Our daughter has been planning to visit her boyfriend on his birthday (lives in a different city - 20 mins away). However at the last minute she ask her mother if she could just spend the night and sleep on the couch. His family would all be home. My wife told her no and that she is not giving her permission, but our daughter spent the night anyway. Since our daughter still lives at home, how should we react to this?
2006-09-09 03:26:34 · 35 answers · asked by Bashy Smashy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She's 19, legally she has the right to do as she wishes;of course you have the right to put her out of your house while she isn't following your rules also.
My daughter is 20 lives at home and has never stayed the night with a boyfriend, she has a beautiful 15 month old daughter that I would not trade for the world.
Trust your daughter, first. We're baby boomers and we do not have the capacity to see the world through the eyes of our children.
Thank God you know where she is and where she was, you have to trust her or lose her. Whatever your mind is manufacturing that she and her boyfriend may have done, they could have done the same thing if he picked her up and they said they were going to the mall.
You are blessed with a daughter that wants to be honest with you, if she feels like she can't tell you the truth because of some punishment you'll hand down ..........you may never know the truth.........chill out.
2006-09-09 03:44:31 · answer #1 · answered by NerdWomanCool 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I could say
-- punish her because she DOES still live in your house so she should follow your rules.
or
-- you need to let go and accept the fact that she is of legal age and has probably already had sex which you know is what you are worried about.
All I know is I would never (yes I still live at home) call my mother and ask her if I could stay the night at my boyfriends house why because the way I was brought up you don't stay the night at a boyfriends house no matter who will be there. You get in your car and make the 20 minute drive back home. My mother isn't stupid she knows we're grown and there is the possibility that we have had s.e.x. but we kind of live on a don't ask don't tell policy.
I don't know she's of age, yes this is true but she obviously knew it could be a problem if she stayed the night there that's why she called and she purposely disobeyed. If she wasn't going to do what you told her then why did she call? If you try to punish her there is a chance she could try to leave and before you know it she'll be living with the boy. Maybe you could talk to her about it tell her why you don't want her staying in his house and she can tell you why she thinks it's ok for her to stay in his house. I bet you anything her excuse for it being ok is because she is of age which (duh) is just lame. GOOD LUCK!
2006-09-09 03:43:12 · answer #2 · answered by Trish H 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not dealing with a child but a young adult. Simply ask her why she made the choice, and ask her to follow the family rules if she is going to live at home.
She doesn't have to live at home, and she could decide that she doesn't need to, so if that's your intention then go for it.
However, if she's a good kid, why would you not trust her to simply spend the night on the couch? Do you think you can stop her from having a sexual relationship if she wants to?
Unless her other behavior dictates it, you and your wife need to back off alittle and take a look at the young woman living in your house, not the little girl you think still lives there.
2006-09-09 03:41:43 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard to let go,especially with daughters. She probably should have shown you a bit more respect considering the fact that she does still live at home. But in the end she is an adult and I'm sure she didn't do it to hurt you and your wife. Just think in a few years to come you probably won't even remember this. I know how hard it can be, they think they have all the answers but they don't. They will learn. Just show her love and explain why it was important to you both that she not spend the night at her boyfriends house.
2006-09-09 03:40:21 · answer #4 · answered by Indianna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, at 19 years old, with parents home, why did your wife say no? Is there a trust problem with your daughter or her boyfriend. Second, she is living under your roof and is expected to obey your rules and since the answer was no I would think you want to teach her a lesson one way or another. Unless there IS a trust issue, the next time I would give her a chance to prove that she can act like an adult and be trusted. Good luck
2006-09-09 03:34:48 · answer #5 · answered by ctryhnny04 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not that I am a parent, but your daughter is 19. She obviously loves and respects you and your wife enough to ask your permission because she is living in your home. Considering his family will be there and are ok with it, says alot. Give her a bit of trust, but also remember she is an adult. Let her make her mistakes, life is about learning.
2006-09-09 05:30:57 · answer #6 · answered by Irish Girl in Cali 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your daughter is 19, she should be responsible enough to make her own decisions. does she still get an allowance? my parents booted my a$$ at 17 and i respect them for that. i never had the need to move back in with them. how long do you plan on letting her live there? until she is 40? i mean fer real man, what are you going to do, ground her? take away the bmw?reduce her allowance to $50 a week? i think it is time for your daughter to get a taste of the real world. sorry if this sounds a little rude but thats how i am
2006-09-09 03:41:59 · answer #7 · answered by lheitjan_01 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I disagree with not letting her stay there. My parents used to let me have my boyfriend stay the night on special occasions. Such as homecoming and things like that. Truly, her sex life is her own business. I didn't start having intercourse until I was 20, and I had been with this person for eight months. I think that's pretty respectable.
But the thing is, as my parents said when I still lived in their house, I'm under THEIR roof and their rules. Unless she is paying rent, then she is your "responsibility" so to speak. Punish her as you see fit, and explain to her that if she wants freedom then she can start paying rent and move out on her own. I'm glad that's what my parents did with me. At 22 I'm living a free, but responsible life in my own HOME... not an apartment.
2006-09-09 03:36:08 · answer #8 · answered by Girlshapedlovedrug 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Shes 19 years old and an adult since she is still living at home she should have some rules but only in your house like not coming in at a late hour or having people stay over you dont want over. Let her live her life how she want outside your home if shes not hurting anyone.
2006-09-09 03:37:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It was really bad that she didn't listen to you and spent the night there, but I think you should be more understanding. She's an adult now, so I guess she can do whatever she wants in her personal life, as well as respect her parents. It was her decision to spent the night at her boyfriend's, so I think she had the right to do this. It hurts, but you have to accept it. Though this doesn't mean that you can't advise her anymore whenever she needs it.
2006-09-09 03:42:12 · answer #10 · answered by firefly 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋