My husband's 19 year old nephew, "Ted" was in juvie for about 5 years. He was let out about one year ago. Since Ted needed stability and good role models, his public guardian asked if he could come live in our home. My husband and I both agreed. Last night Ted confessed to me that the reason he was in juvie was because he molested someone (he would not tell me who) because his father forced him to. His father also molested him. Ted then claimed that he is all better and knows that he would never do it again. He said that his counselor asked him if he felt sexual arroused by his cousin. I thought he meant an older cousin, then I was told he meant my daughter who is 6! He swears the answer was no, but I am really worried! This boy needs someone to constantly remind him that he needs to shower, clean up, sleep in his bed, smoke outside, put his things away, etc. I don't have a release to talk to his case workers or anything, but I am wondering what would you do in this case?
2006-09-09 00:02:11 · 25 answers · asked by Someonesmommy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
His mother is a whack job all of her own kind. She went nuts (all kidding aside), the day her husband was arrested. He has major mental issues (i think skitsophenia, spelled wrong), so none of the family really wants him around. I just want you all to know that I agree with everyone that has answered this question. I was just wondering if I was thinking to much into it, but it really sounds like I am not. Thanks everyone! His father is in prison and was only related by marriage, so I could care less what he thinks. Ted's younger siblings have all been adopted to others in the family. Another is a home too because she was molested by the father.
2006-09-09 00:28:16 · update #1
casurfwatcher........ Thanks, I hadn't thought of telling them that I will hold them legally responsbile for anything that happens. I have already talked with my daughter (for the past 2 years) about good and bad touch. Thanks for looking out for us, I appreciate it.
2006-09-09 00:31:02 · update #2
This is a very difficult and sensitive place for you to be in, my prayers are with you and all the decisions you will have to make. First do you love this boy? If you don't then find him another place. Second take steps to protect your child just in case. Never give the devil no play if you know what I mean. Do not let any door of opportunity open that would lead your nephew to offend again. If you take a shower, have your child in the restroom with you, stuff like that. Always talk to your baby and make sure she can talk to you. Keep a baby monitor in her room so you can hear if anyone goes in there at night. Just take steps to ensure her safety and make sure your nephew remains in counseling!
2006-09-09 04:59:43 · answer #1 · answered by Ms. Nita 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs some serious counseling. Without the proper counseling and support he may very well go in the same direction as his parents. His father abused him and he will most likely abuse someone else. Keep your eyes on your daughter protect her. Get the release you need to talk to his worker your child's mental health is in jeopardy. His father was a child molester. I am not saying that there is no hope for him. I am just saying until you are 100% sure that he will not do this again by careful. Your husband and you are very good people for wanting to help. Good Luck.
2006-09-09 07:39:56 · answer #2 · answered by Dorrie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you are trying to be a good person by helping Ted out and giving him a place to live. But, at 19 he should be able to take care of himself. I wouldn't allow him to be in my house and especially around my 6 year old daughter knowing his history. Even though you have talked to your daughter about appropiate touching, it is still putting a lot of pressure on your daughter to be able to tell you when Ted does something wrong to her. But the time that happens it is already to late. The abuse would have already happened. The best thing to do would be to have Ted move out of your house. Remove the tempetation for him. Once a guy has been sexually abused, he will abuse again.
2006-09-09 08:24:28 · answer #3 · answered by cee cee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you for bringing him in because he is family and his father sounds like a sicko, but if I was in the same position, I don't think I could let him live with me. Only because of your 6 year old. It always seems that the molesters you hear about on the news were molested as children. It seems too risky to have him living there.
I have 2 teenage daughters and if I ever found out anyone ever touched them, that someone wouldn't be alive very much longer if I could find them.
I wish you luck with this but you must protect your own first. I hope it works out for all involved.
It is a pretty messed up world when we have to worry about stuff like this.
2006-09-09 07:14:57 · answer #4 · answered by Obsean 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as much as you need to be supportive about his problems and his willingness to change for the better, it's your own daughter's wellbeing that must come first. Since you've agreed to allow him into your home, I guess that the only thing you can do is ALWAYS BE WEARY of his behaviour, your daughter's behaviour, and never once let them be alone together, even for a second. The best thing would do is to have him stay somewhere else, but still be able to hang out with the family etc. etc. Make sure your daughter knows to tell you if anything out of the norm is happening. You can only be too careful in a situation like this, and pray for the best for both him and your family. It is important that he knows you love and care for him, as to instil his trust in you, as an effort to let him know that he should never ever betray the trust you have in him.
2006-09-09 07:15:06 · answer #5 · answered by izyorke4767 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why would you have him in your home if you cannot discuss his case with the case worker??? whose logic is that? you need to have total information about "ted" made available to you especially with minor children in the home. your first responsibility is to them. secondly, since he made this confession to you, you need to have a serious talk with your six year old about "inappropriate or unwanted touching" ... reassure her that you love her very much and that you would not stop loving her if someone were to touch her in a way she did not like . make sure she understands that she must tell you right away if anyone were to touch her or want to touch her in a "bad" way ... that she would not be bad or get in trouble and that you would make the person go away who was making her scared. most molesters use psychology and fear to control their victims. i would contact the case worker and inform them that you will hold them legally and criminally responsible for not informing you of risk factors to your family if any of your family members are injured in any way. as Ted's guardians, you have a right to know as he is in your custody and you may be legally accountable for his actions to some degree ... this is why sex offenders are registered, so the neighborhood can keep an eye on these people
2006-09-09 07:21:27 · answer #6 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Usually minors who have molested some one, they are not allowed to be around minor children, I am not sure what you mean by public guardian , usually when some one over the age of 18 has a guardian, this would indicate the person needs a lot of help in managing their daily care, addition to , usually people with guardian are look upon as property not as a person, as sad as it is, yet this guardian is totally responsible and liable for ted actions, I would suggest if your community has an agency, community mental health (CMH) to bring this matter to their attention. Your main concern should be the safety of your minor children. Please do not put your child in harms way, it is nice you are trying to help some one, yet when it come to your children , protect them first.
2006-09-09 09:49:55 · answer #7 · answered by soulstore 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds by his odor that he may have a mental illness. He is telling you this because he needs help. I would call 211 which is the national referral service for united way. Ask the number for MHMR and a child abuse family support group. i think you should go with him to some type of support group as well as give him a mental evaluation at Mental health and mental retardation. I would also ask if you can get information from his caseworker. He might be willing to release that information. I thank you thou for what you are doing for this boy. I hope your daughter is ok.
2006-09-09 07:36:37 · answer #8 · answered by circusdejojo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get him out of the house. Even if you are wrong and even if he is better and would never touch her, its a chance you cant take. If he does something to her it cant be undone. If you suspect he might and you don't do everything in your power to prevent even the slightest possibility then it will be partially your fault. Some people need to be given the benefit of the doubt and some people just need some love to get over a bad situation. But leave that to a family who doesn't have young children around.
2006-09-09 07:15:25 · answer #9 · answered by ttownclown 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not responsible for the welfare of your 19 year old nephew. You are responsible for the welfare of your 6 year old daughter. This boy came to live with you without full disclosure that you were entitled to...you do not owe him or his parents anything. Have him removed from your home immediately!! If he or his father never speak to you again, that would not be such a bad thing!!! At least you would know that your daughter is safe. I wouldn't trust him with her.
2006-09-09 07:16:04 · answer #10 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋