Past shyness has ruined my life?

Question

I've made a lot of improvements from childhood and high school, but it just seems too little too late. for instance, everyone else is already doing internships and I'm struggling just to get a part time job that teenagers would do because I don't have any experience from high school. I regret that I didn't try to improve when I was younger because having a social life just happened automatically back then. Now I have to start from scratch, since when you're older everyone has their own agendas and it's up to you to make things happen. It's also hard to meet people because how am I supposed to find things to talk about when I've been doing nothing the past few years. Right now it's more like I'm trapped by my circumstances even though I don't consider myself shy anymore.

Answer 1

Yes, don't worry-- you're not alone.
I have experienced a similar case in my life, growing up as an extremely shy toddler and grade school student. I always had friends, but trouble with maintaining jobs and was always considered the "quiet" girl in class.
What helped me learn to overcome my "problem" was not simple, but certainly not too complicated either. I researched, talked to people, and learned what "shyness" really is.

It sounds to me like you are very hard on yourself- being a little shy can be fine trait to have, and something that is most likely genetic or caused by a certain type of upbringing. There is no magical "cure" for shyness, and I don't know about oyu, but it pissed me off beyond all belief when people used to tell me, "Oh, just have more confidence." It doesn't work like that.

What does work is a case course in self-acceptance down to the core. What I mean is, check out some of these excellent books and gain insight on who you really are and how you are fine like that. Recommendations: "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron, "Painfully shy," and other books which will help explain what it means to be sensitive and shy, or how to overcome past shyness.
I'm not sure if this is a priority of yours, but you don't have to be Mr./Ms. outgoing and sociable to get a good job, be respected, be social and be loved. I've learned that people don't care so much that I'm shy b/c they see other qualities I have to offer, like being sensitive, a good listener, and all those other qualities that are often lacking in some noawadays.

If you get a chance to read "The Highly Sensitive Person," the author does mention other alternatives to improve on one's shyness, if your goal is to completely overcome it. For example, antidepressants can work dramatically in improving confidence (reasons not quite understood), and many reasonably shy people or those with social anxiety who have taken them often describe an increase in their socialization and confidence.

I overcame mine by becoming a server and learning that I was never going to be this perfectly "cool" or socially adept person that I wanted, so I was just myself. People still tipped me, and I still made friends at work, even though I preferred to keep to myself. Now I am a college graduate and have used other qualities, like good grades, intelligence, etc. to become a reporter for the newspaper here in Phoenix, a big feat that I never would have imagined going through when I was in middle school and painfully shy.

Anyway (sorry if I seem like I was bragging), it sounds like perhaps you might benefit from some "soul" searching and maybe just take a chance-- get a job doing something you've never done before, take a shyness class at a college or a group for those who are shy. Even if you're not anymore, you can make friends with people who you understand and might understand you too. You are never trapped, which is the beauty of life.

As in the Eagles song, "So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key." The key to happiness is always there-- you just have to figure out what it is you truly want so you can pursue it.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Social skills are learned usually in the family but you can learn them later. Join different clubs or organizations and meet people that you share an interest with and (learn to dance?) . Join the Post Masters Club - an organization to help others to learn public speaking. Read the newspapers and watch national public TV and keep up with current events. Most people, like yourself, are much more interesting than you realize. Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Good luck to you, Kitty

Answer 3

Things are always easier as a child because so much is given to us. But as young adults everything is left up to yourself to make things happen. If you continue to do nothing as you have done in the past few years you will still have nothing to talk about. Instead of doing nothing get off your butt and go to collage or tech school and get an education to where you are qualified to do more then just flip burgers. Being shy isn't your problem it sounds as if being lazy is the problem.

Answer 4

No I don't think you have ruined your life. You sound pretty young to me. You have a lot of life to go. Just talk one day at a time. Just keep telling yourself "I can do anything" and think on that. What would you really like to do? (Don't make it too high right now) Now, try to achieve that goal. You can do it. Good luck. (You are sitting there thinking "No I can't"--aren't you?? Ha Ha. Smile.

Answer 5

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Most people like to talk about themselves, so ask people questions. What are their favorite sports, hobbies, subjects in school for starters. Also, get involved in some activities that you have interest in. I am a very curious person, so I am always asking people questions about things I want to know more about.

Answer 6

Hi,

I know exactly how you feel, I went through the same exact thing. Your life is not ruined, you must learn that shyness (fear) is nothing. I found something on yahoo answers that may help you out. I guarantee, you'll think differently about yourself when you are done reading this. In my opinion, it's one of the best answers I've found on yahoo answers.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqeiNVImkPKPvYO4sI4M3Lfsy6IX?qid=1006051712054

Answer 7

what happened to cause you to go backwards according to you? did you have a chronic sickness? i 've gone thru this. i realize you have to let go of the past. the present is yours so just take it. try me [e-mail]. been there and do not want to go back.

Answer 8

It is never too late...Keep on moving...good luck...don't measure yourself with someone elses ruler....

Answer 9

jst build up yr confidence more

Answer 10

find a hobby.. talk about where you want to travel.. about your kids names.. anything. there, now you have stuff to talk about.