I know it seems dumb, but recently, my son accessed my account on answers and answered and asked some very mean questions and responses. Lately he has had a tendency of thinking he is a full adult when he is barely 15. Any advice on the matter? I'm not sure how to handle this specific situation seeing as how i'm still learning to be a dad myself.
2006-09-09 09:45:52 · 30 answers · asked by vail2073 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hard question!! Where's the line between teaching and abuse?
He's abused some privileges, so there definitely should be repercussions, but where to start?
He did something dishonest (stole your password, posed as you online), he was also mean/rude (the questions, answers). Sounds like he's also got an issue with arrogance and/or authority ("thinking he is a full adult when he is barely 15").
I think the integrity issue is the most important one. One idea is to call police dispatch, ask then what the usual punishment is for identity theft- that IS what he did. Maybe discuss what your son has done, see if they'll back you up on something similar. Be sure they're aware of your son's other issues- rudeness, authority, his age.
I am a total fan of grounding (removing of privileges as punishment). Like I said, he abused the privilege he had of using the computer... so take it away. So what if he "needs" it for a school assignment? Hand him a pen and some lined paper. Research? Give him the address to the library, and point him to his bike (or the nearest city bus stop).
I hated being grounded when I was a kid (now 30). At the time, I'd rather have had my butt beat (get it done and over with!). A grounding lasted a lot longer than the bruises or inability to sit. It made me think about what I'd done, and I didn't like being reminded of it every time something came up that I couldn't participate in b/c of the grounding.
2006-09-09 10:15:40 · answer #1 · answered by Yoda's Duck 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible that he is doing these things to get attention? Maybe you should try having a talk with him about how he is feeling. The teenage years are a time when kids are transitioning into adults, so he may being trying to take on adult behaviors and attitudes because he is confused. He needs guidance through this time for the transition to be smoother. Being a teen is tough, especially in the earlier years. Teach him how to make his own decisions and also how to be responsible for them. It is important to show him that there are consequences for his actions. Most importantly, BE CONSISTENT. He is looking for guidance and understanding. If he is going to become an adult, he needs someone to show him how.
How you decide to handle this specific situation is up to you, but the important thing is to make sure he understands why it is not acceptable behavior and what you expect from him instead. He may just be looking for some attention so try talking to him one-on-one. Listen to what he has to say and treat him with the same respect that you expect from him.
Here are some sites that may provide helpful information:
http://parentingteens.about.com/od/talktoyourteen/a/communication2.htm
http://www.byparents-forparents.com/
http://www.focusas.com/Parenting.html
2006-09-09 17:11:02 · answer #2 · answered by nightingale008 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take all computer privileges away. Ban him from your computer for a month. Let him know that even though it is common for a child his age to think he is an adult, he is not adult enough to make the rules in your home! Balance your discipline with approval and time together. Let him know when he does something well you are pleased with him. Kids need the security of knowing you love and approve of them ....even at 15. They will test you all of the time. Mine did. I raised three boys myself. I had to be mom and dad. It was very hard. But all of them are now productive and they are really good people. They all laugh at how they were able to pull the wool over my eyes! It is hard when your children have a 20 IQ point advantage over you! They were always thinking up ways to torment me! Do not expect perfection from yourself ....there are no perfect parents!
2006-09-09 17:02:42 · answer #3 · answered by Marie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is so very important to make it clear that you as the parent are in control. If your child gets the tiniest feeling that you cannot control him, he will take that and run with it as far as he can. He should not have access to any of your accounts. Change all your passwords and user names, if necessary. Get a parental control application on your computer to protect both your son and yourself. We use Linksys Parental Control to limit the times our children can be on the Internet as well as the sites they are allowed to visit. Let him know that if his poor behavior continues he will have privileges taken away (cell phone, video games, etc). Of course, do all this in a loving manner, letting him know you want to help him grow into a mature, responsible adult.
2006-09-09 17:00:07 · answer #4 · answered by _me_ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty normal, really. I don't think you'll be able to change his behaviour much. You can only regulate the freedoms he has, by installing a password system on your computer, by watching carefully where he goes and when he gets back in. I raised 3 teens, 2 girls and 1 boy, and it's no picnic. There is really very little control parents have over kids this age, so hang in there, and good luck. Hopefully the basic principles you've taught him when he was younger will help him get through this tough time.
2006-09-09 16:49:35 · answer #5 · answered by Just Ducky 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have a 15 year old myself and I found that letting him have his own account gave him a sense of responsibility. I find that showing my kid that I trust him makes him proud of himself and I think that if you show children that they earn your trust most kids hate to lose that. Also I do a lot of things on here with him too so that he realizes that there are nice places to go to like ya hooligans and several other sites. In any case do not be too hard on him. Just let him know it is not one of the things that make you proud when he is mean or not nice to others. Good luck!
2006-09-09 16:59:19 · answer #6 · answered by The_know_it_all 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough love. Maybe you'll have to disconnect the internet cord.he should write an apology in general for being so mean.Good luck.It is hard being a parent of a 15 year old. Hang in there and don't bail him out.
2006-09-09 16:51:23 · answer #7 · answered by nancy e 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you friends who own a business then let him work with them for the week and let him be the man of the house, let him see all the hell you is go through being an adult.
Plus my brother is 10 years old, and i took him to the police station, and police fixed his business for him good, and now he dont think he is man.
2006-09-09 16:49:38 · answer #8 · answered by baby_luv 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try giving him some responsibilities. He's old enough to work. Give him a commission and responsibilities. Teach him what being a man is really about.
2006-09-09 16:49:03 · answer #9 · answered by Wise ol' owl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
oh, i do the same thing i will be 15 this month, i feel like im grown, and sometimes i act and dress like im grown aswell, so if ure son is about to turn 15 tell him to keep in touch with me (only if he's cute)
2006-09-09 16:54:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋