Question re: estranged mother?

Question

I have had an estranged relationship with my mother pretty much most of my life.

There was a span of 12 years (ages 8 - 20) where I didn't speak or see my mother, and then we reunited and got along OK for a few years, but I got upset and broke off our relationship and haven't spoken to my mom in 7 (ages 28 to 35) years.

Here's my question, should I try once more to establish a relationship with my mother? I don't know why, but I feel like I need her for some reason.

How would you recommend I go about trying to do this?

All serious responses will be appreciated.

Answer 1

You have to ask yourself why you are estranged. Is it over something petty and that can be worked out. Does she have a positive impact over your life? I say this because I'm estranged from my father. Many people tell me life is too short to not talk to my dad. But I say life is too short to keep someone like that in my life. He has a negative impact and causes me more stress. He may be blood but that doesn't mean all that much when I have to endure emotional abuse from the man.

You say you feel you need her. That tells me that she must have a good impact on you in some way. You miss her. If you think there is a chance to set aside your differences and make a relationship work then I think you should do it. At least make an attempt. I've done this with my dad and it just didn't work so I no longer try. But it doesn't sound like it is too late for you and your mom.

I suggest just calling her and casually saying, "hi mom, how are you." See what happens from there.

Answer 2

There would be nothing worse than if she passed away a week from now and you had not at least tried. You need to try again and if there is no way for you to move forward together then you have to really make your peace with it. Talking to a counsellor would be a big help. Perhaps even before you try and contact her again. You need to make it clear in your mind exactly what you want from making contact and to get rid of any expectations that it will be instant happy families. All relationships need work and family is no exception. If you really need her, tell her that. Forgive her for the past and agree to start with a clean slate for you both. I hope that you have success with this. It eats some people whole. Good Luck.

Answer 3

It honestly depends on how you feel about it.

I was estranged from my mother for the last 4 years of her life (no regrets). Our relationship (or I should say lack of), was highly volatile.

Does your mother have any mental illnesses? Do you? If either is yes, I'd recommend seeking help through a mediator if you are interested in attempting it 1 more time.

Look back to the last time. Are you willing to go through whatever happened again? Are you willing to relive all the problems / guilt trips that she will lay on you? (most moms are that way)

I wish you luck in whatever you choose, just decide carefully.

Answer 4

I feel your pain. I have an estranged relationship w/ my dad. I didn't meet him until I was 18 but since have only seen him two or three times. I too feel like I need him but I have lost contact. If I were you I'd start by sending your mother a card. Keep it brief because you don't really know what she is feeling but this will at least, hopefully, satisfy your conscience and put the ball back in her court. God bless!!

Answer 5

I think that this is only a choice that you can make as only you know the real circumstances. I hardly speak to my mum in fact i rarely call her mum at all. I think that it is a responsibility of the parent to keep the relationship good between them selves and their children (after all they are the parents) So personally would wait and see if she makes the first move at least then it would be genuine i hope all goes well for you and good luck it is difficult x

Answer 6

There really doesn't seem to be a reason not to...apparently she was abusive to you when you were a child, and I doubt she was during your time when you were older, unless she was mentally abusive, in which case, you should not try to re-connect. Ask yourself which part of your life has been better, the time without her or the time with her. If it has been better without her, then definitely do not get in touch with her, because it will be the same way. I went through something similar with my own mother, and do not regret letting her back in.

Answer 7

I think you should try to establish a relationship. Tell her that you are getting older and so is she and that you want to reconnect.
Life is too short to be on the fence about this...

Answer 8

you know I think you should go for it.