I met this girl online, and we were doing really well. We were going steady for about 2 weeks when she decided to breakup with me. She has had past issues with guys before, and feels like she can't be with anyone. We are still broken up, but we still talk with each other, and things aren't bad between us, just the fact that we arn't together. She tells me that she feels as if she should spend the rest of her life alone, but I want to help get out of that state of mind. Does anyone know how to help or have had this problem before?
2006-09-09 13:39:29 · 16 answers · asked by lonely_wolf 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I was the same way too. I was scared of commitment because I didn't want to get hurt again, and wasn't trusting. It took my boyfriend a year (!) to convince me at least not to give up and keep trying. I am still trying to learn how to trust again. That is how we were, sort of like broken up, but talking; this way was easier for me, because if he will want to leave, we are not sort of like together anyway, so I'm not getting abandoned again.
Here is what he is doing to keep us going: he stated firmly that even though he feels I'm pushing him away, he WILL NOT go away, and will keep fighting for me. He states that he loves me unconditionally. He refused to accept my hesitations and stated once and for all that we are together now and forever. He did not allow me to get into any emotional baggage issues stating that he will not let me to bend him out of shape again. In short, he took the matter into his own hands, and he was persistent. I am very happy he did.
2006-09-09 14:50:52 · answer #1 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first? have you seen her already? I think a relationship built due to online talking could not be trusted at all. Who knows if the other person is just telling the things you want to hear. So i think before asking yourself why this girl cant love you, assure yourself first that you love her and be sure its an acceptable reason. and always keep in mind that seeing each other and knowing things about a certain individual personally is one of the greatest factor of a worthwhile relationship
2006-09-09 20:58:17 · answer #2 · answered by smooth criminal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you cannot control the feelings of other people, what you can do is let her know that you care about her and that you dont want to be with her cause of the sex or the physical aspects of a relationship, but because of your strong feelings for her. You also need to mention that together , you can both defeat those fears that she has (fear of commitment I suppose, based on your description of the problem)
Good luck dude, i mean it
2006-09-09 20:43:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you actually seen her face to face? And if she feels this way then you should respect her and you can either wait and just be her friend or move on. It was only 2 weeks. As far as her state of mind you cannot change that, it has to come from with in her.
2006-09-09 20:42:39 · answer #4 · answered by slanteyedkat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be her friend if you really care about her and if you become a person that she trusts then she might let you come closer...until eventually you might be the best man she's ever had in her life... Just take it easy and slow. She probably needs time to heal from the bad ones from her past.
2006-09-09 20:43:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have had this problem before but with a guy.....something may have happened to trigger a fear....my suggestion is just be there for her but don't push for anything. The issues she has she has to work out and the best thing to do is be understanding and be there...if she cares about you, she'll come around....
Be supportive and positive and understanding and caring.....all you can do.
2006-09-09 20:43:24 · answer #6 · answered by kippsboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has been burned before, is afraid to go thru it again. Just give her time and keep on being her friend. Who know, it'll grow into a serious relationship. Have patience...
2006-09-09 20:45:22 · answer #7 · answered by Kathleen S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LISTEN TO WHAT SHE IS SAYING!!!!!
SHE HAS BAGGAGE, DUDE, AND YOU DON'T WANT TO END UP BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR IT!!!!!
IT IS HER CHOICE TO GET RID OF HER BAGGAGE. MAYBE SHE DOESN;T KNOW THAT CARRYING IT AROUND WILL CONTAMINATE ALL FUTURE REALTIONSHIPS. MAYBE SHE IS STILL BITTER AND BLAMING PAST EX'S FOR HER FEELINGS..... THAT'S BAD NEWS.
MOVE ON FROM HER. IF SHE IS GOING TO LET HER PAIN DEFINE HER, AND INSIST ON CARRYING ALL THAT BAGGAGE, SHE DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND SHE KNOWS IT. YOU CERTAINLY DON'T DESERVE TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS. AND YOU CAN'T CHANGE, HELP, OR FIX HER. YOU JUST HAVE TO CREATE SOME DISTANCE. IF SHE WANTS TO, SHE WILL COME AROUND, EVENTUALLY.
YOU CAN'T MAKE ANYONE LOVE YOU. YOU CAN'T EXPECT THEM TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FEELINGS. THAT IS TOTAL NEEDINESS, WHICH SCARES PEOPLE AWAY.
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. NO ONE ELSE WANTS THAT KIND OF RESPONSIBILITY.
BACK OFF AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE. SOMEONE WHO IS HAPPY AND WANTS TO SHARE THAT WITH YOU.
2006-09-09 20:49:31 · answer #8 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL, ALL YOU CAN DO IS TELL HER. SHE HAS TO WANT TO CHANGE. THE WORSE THING IN THE WORLD THAT WE AS HUMANS CAN DO IS TO EXPECT SOMEONE TO BE OR TURN INTO SOMETHING THAT THEY JUST AREN'T CAPABLE OF BEING. JUST GIVE HER SOME TIME, IT'S ONLY BEEN A COUPLE OF WEEKS...GOOD LUCK!
2006-09-09 20:42:46 · answer #9 · answered by CHASE_ME 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've had it myself. It's hard to trust onliners. You know that they are talking to more than just you.
2006-09-09 21:37:38 · answer #10 · answered by Tet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋