What's the best way to live with this sad and complicated family situation?

Question

I'm 13 and have a bad relationship w/ my parents. For 7 months I haven't hardly talked to them. They were too harsh on me cause I got a bit sidetracked and this destroyed our relationship completely. That time I was doing wrong stuff and really had to chnange, so today I avoid bad crowds and my parents even say they are proud of me, despite my strong resentment. It's kinda bad to live this way, I really miss my parents affection, I feel lone and lonely but it's a fact that can't be changed. Thery tried to fix our relationship but it was impossible. They have nothing to complain, cause I'm an excellent student, don't get in trouble (my experience with bad crowds was traumatic, those people disappointed and hurt me) and take part in several healty activities, even dewal with children at a church. So, my qustion is: since my relationship with my parents is destroyed for life,what's the best way to live w this, how can I get comfort and guidance when I need?

Answer 1

maybe you can go to family counsiling

Answer 2

Your parents can never stop loving you---there is a physical and emotional tie that is nigh impossible to break. The very fact that you miss the affection means that it was there before and that they demonstrate affection and are not cold or unresponsive. The fact that they tried to fix the relationship means that they cared enough to want it. So stop doubting their love.
You have broken their trust and perhaps their hearts a bit. They are human and are also hurting. You now have to first earn their trust again and show them how much they mean to you---not in words yet but in the way you behave, respond and care for them.
Continue doing well with your studies and being involved in healthy sports and activity. Stay out of trouble, spend more time at home and try showing more concern and involvement with family issues and problems. Stop focussing on YOU as if that is the only thing important. They too have lives and fears and frustrations and hurts and upsets----be there gently for them. When they see you reaching out and behaving more mature---their dependence and respect for you will increase and slowly they will let their suppressed love bubble out and again envelope you in its warmth and joy. Take it slowly and have hope

Answer 3

In a previous question, you asked where your resentment toward your parents will lead to. I guess a lot will depend on just how ‘self-centred’ you are !!!

What right do you have to be resentful toward your parents?
Were they the ones who were sidetracked?

I answered a similar question to yours recently, by telling the questioner that she should stop being a ‘spoilt little brat’…
Congratulations… You get the same response !!!

You say you miss your parents affection… Grow up !!!
Your parents have told you they love you and are proud of you.
If you weren’t so resentful, you would thrive on the affection they give you !!!

You were the one doing wrong stuff, and who really had to change…
What would your life be like now, if your parents weren’t harsh on you, and allowed you to continue to be sidetracked?
You don’t have a right to be resentful toward them…
You should be damn well ‘thanking them’!!!

I’m glad you said you were ‘an excellent student’ because I sure as heck wouldn’t have guessed it from reading your question… Your spelling is atrocious… Or is it just a case of you being too lazy to do a spell check?

You really do like feeling good about yourself, don’t you.
Well guess what… I’m not here to make you feel good about yourself !
You are 13 years old… You are supposed to be a ‘mature adolescent’…
It is about time you started acting like one !!!

What would your life be if it wasn’t for your parents?
They were harsh toward you seven months ago…
What about the twelve years before then???
Who changed your dirty nappies when you were a baby?… Who fed and clothed you?… Who paid for your education?… Who loved you, even when you were sidetracked?
None of that counts for anything, huh?

Grow up, girl… Your ‘resentment’ will only lead to ‘your regrets’.
If you were after a ‘sympathetic’ response… Tough luck !!!

Answer 4

The effects of bad choices can last a very long time. Some of them for the rest of our lives. All we can do is strive to make our lives better, and hope that we can regain the trust that is lost. The fact that you are doing better in school and staying out of trouble will not be lost on them forever. By being involved in the activities you mentioned you will eventually be able to better deal with your loss. You are filling the void. And since it is a huge void it will take a lot to fill it. All any of us can do is the best we can. But that is no guarantee things will turn out the way we want. But giving up will guarantee they won't.

Answer 5

Hey, you're 13!!!
relax, and don't think about it so much. Your parents are probably trying to give you "tough love" but don't misinterpret that as the end of everything. You can't say a relationship is over until you actually understand WHAT constitutes a relationship, and learning that is an ongoing process. You're 13. There are many pleasant surprises in stall for you yet!! Sit back and enjoy the crazy ride of life!

Answer 6

I am not sure what your action was, or that may have occured, that resulted in this bitter ness inside your family, you are only 13 years old. And children make all sorts of mistakes throughout thier child hood, it up to the parents to be responsiable to assist you and guide and direct you with unconditional love, maybe you could write a letter to your parents , telling them how wrong you were and how you miss thier affection and maybe you and your parents could talk to the pastor at the church, ask forgiveness , all of mankind has sin and god see sin as sin, thier is no level of sin in gods eyes, god does not favor one child over the next, Jesus Christ died for our sin and we must learn our lords way, and practice our lords way in our daily christian life. You are only a child, and I hope your parent will be able set aside any resentments and angry they may have, and let the past be in the past and lay all things to rest and begin a new day to create new a wonderful and beautiful moment along the way.

Answer 7

If both you and your parents want a relationship, then the relationship is not destroyed. I like the answer about family couseling. You could also print out your question and give it to them-it seems to say everything that needs to be said. Or, you could write a different letter to give to them. Sometimes it's easier to put feelings in writing than it is to talk about them. I remember feeling this way. It will get better-I promise. Just don't give up, and don't let you parents give up either.

Answer 8

I sounds like you're hurting for real. I'm glad you're asking for help. My guess is that your relationship with your parents is not destroyed for life. I think you should try to tell them how you feel. The letter idea is a good one. I did that with my mom a long time ago and it helped.
Also, if your family is doing things, ask if you can help, go with them somewhere, just tell them you want to spend time with them. You can also try to initiate activities that you both like.
Your parents love you and it might just take a little while for them to trust you again. Be patient and good luck.

Answer 9

Your being very closed minded by saying that your relationship with your parents is over for good.

I'm 24 years old and I went through a really tough time when I was your age. I started drinking and partying and sneaking out. I went through major deppression and suicide attempts and I HATED my parents! They were never around. They just threw me into mental hospitals and rehabs to take care of me and get me out of their hair. I eventually got better and it tool a long time but as I grew up I started to understand thier actions and now I don't resent them anymore and we have a GREAT relationship.

Basicly what I'm saying is to keep an open mind. Don't rule them out. It's okay to be angry and hurt but eventually in time you will be able to repair the relationship.

For now I suggest writing in jopurnals...maybe try poetry...surrond yourself with trusting friends that you can talk to when you don't feel you can. And try to find an adult...maybe an aunt or an older cousin..a teacher or counsler...that you trust and can go to when you need adult guidence.

You can email me anytime if you wan to talk or vent.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Your relationship with your parents is not destroyed. In fact, it is on the mend.
They love you and obviously you have changed your lifestyle because of their taking a "tough love" attitude.

You should be proud of yourself as it seems that you have gotten back on track. You should feel very fortunate that you have parents who love you.

As a high school teacher I can not tell you how many of my students have no support system like the one that you do. What they wouldn't do to find such loving parents!

Make your life easier ~ reconnect with your mom and dad. You have become one terrific kid and they know it...

Answer 11

This is because when u make a small mistake it is enhanced to big by catalyst. Time alone can solve this problems. But keep patience. This happens in every family. Every finger is not identical and every family has its own drawbacks. Dont feel the bads and try to enjoy as much as you can. Life is short and dont cry for knoughts. Rest your burden to him he will resolve it in later stages of ur life.
See someone down u atleast. Satisfy yourself.