She has an 8 year old son and lives with me in Illinois. I just don't know what to do. She is out of control. Help!!!
2006-09-09 08:00:59 · 10 answers · asked by pebbleknot 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Before threating her with hosiptalization or taking her kids away, you really need to approach her with love and support. Show her that you want to help her get the help she needs. It's a very scary thing to admit that you have a mental illness and that you need help. If you are confrontational and threatening she will automatically pull away and reject the idea of getting help (best case scenerio) or you can trigger a behavioural/emotional episode in which you, she or the kids might get hurt (worst case scenerio). Start by making sure that you are informed about the potential disorders she might have so you can (gently) point out to her the reasons for your concern, and have the contact information for organizations/mental health experts on hand so that you can help her get the info she needs right away. I recommend starting with the National Institute of Mental Health (link below) If you really care about her, don't just put the burden on her to get her own help...be with her every step of the way. Offer to make the calls and set up an appointment on her behalf, go with her when she goes to appointments and make the whole process a two-person effort (but keep it private, don't go blabbing to all your family and friends about her problems). With both bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, patients often are very suspicious and often don't realize that there is something wrong with them, you have to earn her trust in this matter, and threatening to put her in the hospital or take away her kids is not going to help matters. If she really is a danger to herself or the kids, involuntary hospitalization is an option, but it is VERY difficult to have an adult committed against their will, it's much better if she realizes on her own that she needs help and sees that you are willing to be there for her. Also, medication can be very helpful if she is suffering from an organic mental illness (ie chemical imbalance etc) but don't rule out that there might be a valid emotional reason for her actions (could she be in an abusive situation? did she have some traumatic experiences as a kid?). Even if she does just have straight BPD or bipolar, encourage her to have some sort of counseling in addition to prescribed medication.
Hope that helps, good luck to you both!
2006-09-09 08:36:04 · answer #1 · answered by CurlyQ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My relatives recently dealt with a cousin who is 37. They told her that if she didn't get some kind of help that they would contact the authorities as she has children at home. They warned her and she didn't seek help. Her behavior continued to get worse and with children in the home, had her committed. She was not upset with the family and is now getting professional help. Try talking first and do what you need to. Keeping the children and her safe is priority.
2006-09-09 08:07:28 · answer #2 · answered by b's wife 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is endangering to herself and others. Then contact the hospital and MH agency and get a 72 hour hold on her so she can be evaluated at the hospital. Then go from there. There is all types of comitments that would not endanger her of loosing her child as long as you work with them.
2006-09-09 09:28:02 · answer #3 · answered by Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CurlyQ's answer was very good. I developed Bipolar Disorder when I was 31 and put my husband and family through years of worry, heartache, confusion and aggravation. I knew something was very wrong and I couldn't control it myself so I agreed to seek psychiatric help and was hospitalized. But I was too ill to trust anyone and ran away. It meant everything to me the people who loved me continue to remind me they did and it always soothed me a little when they'd say, "It's OK. You're not crazy. But something is wrong that is causing you to behave in ways that are not your normal self. We aren't doctors, so we can't get you well. We are here to support and love you. You will only suffer more unless you see a doctor and he gives you medication and treatment." I was a severe case of Bipolar I and could no longer work, leave my house, eat, sleep regularly, was terrified of everything and then I became angry and violent. Eventually, I lost my beautiful home too. I became homeless and gave my cats to my mother while I would sleep either in my car or in a tent far away in the canyon. I ended up in jail for loitering and could barely remember my name or anyone's phone number so I just stayed there.
I know it is very hard and scary for you as a mother but believe me your daughter is living in her own private hell that is full of confusion and fear and is extremely defensive towards anything she feels is threatening. Calling Child Protection Services could easily break the fragile link you have to her and she might get desperate and run away with her son.
My best advice to you is to contact N.A.M.I. as soon as possible for help, referrals and real information. It stands for the National Alliance of the Mentally Ill and there is are headquarters in every state and chapters in all cities. You can immediately speak to someone whose life has been directly affected by mental illness, not just a trained hotline personnel. You can find them on the internet at www.nami.org too. It is crucial that you are well informed about how to handle this situation.
If she is a serious threat to herself or to other people and begins to act on it, then you will have to call 911 and the police will arrest her and take her to a hospital with psychiatric services for evaluation where she has to remain for 72 hours. That should be your last option.
But please give NAMI a call first and find out how to approach this and what to do.
As for me, it's been 14 years since I was diagnosed, and if it wasn't for my mother and husband who refused to accept that I was just sick and uncontrollable and could find peace and happiness again, I would've just came to an ugly end. They showed unconditional love, but at the same time let me know that they didn't approve of me not trying to help myself and taking my life for granted. Eventually I realized that even if I hated the illness and how I felt and thought, I still loved them and didn't want to hurt them. So I kept going to different doctors and even when I'd decide that the doctor was the one who had a problem, I'd wait a bit and find another. And another. Until I finally settled on one that I liked best and now I've been seeing him for 8 1/2 years and if I don't like the medication or it doesn't work well, he tries another and I try it. It's not a simple illness, it's been a hard road, but thanks to my family if you met me you would never imagine that I had been so sick and still have to work at it daily. I'm still married, we just bought our home with cash two years ago, I still can't work, but I am an excellent driver and travel far to see my mom a lot. I got my cats with me again too and never imagined my life would be this good.
But there's one major advantage that your daughter already has that can mean the difference of life or death: she has a mother who truly loves her and wants to help her, even by asking this question at this site. Doctors and therapy and medication are all wonderful advances nowadays, but no one can package or sell a mother's love. Good luck to all of you.
2006-09-09 09:58:34 · answer #4 · answered by HisChamp1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard decision. If you cannot convince her to do it on her own then you will need to have her declared incompetent and let the state take over. Child Protective Services will need to get involved and you will hopefully get to take care of your grandchild while your daughter gets help.
2006-09-09 08:06:45 · answer #5 · answered by R.R. M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to be on medication and she has to stay on it. First you must make sure that the diagnoses is correct. Once the medication works she can live a normal life and so can the people around her
2006-09-09 08:05:30 · answer #6 · answered by chersgaz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need tot alk to her about her problems tell her how you feal thats all you can do. Take her to the hospital if you can get her to go they can do a psy evaulation if you feel that she is a danger to herself or her child call 911 and get her to a hospital.
2006-09-09 08:04:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think she is a danger to herself call adult protection in the town she lives and have her checked on
2006-09-09 08:07:32 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she know for a fact that she has this condition? Has she been diagnosed? Does she WANT help? At 3l, if she doesnt' want help, you would have to have her committed to a hospital.'
Are you sure she isn't using drugs?
2006-09-09 08:08:07 · answer #9 · answered by goldielocks123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to call the cops and get her 5150 ed thats a 72hr. hold and they will help her
2006-09-09 08:20:44 · answer #10 · answered by TOM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋