Tell me a really good joke and I will give you the points!?

Answer 1

So this lizard is on his way to the river to get a drink, and he smells something odd. He looks up, and see a monkey sitting in a tree, smoking a marijuana joint. The lizard says, "Hey monkey, what ya doing?" The monkey looks blankly at the lizard for maybe 30 seconds, and then says "Hhhhayyyyy Maaannn, just smokin' some dynamite weed, man! Like, you wanna join me?"
The lizard shakes his head and politely as he can, declines, saying he was headed down to the river for a drink of water.
"Hhheyyy, what ever, suit yer self, little green buddy!" was the monkeys response.
The lizard went down to the river, and there he met his friend, the crocodile, and during their conversation he mentioned the monkey, and what he had been doing.
"A monkey? Up a tree, stoned out of his mind? This I have to see!" declared the crocodile, and off he went up the path. When he reached the tree, he looked up into the branches where, sure enough, the monkey sat, high as a kite. "Hey monkey," the crocodile says, "What ya doing?" The monkey looks blankly at the crocodile for maybe 30 seconds, and then freaks out "Hheyyy maaannn, how much water did you drink!?!

Answer 2

A blonde, a burnette and a redhead walk up to the bar. The bartender says, "Ladies, do I ever have a deal for you. In the ladies room there is a magic mirror. What you do is, tell the mirror a true fact, and make a wish. If the mirror believes you, it will grant your wish, if it doesn't , you'll get sucked into the mirror never to be seen again." The three women get their drinks and find a table. The redhead said," I'm the brave one, I'll try it out" She goes into the bathroom and stands in front of the mirror and says " I believe that I am the most intellegent woman in this place tonight. For my wish, I want to be rich and have a really nice car. She blinked and before her on the counter was a certified cheque in her name for a couple of million, and a set of car keys with her initial as a keychain. Snatching these up, she runs out to the parking lot and sees a beautiful porch with her name as the lience plate. She goes back into bar and tells her friends that it works. The burnette decides she will go next. She goes into the bathroom and stands in front of the mirror and says 'I believe that I am the most beautiful woman here tonight and for my wish I want to be rich and have a nice car as well." She blinks and before her on the counter was a certified cheque, and a set of car keys. She runs outside and sees a mazarouti with her name as the lience plate. After she tells her friends what happened, the blonde thinks to herself............" Well, if it worked for them, it should work for me too" and she goes into the bathroom. She stands in front of the mirror and says......." I believe........." and she was sucked into the mirror, never to be seen again!!

Answer 3

One day, the "Smart Blonde Committee" (a bunch of blondes that were trying to prove that blondes aren't dumb) [and they really aren't! This is just a joke...!] held a meeting where they were testing a young blonde woman with a few simple questions...
The president of the committee asked her, "What state is New York City in?"
The blonde woman said, "Umm... Oklahoma...?" The president sighed.
"Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" the rest of the committee chanted.
"All right", said the president. "How much is 6 - 0?"
The blonde stared off into space for a while, then asked, "Is it zero...?"
"Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" the committee chanted.
"Okay, fine by me", the president said. "The next question: What is 2 plus 2?"
After ten long minutes and counting on her fingers constantly, the blonde woman replied quizzically, "Four...?"
The committee shouted, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

Answer 4

Hostages

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.

The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"

"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."

Answer 5

A lady went to the hospital because she was feeling tired and weak all the time.
The doctors of course admitted her for test's.
After three day's they called the husband in .
Appolgizing to the husband because they mixed up the test results of two women .
The husband asked what the test's found.
The doctors told him..
One lady has aid's and the other altzheimers
Husband asked what he should do..
The doctor told him...
Have your wife drive a few towns away to the liguor store.
If she able to find her way home...
Don't have sex

Answer 6

there were 4 guys on a plain ready to land.One was the captain and the other 3 were the crew men.The 1st crew man had a rock and asked the captain what should I do with this rock.The captain said throw it out the window so he threw it out the window.The 2nd crew man had a rock and asked the captain what should I do with this rock.The captain said throw it out the window so he threw it out the window.The 3rd crew man had a bomb but thaght it was a rock.He asked the captain what should I do with this rock.The captain said throw it out the wndow so he threw it out the window.As they were walking home later on the 1st crew man saw a little boy crying.He asked the little boy why are you crying.The little bot answered a rock hit my head.The 2nd crew man was walking home and saw a little boy crying.He asked the lttle boy why are you crying.The lttle boy answered a rock killed my dog.The 3rd crew man was walking home and saw a lttle girl laughing.He asked the lttle girl why are you laughing.The lttle girl answered my mom farted and the house blew up.

Answer 7

This older couple in there 70's is sitting out on the porch on rocking chairs. The woman back hands the man, he falls of his chair. He gets back up dusts himself off sits back down and start rocking again.

He says "what was that for"
She says "30 years of bad sex"

He is like ok, just start rocking again. A little bit later he back hand the woman. She falls off the chair. She gets back up, dusts herself off, sit back down and starts rocking again.

She says "what was that for"
He says "for knowing the difference"

Answer 8

lets see....

1. one man walked into a bar..the other one ducked

2. Two elderly men were talking in a nursing home. One said "Fred, Why is there a suppository in your ear?. Fred replied "Oh ****, I guess that solves the problem of where I put my hearing aid!"

Answer 9

Sorry, I have already posted my 6 funny jokes.

You will have to look for my picture to read them.

Answer 10

a girl went to school and the teacher asked her what her name is and she said texas. her teacher asked her again or she goes to the principals office, so she said texas. the same thing happened to her with the principal, but she got sent to detention. in there she met a kid who asked her the same thing, but he said he would but a knife through her heart, so he did. the kid walked home and his mom asked son where is your kinfe and he said deep in the heart of texas.