I recently tied the knot with my longtime companion. We had a small wedding at a church, with cake and coffee and punch afterward in the church hall. Everyone knew it was very informal and what to expect at the reception. (my husband and I paid for everything ourselves, and we are not well off) We had a beautiful day, and everything went well. Everyone seemed very happy.
Many of our guests were generous enough to give us gifts. A week later, I deposited the checks that we were given in the bank.
I received a letter in the mail from the bank a few days after that. I was shocked to discover that a friend stopped payment on the check that he had written us. I am not sure how to handle this. I can't understand why he would do this. We always got along marvelously. I checked with the bank...there was no mistake. He just stopped payment, with no word of explaination to me or my husband. What would be the right thing to do? I don't want to seem greedy, only understand what happened.
2006-09-09 12:17:57 · 20 answers · asked by drinking_sand 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
mismoon made a very good point about sending a thank you note acknowledging the gift. Instead of thanking him for the check that he took back, thank him for sharing your important day with you and your husband.
This would drive me crazy, probably my first few reactions would be confusion, mad and mad some more. If he had some financial problems, you would think that he would of found a different way of compensating, or warned you that he was going to stop payment on the check. I would be to chicken to ask him why he did that, but I would wonder for ever what the deal was.
Do you have a mutual friend who could get the scoop? Maybe that would be better, than you asking him straight out. Figure out some how to understand what happened. You deserve an explanation to say the least. What if he would of gotten you a materialistic present. Would he of come over and took it back? That would be rude, so its no different with the gift of money.
2006-09-09 12:44:49 · answer #1 · answered by jack russell girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you had this happen to you. Maybe your friend didn't have the funds to cover the check?
You can do 2 things 1) Give him back the check and say "The Bank said you stopped payment on this. I think you should have it back."
2) Write a very nice thank you note for the check. Don't mention that you know about the payment being stopped and see what he says if anything.
If you get any more checks from this guy, I would immediately return them.
From your description, it seems like the rest of the wedding and gifts went well. Try not to let this worry you too much. It seems like the problem is with your friend, not you.
Congratulations, by the way!
2006-09-09 13:46:11 · answer #2 · answered by Lizzie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe someone could be so rude. His actions are in very poor taste, but I have an idea why. Many people expect a wedding to be a ceremony followed by a big free party and dinner. While a gift is always voluntary, to give one and then take it back is in very poor that's. I would send a thank you note acknowledging the gift and simply state that the bank had informed you of the stop payment on it. If there is an explanation he will probably come forward. be patient and wait. Friendships are worth more than a canceled check.
2006-09-09 12:35:40 · answer #3 · answered by missmoon_1953 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm shocked too, it is possible that your friend had a financial problem and that's why he had to stop payment, it is hard to believe that your friend stopped the payment with a bad intention.
Since he's a good friend of yours and he did not have any reason to make you feel bad, it is possible that he had a problem that obligated to do this and maybe he's so ashamed to explain it to you that he hasn't had the courage to telephone you and say what happened.
I recommend don't take this too personal, enjoy your new life next to your husband, time will tell you what really happened.
2006-09-09 12:30:10 · answer #4 · answered by dulcinea sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to let him know about it. Show him the evidence from the bank.
Otherwise he will assume that his gift has gone through and that you are rude for not thanking him. Lay the cards out in the open. If his explanation is valid and reasonable, fine, then he might send you another check.
I am curious to know what he can come up with. Maybe he is hoping you won't mention about this and he gets away with it. My question is, does he do this to all his friends? Interesting.......
2006-09-10 05:20:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
weird. But...my question to you would be did you expect gifts from your guests?
If you didn't, then I'd just let it go and not mention it. IF he is strapped for cash, having you point out the stop payment would be embarassing. It's strange behavior, but I'd just assume let it go and not call attention to it. Whatever you do - do NOT tell anyone else about how much the cheque was or even the stop payment. That would just be in bad taste.
2006-09-09 14:50:09 · answer #6 · answered by firehorsetwo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bizarro - maybe the guy is having some big time money problems and meant to call you, but couldn't bring himself to do it. If this stop payment cost you additional money in bank fees, this guy owes you an explanation, as a friend. You could approach him and see if he needs to borrow some money... maybe that would open it up for discussion.
Think hard, though, before you let the almighty dollar ruin a friendship.
Good luck!
2006-09-09 12:23:04 · answer #7 · answered by home.and.self 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-30 12:46:17 · answer #8 · answered by erlebach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let it go, my dear. I would simply consider it some error, and would not change my feelings toward the person. If it was a problem with his account, by asking you could embarrass him if his finances aren't as sound as you might think. You'll soon find out if there's a problem with your friendship... and if that's the case, wait for another event (not a financial one) and pursue questioning about it if you feel the relationship can be salvaged.
2006-09-09 15:08:14 · answer #9 · answered by Mike S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd want to know too. Maybe just call him ask him. Tell him you aren't worried about receiving the money, but wonder if you somehow offended him. It is a strange thing for him to do and I would so curious - just like you. If you find out, let us know, will you?
2006-09-09 12:32:08 · answer #10 · answered by chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋