Why do parents suck so bad?

Question

I finally made a plan with my friends. We all decided to go out into Boston, (I live like twenty minutes away.) We decided we would take the train into town, sweet! I’m 15 and decided I would go with a group of friends of like 5. My mother told me yes, twice. When she asked me who was going, I told her two or three names, the only people she might know. She decided that I could not go because of the other people going. I see that as, she does not trust me to make good decisions; when going out, and when choosing friends. I understand she is trying to look out for my best interest, but I also need to learn some things for myself. I ended up in tears, right in front of her. She let my brother, who is three years younger than me go into Boston with one friend to a baseball game, without a parent, yet she will not let me go with a larger group and with three more years of experience. I need to learn how to make good decisions, and she just is not letting me experience life. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

Come back and tell us when you have a few years experience of being a parent. I am sure we would all love to learn how to be perfect from you.

Answer 2

Hey ItalianStallion,

First of all, I disagree that crying shows a lack of maturity. It's okay to feel sad or frustrated, and there's no reason you should be too ashamed to express that. Obviously you feel very let down about this, and it's natural that you would express this in some way. It's been a long time since I was 15, but I still find that sometimes crying is the only way to express how bad you're feeling...

I understand you being upset that your mom changed her mind - parents can be frustrating sometimes! I think you should sit down and talk with your mom to find out why she made the decision she did. Tell her how you're feeling - that you feel she doesn't trust you and that you feel you sometimes need to make your own mistakes. Try to stay calm when you talk to her and don't get into a fight about it, but ask her to explain her decision. If there are particular people she doesn't want you hanging out with, find out why she feels this way about those people. Perhaps she needs to meet them or spend more time around them to understand that they're really okay after all.

Of course it's frustrating and upsetting and hard to understand her decision, but she obviously really loves you and wants the best for you. Maybe it's not a fair decision - even parents make mistakes sometimes. Perhaps what she could do is talk to the parents of some of the other kids who are going and then she might feel better about the whole thing - she may have concerns that you haven't thought about, and maybe she could work out these concerns with the other parents?

In any event, you and your mom should sit down and talk (which is probably not something you feel like doing with her right now!). You both need to understand each other's feelings and motivations, but try not to get angry or get into a fight about it, because this will only make things worse this time and will probably make her say no next time around.

Good luck! Let us know how things turn out...

Answer 3

Okay first of all your only 15 and your mother has all right to say
NO. There must be a good reason why she didn't let you go
with those guys. It all depends if you got into trouble with them in
the past, or she knows something about them and their bad
influence. But then again I'm not blaming your friends for any
mistakes you have made. It's only for your safety and she is still
responsible for you. For now on you have to show her, she can
trust you, for anything and everything. NO F**K- UPS. As for your younger brother , I don't have a clue why it's okay for him
to go. But like I said she has her reasons, ask her with out getting
upset. Try to be understanding. I have a daughter and when she was 15, I would let her go out to an extent. Other wise it was
NO. And if her friend would disrespect me and tell her come on
you don't have to listen to me, I would get pissed off. I would
literally get rid of her friend. Like don't come back ever again.
My daughter is now 21 and has two daughters and she'll be
going through the same thing I did with her. And when you
become a father ( in the future) You'll understand Parents
more. Remember I am a parent too, but we all don't think
the same. My daughter has never got into trouble with the law and she doesn't even intend too.

Answer 4

First of all, saying she let your brother of 3yr. younger go w/out a parent doesn't add up to me. That would make him 12, and I find it hard to believe he drove himself into town at that age. There had to have been a parent involved at some point. Your feelings are understandable, however: the bottom line is: your mom is in charge--not you. Whether you agree with her or not, you have to respect her. Respecting her decisions will get you a lot further. If you're constantly debating everytime she says no, then she'll probably only tighten your leash rather than loosen it, catch what I mean? If she changed her mind, then I believe she had good reason. I doubt she did it just to piss you off, or make you miserable. That's probably the farthest thing from her mind. Obviously there is one or more of the boys she didn't approve of, and doesn't think you'll be safe around them.. I think she made a wise decision. There's only one of you, and bad decisions on a parents part can screw up a kids life for good. Better over-protective than not giving a crap at all what you do! My parents let me run around doing whatever I wanted, and later in life, it made me feel like they didn't care. They were soooo stupid for it.
You're fortunate to have a Mom that gives a **** about you!!

Answer 5

Boston is a big place to get loss in. Your brother had a specific destination with a friend to public event.
You need to set some guide lines, its part of decision making. You need a plan: Time (how long will you be gone) Communication (are you able to call if something happens? or can your parents call you?) Destination (Is it safe for a 15 year old to hang out. Are there multiple destinations?) Food and Water (what will you eat when you get hungry?) Return trip (is it safe for a 15 year old to take a bus late?)

Answer 6

As I see it, I can relate to some of the answers given. No, I do not think you DESERVE an explanation from your mother. I do however think that it is good parenting if she does explain it, if that makes sense. From what you said, I see your younger brother was allowed to go to Boston to a baseball game. He had a specific place to go. A specific thing he was going to do.
I, personally as a parent would not let my 12 year old go to a baseball game with a friend of the same age by himself. Children are a precious commodity and so many things can happen, especially to a 12 y/o.
Why was he allowed to go and you were not? Maybe there are a few reasons to this. Maybe it was because he had a specific place he was going to be. You didn't state in your question that you were going to be in one place. Maybe she was afraid you were going to dress up as indians and have a "Tea Party". :)
Maybe it is because your Mom may trust you but doesn't trust one of your friends. Friends can be very influential. I know this from experience.
Maybe it had to do with the time inwhich you were leaviing or were going to be back. It could be because you are slacking in school, not be responsible by doing your chores, being disrespectful to your Mom, do not come back on time when you do go out with your friends.
Unfortunately there can be many reasons as to why but all I have are guess and speculations. One of the hardest things as a parent is letting go. Your Mother, I am sure loves you and wants to protect you as much as she can and sometimes it is hard as a good parent to step back and let you make mistakes or even prove that you won't make them in the first place.
Be patient and try to understand that her decision was not made as a punishment (most likely) but out of genuine concern for you and your safety. No parent wants to get a call telling them their precious child is in jail or in the hospital. She just wants to keep you on the right track. Keep you on the right path. Be respectful and know she is doing the best job she can. There is no one way to raise a child. Unfortunately parents do not make the right decision 100% of the time but they try. Hang in there.

Answer 7

Well...
I wouldn't say you're wrong, because I was 15 once, many years ago.
I understand how you want to go out and do things, but she may have found out something you don't know about. Mom's have a way of smelling danger from 17 miles east, due-west, south and northeast. Try sitting down with her and calmly asking her why she changed her mind, respectfully. You may be surprised at her answer, and she might be surprised at the maturity you can show if you intelligently go about the conversation with an open mind to what she has to say.
I know it's hard to be that age. You'll learn a lot and be exposed to a lot in the next 5 years. And your Mom just wants to keep you safe as long as she can, because she knows that, too.
Good luck, sweetie. Hang in there, and remember you'll be 18 before you turn around good, and you might just be wishing you had Mom's advice and hugs when you are out on your own. ;^)

Answer 8

My parents were like that...both of them...that's how I know what LOVE feels like. They're both dead now.

Your question should be ...Try..."AM I LOVED? ". However, you're not going to be able to appreciate her until she's no longer around.

Then, again, we have folks your age that are very UPSET complaining that their parents don't care what they do, where they go, or who they see. They go out and come home beat up after a fight and the parents don't even ask, "WHAT HAPPENED"?

Some folks have been found dead, murdered by their own, "so called friends", where parents can't give any information to the police because they've never heard of the, "so called friends" , or heard their names before because it was kept secret, they never met them. Oh, they're all experienced running the streets and some have taken what they 've learned to their GRAVES.

What do you think about that?

TAKE YOUR PICK.. Think which type parent you would perfer... and then, tell your Mother. You're not wrong for wanting experience and believe me she wants you to gain it..it's just that she wants you to survive the experiences you're up against so take it slow you WILL have a lot of it. All not pleasant.

Answer 9

OK I'M da grandma here and I can tell you that your mother is right to keep you home if she feels the crowd your hanging with is going to end up in a mess. My son was constantly wanting to run around with another boy well I just had this bad vibe about this kid and I did my best to break up that friend but he wasn't listening. Finally I simply moved to get him away from the kid. That summer he invited my son to go on vacation with and hids Dad and I both decided it was best he didn't go he was mad and had a fit still he didn't get his way. A group of them went and the boy ended up dead in a wreck this was his mother's only child. Do I feel bad yes her child is dead do I feel bad about not letting my son have his way No because he's still alive and kicking. Your mother may see something that you can't see so don't get to angry at her. Everything happens for a reason I believe this to be true and so should you. Believe it or not you will grow up one day and do what you want to so stop complaining and go hug your mother she apparently loves you enough to say sorry but not this time.

Answer 10

Well I would have to hear her side of the story. The fact is that you are still young. Look I know how it is because im 16 and sometimes my parents drive me crazy. The thing is that usually when I look back, they were right. It stinks but they usually know whats best. Your mom obviously doesnt trust your friends, not you. She obvioulsy trusts you because earlier she was going to let you go. Friends are a HUGE part of our lives and influence us so much. Even if you dont do it, you could still get in trouble. For example if one teen is drinking and is with some others, they all get arrested (not that your friends do this its just an example) Not too long ago a guy that lived by me was hanging out with some friends. His friends had a brilliant idea to go train hopping. The guy was hesitant but went. Sounds fun right... wrong. Guess what, he died. Your mom doesnt trust your friends for a reason, i dont know what it is but its there. Just try to listen to her even though it sucks sometimes. At least she loves you enough to care and at least you have parents. My friends mom just died and she would do anything to see her mom one last time. When your older you are going to make decisions for yourself and your mom wont be there so try to pay attention to why she does things now so you will make good decisions in the future. Hope it works out.

Answer 11

She just taught you a lesson son, you said that you just told her three friends that she would know, you should have been straight up with her in the first place, if you hold back about the little things...that is probably why she felt that she could not trust you.
That is Life, and you are experiencing it, next time when you make the "good decision" of starting out with the truth, maybe Mom will have more respect in your decision making.