is divorce the best answer to severe marital problems??

Question

if all u do is fight and fight alot, is divorce the only way to go. counseling won't help, he blames it all on me, he thinks he is perfect!!!! help me, we have 3 kids

Answer 1

Yes, Divorce is the best answer, Specially if kids are involved.

Answer 2

Well, unfortunately it sounds like you both are in a bad pattern of treating each other badly. If he is not willing to seek help then it seems like he is saying "to hell with this marriage." So, what do you do with that...well, you can go to counseling without him and see if that helps YOU personally. Maybe if he sees you going, he may change his mind and join you. You need help but you can only start with you...so, take care of you and if it is counseling then go on your own...you may need that help anyway if you decide to divorce. In the mean time, stop fighting with him...do things that are not around him, take the kids out, go to friends houses, but stop the fighting, you need to break the pattern.

Answer 3

I was once given advice by a clergyman that went like this.....try everything you can in your power to make it work...then, if it doesn't, at least you know you tried everything.
If you can't resolve the fighting, then separation or divorce is best. It's better for children to live in a peaceful single parent home, then a home with two parents fighting all the time.
Remember, this is where your children learn about relationships...by the examples they see.

Answer 4

Some people will tell you that it's best to stay married for the sake of the kids. I believe that if you are unhappy in your marriage, then you cannot be the best parent possible because you are sad, depressed and angry all the time. Try to make your marriage work, and if it fails, then divorce and be the best mom that you can to your 3 kids.

Answer 5

as jennanderton2006 said, divorce should be the last option. i suggest you try to take a step back from the situation and asses whether you still love him or not and whether the fights are over important issues. if you still love him then you should tell him that you dont want to fight anymore. if you also see that the issues are important then ask him to have a discussion.
also you should consider the effect on your children, divorce will be hard for them to cope with, but so will having to listen to their parents fight all the time (i know about that one form personal experience).
so as i sid before, try to step aside and view the situation with a clear head, because you could live to regret a rash decision!

Answer 6

Did the counselor say there was no hope. If so time to go. I understand not wanting to hurt the kids however a loving home with one parent or both parents seperately would be better than the constant fighting. How your kids see you act imprints on their minds and they may act very similar.

Answer 7

No way...divorce will generate more problems than those it will solve...you both loved once, enough for getting married and having 3 kids together...that means you can still save your marriege, but you two have to work a lot, maybe you should try with a new counselor...if you still want to try, do it

Answer 8

Your husband is not God, and as such can never be perfect.

That being said.....let him know that he is expendable; that you can always replace him with another husband.

Prayer is the best answer.

Pray to be able to feel God's love and draw on His strength when you aren't able to feel love from anyone else and just feel like you are being drained dry from everyone around you.

Pray to not let your husband goad you into a pissing contest all the time.

Pray for the strength to be able to let all the crap wash over you and not let any of it stick to you.

Pray for the strength to be a better example of a loving parent to him and your children.

Remind your husband that he is in violation of your contract (marriage) because he promised to be your lawful wedded husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Ask your husband what you have done that was so horrible that he feels the need to subject you to that kind of abuse.

Tell him that you have done nothing to warrent such abuse.

Remember that you are a mother and as such you have been blessed with the ability to bring 3 lives into this world.

Ask your husband if you and your children are worth so little to him.

Tell him that you are worth far more than that.

Remind him that so is he.......and to start acting like it.

If all else fails (prayer, counseling, intervention, etc.) then make sure you and he sit down and have a property settlement agreement drawn up (you can do it yourself) that states what property each of you get.

Both of you sign it before a notary public and that makes it a legal document that should stand up in court even if either side changes their mind and wants to screw the other one over.

In fact, when things are quiet and there is no argument going on you may want to sit him down (CALMLY) and talk with him about all of this while showing a proposed draft copy of the property settlement agreement to him and letting him know in no uncertain terms that you will not put up with his crap anymore and that if he doesn't feel that you and his children are worth making a positive change and being a loving husband and father for again for then he will lose his family.

Then ask him if his pride and anger are worth more to him than you.

Answer 9

If you have made an honest effort to get professional help, it may be time to move on. The kids won't benefit from all the fighting if you stay together.

Answer 10

you should never consider divorce unless abuse is in the question. you have 3 kids and if you get a divorce its harder on the kids then it is on the parents. try counselling.