My daughter's best friend has lied on numerous occasions to her parents. She has also used her friends in the lies, including my daughter. Her friend and her friend's boyfriend are sneaking around playing house. Both kids are lying. They are also having sex. (not a surprise, but might be to her parents) I know both the kids very well. I know the parents well. I do not want to betray my daughter, because I have heard the lies from her. However, I don't want her friend getting pregnant (no Birth control pills being used). And...she is losing all her friends due to the lies. Should I stay out of it? I have thought through the...if it were me thing...doesn't seem to help.
2006-09-09 05:45:20 · 34 answers · asked by muzician2001 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
As a teen, I think you should talk to her parents. Lying is a terrible habit and it will lose her friendships and probably have a bad effect on future jobs she might take. Furthermore, if she screws her boyfriend and gets pregnant, regardless of whether or not she thinks it's just her business, her parents are the ones who will have to take care of the baby if she gets pregnant. Kids love to claim "it's my business" until they need their parents to clean up the mess. The best thing for you to do is have a very calm, sincere talk with the girl's parents and explain that she is participating in acts that are not good for her. Believe me, if she gets away with all this lying she'll do it for the rest of her life.
2006-09-09 05:52:04 · answer #1 · answered by Blackadder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As parents,we have to do what is best for our children whether they like it or not.You need to let the other parents know what you know,because if you don't ,and if something bad should happen,you wouldn't be able to live with yourself knowing that you may have been able to prevent it and didn't.I know it's a hard decision,and as a parent myself, I too would feel like I'd be betraying my daughter's trust,but for the well-being of all involved,it would be my duty as a parent and good friend to tell the truth.
A lot of people will probably tell you not to get involved,and in some situations that may be good advice,but not in this case.There aren't enough people in the world who do step in to help others.Here you have a chance to stop a possible unwanted pregnancy,or even an STD,and God knows what else may happen if the lies continue.Your daughter will probably be upset with you for a while,but if you explain the whole situation to her and what could happen,hopefully she will come to understand why you have to do what has to be done.
2006-09-09 06:09:44 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
had a very similar problem with my teenage daughter being used as a cover for another girl to sneak out.........girl would say am going to ######### house to study, when the ONLY studying was being done with a boy in the local park..............after a few times of this what we would do is CALL the mother and my daughter would ask for her daughter.......the mother would be shocked and say BUT she said she was with you....... my daughter would then tell ermmmmmmmmm nope have not seen her since blah blah...................you know after a few times of being caught out in lies the mother of other child realised all was NOT well in her daughters life.........be warned tho this will more than likely break up the friendship between your daughter and her BUT then again would this be such a loss, I know I would rather my daughter NOT hang out or around some lying little slut..........
also as a mum would you rather hear about this stuff or deal with the aftermath [babies STD'd etc] so if the above does not work then maybe a quiet aprroach to the mother over coffee and tell her you have heard some of the gossip about her child and are very worried about her reputation as OF COURSE you know this stuff just can not be true about her.................that way mum has the info and knows you dont believe it [this is where you lie of course]
Bottom line move you child gently BUT firmly away from this girl, sex lying etc whats next drugs booze......................
2006-09-09 08:38:10 · answer #3 · answered by candy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW...I'm so sorry to hear that you & your daughter are in the middle of this. First, if it were me, I would make sure that my daughter didn't assist with they lying any longer. If asked she should tell her friend that she cares about her too much to go along with the lies & if the friend doesn't like it then it isn't the kind of friend she wants anyway.
As for telling the parents, now that's a tough one. If you have a good relationship with them I would probably bring up the fact that there are things going on that they need to be aware of. Tell them that you don't want to get in the middle of anything but you feel that they need to talk with their daughter and get more involved with who she is with & what she is doing.
Depending on their relationship with her they may not believe you but at least you will have planeted the seed so to speak. They will at least think about it.
Good luck!! I'm so glad for you that your daughter had the courage to come to you and tell you what is going on. You have to be very careful to keep the lines of communication open.
Patty
2006-09-09 06:05:33 · answer #4 · answered by PattyW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am glad you are concerned about the teenager and you should be worried. I don't think you should put the pressure on your daughter to tell. First decide if the girls parents would be receptive of you discussing this mater with them. I believe that you should talk with the girls parents but please use caution because you have to understand if it was you in that position. Maybe ask the mother to meet you some where for lunch and discuss it with her first because it is harder for fathers to except their daughters are having sex. Also, ask the mother to keep it confidential who told her due to the girls friendship. Good luck and I think you are doing the right thing because it may prevent a future abortion or pregnancy.
2006-09-09 06:04:54 · answer #5 · answered by Just wondering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you want to be close to your daughter, but it is not your job to be her friend. You are her parent, she has friends. I'm curious as to how you know in fact that her friend is having sex and is not on birth control. Another concern would be the friends that your daughter is spending her time with. I believe it is time for a little parent intervention. Your daughter will be angry and upset, but like I said, It is your job to be a parent, not a friend. Children need parents to guide them, and when she becomes an adult with her own family she will understand.
2006-09-09 06:18:46 · answer #6 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you go to the parents, you may be opening a can of worms. They may not take it well and your daughter's peers may see her as the "girl who has a snitch for a mom".
However, with that said, wouldn't you want someone to tell you if it were your daughter? Do you want her to start emulating this girl? I would sit down and have a talk with your daughter. Encourage her to talk with her friend and have her come clean about her activities to her parents. If not, then you should talk with the parents. If she's sneaking around to have sexual relations, she may be into more.
2006-09-09 06:05:27 · answer #7 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell the parents. Jeopardizing the friendship between your daughter and her friend is less important than the greater harm that can come from silence regarding this matter. You will not have peace until you unburden yourself. Tell you daughter you are proud of her for her honesty and communication. Besides, your daughter told you this because it bothers her as well. Now, go make a difference.
2006-09-09 05:55:45 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Bernstein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
difficult one. time to enable the babies take care of it. the mother and dad will hate you and probable already comprehend. tell the daughter that babysits, she would manage to purely tell her what to do, yet while the girl lies, it rather is not her fault. the daughter purely needs to tell the mother and dad that she advised the youngster to do her paintings, yet she stated she did no longer have any. it rather is as much as the mother and dad from there. talk over with the extra youthful daughter approximately what are the traits of a stable buddy. tell her that if she has acquaintances that lie and scouse borrow, people will think of she's an identical way. stable luck.
2016-11-06 23:40:21 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were the girls parents, I would want to know what my daughter is doing. If your daughter thinks she has a friend, she is wrong. The girl is using her for her own gains. I had teenage children, and know what the are capable of doing.
The answer to your question, is YES, tell the girls parents. Your not betraying your daughter, because she is being betrayed by her friend!!!
2006-09-09 05:54:31 · answer #10 · answered by lariat_sonata 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋