Parents: What is the best way to deal with a 6 year old who has temper tantrums?

Question

She also does it in public and it's really embarrassing - I feel like a bad parent.

Answer 1

Temper tantrums at home, ignore her. If she is ignored she'll learn that her behavior doesn't effect you. If you tell her to stop, she's just going to keep doing it. Tell all your family that if she's having a temper tantrum, pretend like she's not even there. She'll eventually tire herself out. Tell her when she's calm that her temper tantrums are not an effective way to get your attention and get her way.

If your child has a tantrum in public, go to the car or some other isolated place immediately and then proceed to ignore the behavior. Don't let the prospect of embarassment make you behave any differently than you would at home. (take turns having someone watch her, it's a pain but it will get her to realize she isn't the boss)

Control your own anger. Tantrums are extremely disconcerting, but your shouting will further upset your child. Above all, don't resort to spanking or hitting. This will not resolve the tantrum and it sends the message that hitting is okay. The example you set is also important.

Don't bribe. Bribing will only teach her that she's winning and every temper tantrum will be rewarded with a bribe.

Answer 2

Don't yell, don't hit - ignore the behaviour as much as possible, and that will be extremely difficult. Do NOT give her what she wants as a way to get her to be quiet (i.e. a candy bar at the grocery checkout when she hasn't earned it). Talk quietly to her, no matter what and keep saying over and over and over "Your behavior is not appropriate". Say nothing else.

If you are in a restaurant, please leave and take the child elsewhere - nobody wants to hear it when they go out for a relaxing meal. If that was what she was throwing a fit over, she will think that she has won. If that IS what she was throwing a fit over, (yes, I did this once and the behavior never happened again), make her sit on the floor under the table in absolute silence. Don't make the demand a discussion, again do not yell an do not hit. She must sit on the floor and be quiet while everyone finishes their meal - but don't take any longer than necessary to do so.

Yellling and hitting will get you nowhere. It will take a lot of patience, a lot of being ALWAYS consistent in your response - and DO NOT give in or resort to bribery - that only teaches her that given enough of a tantrum she can get what she wants.

Good luck!

Answer 3

That's a tough one. I wouldn't say ignore it. It's unacceptable behavior. I don't believe in spankings. That's just adding fuel to the fire. And I still resent my parents for hitting me (36 now) Walk away and make her realize she's getting no where by behaving this way. In public, I used to let my son play with something in the store and then put it back on the shelf when I was done. I would bribe him at the grocery store and tell him I'd buy him a $1-2 book or match box car if he didn't make a peep. It worked for him. Did I mention he collected some nice books and cars from that little deal.

Answer 4

Let them cry it out, and never give them what they are crying for because that shows them that they can get what they want when they want all they have to do is through a temper tantrum.

Then maybe depending on how your child is talk to them when they are done crying and explain to them why they didnt get what they wanted. Reward good behavior.

Stay strong and dont show any sign of weakness, in public people may stare but they will give you credit for not giving in even though same say they would smack them when they got to the car.

Answer 5

Pop her on the butt. When she throws a tantrum in public, if in a safe area, walk off and ignore her. As long as you can see her it is ok to do so. Take away TV time, Computer time, DVDs, toys, until she learns that tantrums are not the way to get what she wants. When she does something good praise her. She will like getting praise better than getting in trouble.

Answer 6

At home, a time out in a very out of the way place with no toys, TV or distractions.

In public, remove her (by picking her up and carrying her if necessary) from the situation. Take her to the car, or someplace quiet, but don't leave her there alone.

Even when my kids were teens, they knew that if they were to make a stink in public, I would just simply get up and leave. I would not argue, try to conjole, or shout at them. I just calmly removed them (when they were young) from the situation. When they were older, they did not have tantrums, but if they got argumentative, I would just walk away from them.

Answer 7

She is trying to get a reaction out of you. Ignore her when she has a tantrum. Later, tell her that you will answer her if she talks to you about what it is that she wants. She is wanting attention. Try spending time with her doing things like coloring, cutting and pasting, reading books, etc... But don't respond to a tantrum.

Answer 8

You need to find out what is positively reinforcing that temper tantrum. Get rid of that reinforcement and the tantrums should eventually go. I know that is easier said than done... believe me I know. But they have tantrums because they have more to gain than lose. Turn it around on her. Make her the loser in that situation.

Answer 9

In public give her "the eye" and when you get home give her a time out in the corner for about 20 minutes standing. If it doesnt get better start taking things away from her, toys, books, tv, music.... eat supper and straight to bed. Trust me she will behave herself next time. And no your not a bad parent.

Answer 10

Don't let the tantrum be successful. Stay calm and firm. Decide the consequences of a tantrum, warn her ahead of time, and follow through.

For my children, I would warn them if they misbehaved in a store, we would just leave. One or two times they tested me. I just took their hand and left, leaving th buggy behind. They could hardly believe it, but that stopped the behavior.