Dating for 1 year and 9 months, I know his parents, I spend a lot of time with them, but he barely knows how mine look, and I'm sad because of that. I tried to get him to be a little more open when it comes to my folks, but it doesn't work because he is not sociable by nature, and neither are my parents. My brother doesn't like him much, and that makes me feel even worse. I don't know what to do, because communication lines are not open. I love him very much, I have asked him to marry me on one occasion but he said he is not ready yet. I think he is scared to be more close to my family, but I am starting to believe it has been too long to be scared any more. Am I wrong?
2006-09-09 11:26:04 · 16 answers · asked by Livia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm 20, he's 19
2006-09-09 13:12:58 · update #1
Some people will never be part of a spouses family. So long as they are civil at social functions and family gatherings that is all you can ask. Don't push him into this, in time he either will get to know your parents better or prefer to be on the sidelines. Either is perfectly acceptable.
2006-09-09 11:30:56 · answer #1 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tricky one! You have on the one hand; a natural feeling that you want to have a connection and closeness regarding family. On the other hand; you have already been together in a relationship that is obviously working, in all other aspects. But in `love' there is often the need for compromise; and this just might be the case with your bf. But, it's really over to you to decide which of these two points has more priority for YOU. After all; it's your life here; and if the bf cannot change his feeling and his basic nature; then, is that something you can live with? You are probably wanting to put off a confrontation on this; but, I feel due to the length of time that has slipped by already; it's time to come to a decision. I wish you all the best with sorting this out.
2006-09-09 18:41:06 · answer #2 · answered by Bluebells21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are more open than others, but your boyfriend should have at least made an effort to become familiar with your family by now. It's probably unfair to hold it against him that your brother dislikes him. It's what you think that counts. Has he been coming to family events like Thanksgiving and Christmas? If not, inviting him is a good idea and his refusing with no good reason would be a put-off. I'd give him a chance to shape up, but if he continues to show little interest in becoming acquainted with the family, maybe you should ask him if he's ever going to be interested in taking the relationship to a new level of seriousness.
2006-09-09 18:33:48 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny Alice 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd talk to both sides...express your concerns...if both are supportive of you and your needs, then you can arrange a casual dinner on neutral ground so no one feels intimidated by the surroundings. Identify all the commonalities they may have between the two sides. At the dinner bring up those topics that overlap. It could be something as simple as music, movies or tv. Just get a dialog going and everyone should ease up. One thing I have found that even people who seem dimetridcally opposite in nature share commonalites. They are there...you just need to ID them and get everyone talking about them...That will work things out.
2006-09-09 18:41:25 · answer #4 · answered by daddydrive 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heyy, well, you should have a talk with your brother, parents, and your boyfriend. Tell your boyfriend that you know that he doesn't really want to meet your parents, but that you would like to be on the same level in this relationship, and that you met his parents, and that if he truly loves you and wants to be a part of your life, he will have to eventually get to know your parents. You should talk to your brother about the reasons why he dislikes your boyfriend, and that you hope that he respects your decision if you do marry him. Also, maybe you should try setting up a surprise meeting ... (Invite your parents over without telling your boyfriend or something) ...
2006-09-09 18:35:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok does your boyfriend and your parents have any common intrests? sports tv shows anything if they do i would arrange a family type night that involves everyone that way it is an ice breaker type of thing or even a party hosted by you but if you play a game make it so that it is like random teams like in board games do not partner with him force one of them too and then with that they can converse and do what they need to to win and after that their views of each other may be a little more friendly
2006-09-09 18:32:43 · answer #6 · answered by glass_city_hustla 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is only my opinion, but if they don't get along, it might just be best to leave it at that. After all, it's not with your family that he wants to be with or live with, but with you. As long as things are going fine between him and you, I think the rest shouldn't matter all that much and that you should just respect he may not feel comfortable with your family, that it is not against you personally.
2006-09-09 18:35:08 · answer #7 · answered by justastranger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your family and his meet in a neutral area where there is some activity going on. It's intimidating to be alone and meet 3 or more members of your family. you never know what is appropriate to say. If you meet in a group setting it is easier and more relaxing.
2006-09-09 18:37:48 · answer #8 · answered by buddhaboy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't know how old you and him are,but im just curious why your parents haven't had him over etc,even if they are not sociable,maybe since the holidays will be upon us soon,how about a get together that you can get all of them together.
2006-09-09 20:04:53 · answer #9 · answered by annie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There should be no reason why he is scared of your family. He's just not ready for any kind of commitment. Think about it.
2006-09-09 18:48:39 · answer #10 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋