What do I do to get my 12 year old son to stop misbehaving?

Question

He ignores what I say to him, he says mean things to other adults, and I end up sticking up for him, even though I know he was wrong, because others can be just as cruel to him. His own brothers and sister all get along, but they can't get along wth him. I'm worried about him for when he is older. I'm afraid life will be ruff for him. He can be very loving, but he can be even more of a night mare. What do I do? Nothing I do seems to work, and he just don't seem to care. I try and explain to him that it doesn't have to be this way for him, but he just thinks everyone hates him, and none of it is his fault. I've always been close with him, but he has even been lashing out at me. He has 6 years til he is 18 and I'm worried if I don't find something that makes him listen and see what he is acting like, then it will be too late. I've always been a mom that was my children homeroom mom, baked, crocheted, sewed, made holidays memorable for them. I just can't figure what I did wrong

Answer 1

discipline
im lucky that i didnt live here when i was a kid, cuz when i see the way some kids here in the us behave it amazes me. i always feel so grateful to my parents for beating my butt when i did something wrong when i was little. ilearned so much.
that taking away something he loves doesnt work. trust me. theres always something else u can do.

Answer 2

I know this is going to sound a little far fetched but I have four boys, one of them 12 and we started to go through the same thing, but I turned it around. First of all, you need to know that he's doing this because you keep excusing his behavior. Knowing that the two of you were close, allows him to get away with murder just to see if he still has that bond with you. He's testing you. And mom, you are failing big time! As hard as it is, you can't always be his best friend when the chips are down. If you do, he'll never learn to develop healthy relationships with anyone else. Even siblings. They'll start to despise him because they already know that whatever he does, mommy is going to bail him out and take his side. So they aren't going to want to have anything to do with him. Then when it comes to peers, it's even harder. He's insecure with himself and rather than try to reach out to make friends, he fears rejection and just avoids any type of interaction. Just giving you insight.

Now how to fix it. The rude behavior, must be punished like the rest of the children. Set up small rewards as a determent from acting out. They can be little things (movie rental, game rental, trip to the park, etc.) but it's important he gets to pick his goal. Then it's time to bring the siblings back into accepting him. An easy approach is a family game night. Everyone has to play, no excuses...even mom and dad. Do it once a week for at least a good month to get him interacting in a positive way. On top of that, when he's assigned a chore, make it a tough one but pair him up with a sibling to get it done. It'll teach them to work together. And last but not least, when they fight, sit whoever is fighting down at the kitchen table across from each other. You need to sit in between them. They are not allowed to leave that table until they can reach some sort of a compromise. You are not to interrupt, they need to do this on their own. It will teach them tolerance of each other and ways to work around it. The more you do this now, the less you'll have to do this in the long run. And when you notice the behavior starting to change, then warm up to again. Every parent has a favorite, that's normal. Just be sure you don't let favoritism interfere with his personal growth. Wish you luck mom!

Answer 3

I'm going buy what I read and I believe your doing things different with this child then your others.The reason is because he is harder to handle and needs extra attention. The first thing your doing wrong and you even know it is your sticking up for him.So now he thinks he can do whatever because he knows you feel sorry for him. You can talk to your son until you turn blue in the face but if your actions are different then nothing you say matters.Thats why he isn't listening to you.I'm a bus driver and work with kids all day. You need to tell him the rules and do not and I mean do not change them. You have to let him know that his behavior will not be tolerated. The main thing is what you say to him you have to go through with.This means everytime too. If you let him get away with something then all your effort goes down the drain. I beleive if you stick to your guns and wait it out he will slowly see that his behavior is always going to get him in trouble and he'll stop.This means everytime he misbehaves you have to either ground him or take something away that he loves to do or play with...Good luck

Answer 4

You did nothing wrong.

Some children are just stubborn, mule-headed, and mean.

You are doing the right thing by parenting him now instead of waiting for the courts to parent him. That is called incarceration.

Tell him there are new rules and explain them to him. Sit down at the kitchen table and write them out. Tell him which behaviors WILL get him in trouble and will be disciplined. You sign and he signs. You now have a parental contract.

He will test you - and if you back down he wins! [he wins now, and loses as an adult]

When he does something wrong, take away whatever is important to him, and do not give it back for 12 days [because he is 12 years old].

The next time he does something wrong, take away the first thing and one more thing, for twelve days.

The next time he does something wrong, give the first item to goodwill, keep the 2nd item and one more item from him for 12 days.

When he realizes he is going to lose his possessions for being bad - and I mean permanently lose them, he will change his ways.

Answer 5

First, this may be hard for you to do but, you have to stop sticking up for him when he does something bad and you know he did, you are actually encouraging this bad behavior. Second think about finding a therapist that helps children his age the therapist will help him with the issues he is dealing with internally which he is unable or unwilling to share with you or your husband.

Do not blame yourself for what he is going trough, my brother had more personal paranting from my mom when he was young because she was a stay at home mom but when I was old enough to go to school (I am 9 years younger than him) she went to work so i would come home to babysitters then later to no one home and my brother turned out to be the worst behaved.

Good luck.

Answer 6

He's just a teenager. He's growing up, going through puberty. I know, I'm twelve, I go to school with a bunch of teenage boys, there doesn't seem to be much you can do but talk to him and make him understand that he may be growing up and getting hormones, but he needs to have self control, even if that means locking himself in his room and doing what he wants. He needs time for himself.
Oh, and, uh, I don't know if a twelve year old boy wants to take a trip to the park as a 'reward'.

Answer 7

love, affection is the medicine that can cure every haterance. he is just a kid he will definitely understand u when he feels he is secure that is when he gets a lot of care and affection not only from u but from all family members, and even if he doesnot understand u take him to a councellor like Ms. Nivedita Ganguly From D.A.V. Sreshtha vihar, delhi-92 and her number is 9811955415

Answer 8

You need to be a firm loving mother. Carry him to the police station and let them show him what happens to little children who misbehave.

Answer 9

Take away something he loves for a period of time