My sister in law has just gotten divorced from my brother. During the course of the marriage, she chose to be a stay at home mom against his wishes, it was also something he could not afford. Now that she is divorced she calls him up expecting him to give her money ( more then child support) but no alimony has been granted to her. She asked me what my advice is to her, and I told her to " get a job", but she says she can't and she won't, she just expects my brother to support her so she can still play the housewife! Now she calls me everyday begging for money I am not going to give her. The only thing that I can tell her is why didn't she think of this in the first place? I swear it is like dealing with a child, this woman has never earned a dime, she has no idea what it really means to work! She has always had men paying for everything. I told her that if you want to be a good mother you need to get a job to support your kids since this is the 21st century.
2006-09-08 23:24:15 · 11 answers · asked by Rose 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Right on sister! It's not up to you to finance her lifestyle. If she is in the UK you could get her the info to show how she would be better off working up to 16 hours a week to get benefits. You could help her find proper childcare which she could claim tax credits for. What's happening to the kids in all of this? They should be your family's priority. If she is genuinely struggling you could give the kids nice clothes etc for christmas.
2006-09-08 23:30:39 · answer #1 · answered by Dancemomma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs a reality check. You don't get money for nothing. Nobody wants to support an able bodied person. She is being a spoiled brat.
I knew a woman once who had this same thought. She was a beautyqueen type and always relied on her parents to pay for everything she did and bought. She was obssessed with tanning. She had a baby boy at 19.
At 23, she moved out and her parents paid her rent. She would only work part time and only wanted to be a bar server. She relied heavily on child support so she could buy herself make up, clothes and hair care products. She became an alcoholic, was out of work and had another baby, a girl, at the age of 33. Her parents stopped paying her way. She refused to work then went onto welfare. She insisted that welfare "has to give her a 2 bedroom" and balked at paying for rent when she eventually got a job, working part time as a server in a bar.
She was never happy and neither babys' dad gave her the time of day. They paid their support and took the kids once in awhile but they couldn't stand the mother! She started taking prescription drugs for anxiety and depression and her kids control her. Sometime, along the way, she got breast implants. She now is a mental case and her weight has ballooned. Her kids have jobs now and seem to have grown up well enough. But, all her friends have left her and she just sits and watches cable tv (which welfare provides) day in and day out.
The sad thing is is that she was a standout gymnast in high school and was offered a full college scolarship. She chose to be a party girl because she loved the attention and the irresponsible drinking. Now she's friendless, her skin looks like a baseball glove, overweight and miserable.
2006-09-08 23:47:12 · answer #2 · answered by viewAskew 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What does this being the 21st century have to do with anything...Women's liberation wasn't just so women could be accepted in the work force, it was so that women could make their own choices...maybe it's YOU who needs to join the 21st century here. If you don't want her calling don't answer her calls. Get caller ID for your phone or an answering machine. Turn off the phone's ringer and let the machine pick up all calls. Then erase the ones you don't want and call back everyone else. You can also easily answer any incoming calls if you listen to see who it is and whether you want to speak with them. From your rant however I sense a sort of jealousy of her on your part. If it wasn't there you wouldn't be going on and on ranting and raving about how she doesn't work. She made a choice in HER life. And it is quite obvious that YOU didn't like her choice. Too bad...you don't get to call all the shots.
2006-09-12 20:04:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been There, Done That, Never Going There Again!!!Stop talking to your sister-in-law! If she opens up again, make it clear and FINAL that your only concerns are for your nieces & newfews, any other comments,questions,requests, etc are not of your concern. It doesn't sound like you were ever friends with her so don't stay involved now that your brother and her are divorced! or The next question you post with be "how to get your brother back in your life". The best advise I or anyone should give you - is STAY OUT OF HER BUSINESS!!!and you'll stay out of her life. Get on with yours darlin!
2006-09-08 23:40:40 · answer #4 · answered by peaches 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say she won't get a job because she's a lazy S.O.B. Does your brother actually give her money if he does "not saying he does just asking" then he is adding to the problem. Once no one will help her after so long she will get sick of it and either find a new sugar daddy or get an actual job.
P.S. If I were you I'd tell her to take a flying leap and to stop asking you for money.
2006-09-08 23:34:05 · answer #5 · answered by rochelle s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A mother shouldn't have to go out and work a different job.
Being a mom is a full-time job in itself. Why should she have to go out and do another job on top of that?! Especially when most of her wages would probably only go towards childcare anyway - which is a job she would rather be doing by herself. It makes no sense at all. She shouldn't have to miss out. Tell your brother to grow up and be a man, and to do what's necessary to support his family.
She needs support, not condemnation.
2006-09-09 01:08:38 · answer #6 · answered by Butterscotch 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would just avoid her calls and when you talk to her tell her you are not going to help her she will eventually have no choice but to get a job and try to help herself. She is proably just going to try and use the kids as an excuse for always wanting money and you just cant go along with her game. My sis is doing the same thing to our family right now
2006-09-08 23:34:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She should get a job. It's not up to your brother to pay anything to her beyond what the court has ordered. Sounds like he just pays child support. She is an adult who needs to work to take care of her children, she needs to grow up and relieze this, and know that people arn't going to pay for her every step of the way.
2006-09-08 23:34:59 · answer #8 · answered by mcdholiday 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think your missing the big picture,the only people i can see suffering here is the children involved,they have seen their parents split,is your brother helping in any way or is he just looking out for number one like his sister
2006-09-08 23:35:42 · answer #9 · answered by havanadig 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there are jus some people out there like that
my cuzin & my step sister is tha exact same way...she refused to work & get a job...
she lived with her parents til she was 23 or 24 & they paid for everything for her.
til finally she met a guy...moved out, married him, & shes a stay at home mom!
there are jus some people like that
set around complain about everything....they have been pampered all their lives...& now shes want your sympethy & she want u to take care of her now........
TUFF LOVE! ALWAYS WORKS
STAND YOUR GROUND....DONT GIVE IN TO HER...
if u have to
start ignoring her fone calls...til she stops...
MAKE HER SEE & REALIZE
SHE HAS RESPONSIBLITIES SHE HAS TO TAKE CARE OF...& PERSONALLY I WOULD HELP YOUR BROTHER GET CUSTODY OF THOSE KIDS...
CUZ IF SHES NOT WILLIN TO GET A JOB & SUPPORT THEM... THEN THOSE CHILDREN ARE NOT BEIN PROVIDED FOR PROPERLY EXCEPT WAT HE IS PROVIDING!!
WELLL GOOD LUCK
2006-09-08 23:43:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋