the abuser.
Other times, they may hope he or she goes away or dies. They may
feel guilty for not being able to rescue the family or for loving
someone who is abusive.

Answer 1

How can you tell of a child may be living in an abusive home?
Warning Signs

Unusual or unexplained injuries

Chronic illnesses, headaches or stomachaches

Signs of neglect, such as poor hygiene or dirty clothing

Withdrawal (for example, playing alone or having no friends)

Depression or low self esteem

Use of violence to solve conflict

Trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping during school

Flashbacks or nightmares

Difficulty expressing emotions other than anger

School problems, including lengthy absences

Acting overly responsible (as if they're the adult of the family)

Positive Influences in a child's life can help him or her overcome
the negative ones.

Positive role models: many children who grow up with violence
credit a relative, teacher or friend's parent with showing them a
better way and giving them love.

Family support: being close to brothers and sisters (or other
relatives) helps children feel loved and needed.

Community support: positive youth activities and mentoring program
give children a chance to learn new skills. It also helps them have
a sense of purpose in life and build self esteem.

Individual therapy: can help family members rebuild self-esteem,
learn to trust again and develop healthy ways to express emotions.

Group therapy and self help support groups can provide support for
people who have similar experiences. Missouri Shores Domestic
Violence Center has a children's' as well as an adult support group.

Programs for abusers: to help them understand that they and only
they are responsible for their abusive behavior and that only they
can stop the behaviors.

How You Can Help

Set clear limits let the child know your rules and limits. Be
consistent in how you reward success and how you deal with
misbehavior.

Help reduce stress a child from a violent home is under a lot of
stress. Create a calm, safe environment with "quiet times"
and "sharing times", etc.

Be honest a child may want you to fix a family problem. Let him or
her know what you can and cannot do to help. Don't make promises
you can't keep.

Encourage play help a child break free from the isolation. Provide
lots of opportunities for play, especially with other children.

Teach non violence discourage children from fighting and teasing.
Encourage cooperation and tolerance.

Teach personal safety rules help children from violent homes make a
safety plan and practice it. The plan should include: Escape
routes * safe places to go if there's a fight * how to call for help

Children who live with violence in their homes have many struggles
ahead. We all must get involved with the children. It takes every
single individual in our community getting involved to help put an
end to domestic violence. So, if a child asks you for a bit of your
time, please give it. Even just five minutes can make a difference
in a child's life. It tells the child that they are worthwhile and
that someone cares. If you know or suspect that there is violence
in a child's home, please help him or her to feel safe and to know
that the violence is not his or her fault. If you suspect child
abuse, please make a phone call and help to protect the child. We
all must get involved because today's children of violence are
tomorrow's abusers and victims.

Family violence affects us all.

Answer 2

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