i love this girl and she loves me too..but the thing is im not yet ready to make a stand for her..my family dont like her. I want a break up but how? how can you break up in a nice way and what will be my good reason that she will accept? i already told her that i love her . But for now i want to fix things about myself and when im ready if we are really meant to be if she's still available on the time that i could finally make a stand i will be back asking for her to marry me. How can i make her understand ? she doesnt want to let go of me....she said we both love each other why not fix yourself and lets be together at the same time? ohhhh =( i really dont know what to do ...its hard coz i am a hypocrite i love her but i want to break up with her..because of my problems. help pls. thanks
2006-09-09 08:21:18 · 18 answers · asked by cat&dog 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just tell her it's not time yet.
2006-09-09 08:23:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sigh. That is tough. Because I am prone to thinking the same thing. But I guess as much as we like to think in ways so that we don't lose the person we love, it is true that there are some things which are better worked out alone. I think you explained pretty well in your question. Maybe you should tell her that its really not her it is you, and you are not trying to be cliche in any sort of way. Tell her that there are some things that you must fix on your own as much as you know that she will be there for you. Tell her that you do love her and this is hurting you but sometimes you must do things you don't want to do because it is right. Then you need to break contact with her. No texts, IM's, emails or phone calls. After a month or two, you can gradually edge back into a friendship when its easier for everyone to accept the relationship has ended. You are right though, if she is meant for you...she will be with you...no worries. Good luck.
2006-09-09 15:27:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are a piece of work. Have you thought of being honest?? Do you have any integrity at all? You should be able to muster up enough courage to just open your mouth and speak the truth. It is too bad that your girl friend is so naive that she cannot see that you are really a snake. From your words I can see that you are a coward and really only want to spare yourself any grief while you dump this girl. How about this example ..tell her " I am a lieing creep, I told you lies so I could sleep with you. I would not even try to make you happy. I am disgusting and would ruin your life. Please run the other way and don't ever look back." Why any woman would want to take on a 'project' like you is beyond me. Sorry to be harsh.....but what you wrote really hit a nerve in me.
2006-09-09 15:49:38 · answer #3 · answered by kar_summers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay first I am very glad that it seems that you know what you want.
Now as far as breaking up, there is no way to break up "nicely" unless it is mutual between the two. Since she doesn't want to break up but you certainly do, there will not be a good reason that she will accept, or for her to understand. You want out, she wants in still. See the conflict?
But think about this if you don't and you stay "for her, so she is happy" you then wont be happy in the relationship. If you aren't happy then you wont make her happy anymore either.
Now I'm also glad to hear that you know if it is meant, later then it will be. That is something she may not understand, yet.
Be honest with her and realize it isn't going to be easy, nice, or at all pleasant, but if this is what you want then you must do it.
She will be sad, so will you but you will both get over it on your own. & remember she may not be very fond of you afterwards, but that is something that you will have to deal with. Its a part of breaking up, unfortunatley.
2006-09-09 15:34:37 · answer #4 · answered by Angel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the best thing to do in any situation is tell the truth it will be hard for her to understand and if she is selfish she will not want you to go no matter the reason however if you are both mature enough to realize that you each need to work on certain things it could all work out fine and you could end up married still. good luck. be honest. and you could still be friends let her know the truth. and maybe see each other once a month or talk as friends
2006-09-09 15:26:24 · answer #5 · answered by knowledge 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your family is interfering they basically are not treating you like an adult. From what you've mentioned-- they seem to not only tell you how they feel but want to control your life. That is not fair to you. You say you want to fix things about yourself...well know this: if you continue to do the same things you've been doing you will continue to get the same results. Your family is probably supporting some of the habits you are trying to change about yourself because they as your family of origin have known you all of your life and basically feel scared that you might change and thus seperate form them. Part of growing up is being able to move forward with your life and cut the apron strings which your parents have you tied to. You need to think what would my life be like without this girl? What "if" she suddenley died? Would you regret that you didn't fully and completely let her know that even though you are not perfect you want to move ahead with her in your life??? As husband & wife? She is probably smart enough to know that people are in a constant state of growth & maturing . The question is: do you want to contiue to grow with her as your best friend and life partner? I suggest you do yourself the biggest favor you can---get professional counseling. A trained therapist can be your greatest guide in helping you to discover why you think you have to let her go in order to work on your problems. If you let her go, you risk loosing her forever! Staying together as you work through your issues can bring you closer together and in turn have a deeper love to share with each other. Your parents can not help you in the way a trained, knowledgable therapist who has studied human behavior and relationships can. Parents are often in these instances trying to control your life and the decisions you make. You can work through this ---the question you may want to ask yourself is: do I stay stuck in fear ? Or, can I allow myself to become more vulnerable to this girl who I love and who loves me back? Best wishes....
2006-09-09 15:49:20 · answer #6 · answered by Brains & Beauty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont make the same mistake as i did, if you love her you will stay w/ her..dont break up w/ her...you may have problems but if she loves you then let her be there for you...because if you marry her then she will be there anyways...if you both love each other then dont let her go...you will be making a huge mistake.... also it doesnt matter if your family like her or not, its how you feel about her...if she is the right one for you then she will be there for you and stand behind you...
2006-09-09 15:29:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just do it! There is no fixing. We can discover more effective ways of BEING that create positive outcomes for ourselves and those around us.Choose! Can you stay in the relationship and get where you want to be?? If not,let go. Peace.
2006-09-09 15:35:06 · answer #8 · answered by wildrover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm.. first off you eat a lot of baloni sandwiches and maybe some other stuff that has licorice as one of the ingredients and then when youre alone just let one rip so loud that you let the statue of the liberty go scuba-diving
seriously?
if you were ya dads or moms pet you shouldnt have wasted your time or hers now that you had your deal of fun wid her you wanna let it off the easy way? well there wont be an easy one and either way give me her email address i jus finished packing a 12 gauge shotgun
2006-09-09 15:28:15 · answer #9 · answered by axebonez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with her...if you really love her put her BEfore your parents and stay with her. Otherwise she will probably be so mad that you wont get her back. Love is valuable remember that..
After 18 mos of seeing one another the man should propose and buy her a diamond too and then set a date..
2006-09-09 15:24:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough dilemma.
the best thing to do ... the ONLY thing to do ... is be honest with her .. even if it hurts. sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do.
sometimes love isn't enough. it takes more than that to make a relationship work. there must be mutual respect, honesty, trust.
the truth is .. there are things that you have to do .. to work on yourself ... by yourself. she can't do it for you. you can't do it if you're in a relationship. this is sometimes a fact of life. this very thing happened to me. there was no doubt we were in love .. but it wasn't the right timing for us. it was hard as hell .. but we let go.
you can't stay "friends" .. you can't stay in contact. you need to just let go ... let her go gently ... and walk away.
you don't say how old you are .. but you have a lifetime of relationships ahead of you and i commend you for recognizing that you have things to work on in yourself before you can be healthy for someone else.
take care and be gentle on her and on yourself.
2006-09-09 15:32:58 · answer #11 · answered by :|: raven :|: 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋