Im the step mother to 2 beautiful kids, the only problem is their MOTHER.. ive tried so hard to get along with her.. i watch the kids anytime she needs someone to.. they go to school in our school district so they ride the bus to and from our house on our weekends.. or when ever she needs for us to watch the kids during the week.. but she's such a b*tch..she does all she can to make the kids hate me..and disrespect me..She left my husband..she didnt want him.. so why is she taking her b.s. out on me..?? I tried to be nice, i am always polite to her, never talk bad about her infront of her, although she does about me and my husband infront of the kids..and when i signed her daughters "homework" papers while they were staying with us, to prove that a adult checked them over she went balistic writing a note to the teacher that im not allowed to sign any school papers..i could understand if they were permission slips but they were homework papers..
2006-09-08 19:14:10 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh and she's really pissed cause about a year and a half ago, i told her she could no longer just walk into my house as if she owned the place that she had to wait outside till she was invited in.. Has do all x wives act like this??????geeze my x husband has it easy.. lol..
2006-09-08 19:15:22 · update #1
I try very hard not to step on her toes, ive even told my husband no to certain things he's asked me to do, cause i felt it was her mothers place not mine to do .. but she is so rude to me and always making the kids feel like they have to choose between me and her..
2006-09-08 19:16:47 · update #2
that was suppose to read " i never talk bad about her infront of the kids" lol.. or her either lol..
2006-09-08 19:18:11 · update #3
Just not sure if i can keep eatting her sh(t politely with a spoon if u know what i mean.. she's become so extremely petty..
2006-09-08 19:21:09 · update #4
My husband is an excellent father, he's one of those fathers that feel his children were ripped away from him.. and wants to spend as much time with them as possible not just what the court papers say.. so he doesnt like to fight with her unless he has to..cause he fears she'll make it hard for him to see his kids except for just his weekends and thats it.. so most of the time he keeps his mouth shut about her ignorance..
2006-09-08 19:32:10 · update #5
my mom went thru the same thing. all you can do is keep being the nice person you are, treat her kids good, and do your best to ignore her craziness... unless she walks in your house again or says something to you to your face that's ugly- then very calmly smile and say- "can you explain yourself?" or "why do you say that?". most people stutter, turn red, and shut up when you use that simple little phrase because (1) they realize that they can't get under your skin like they want to and (2) they can't explain themselves without basically saying, "well, i'm a crazy b_ _ _ _."
sounds like she has control issues when it comes to her kids and her ex. also sounds like she is just one of "those people" that make the world suck for the rest of us.
btw, why doesn't your husband have you back against this woman? don't tell me he's scared of her!
i wish you luck.
2006-09-08 19:27:30 · answer #1 · answered by miss advice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're feeling resentful of the situation, and that you are putting yourself out with childcare of children that aren't yours, and being nice to someone that's constantly disrespecting you.
Time to be an assertive head of the household and lay down some rules. If you let this go, that resentment will come out on the kids or your husband, the kids don't deserve more stress and your marriage deserves a good chance. Right?
Tell your husband to take a more active role here. It's HIS ex. He can answer her calls. He can sign the kids homework papers (even if you checked them over). He can talk to her when she wants to rant at the front door. He can discuss with his children how he loves his wife and is hurt by their mothers insults, and how he hopes they make their own judgements about you based on how you treat them. Not what their mother says.
You can refuse to babysit last minute, unless it's a true emergency. Read: she was in a serious car accident or is on fire. You can stick to the legal agreement, weekends or whathave you. You can tell her like an adult, that you feel she has been disrespectful to you, and you have decided to take these actions now because you won't tolerate it.
She doesn't need to be your friend. You can be civil and nothing more. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to be 'super step-mom'. It's not your job to make sure it all runs smooth. Everyone else has a part in it too.
2006-09-09 02:26:08 · answer #2 · answered by lucy_shy8000 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In all fairness to the situation they are her kids and until they are grown you will have to deal with her. She is there mother and though you can love and be good to them you can never be what she is!
I would continue being nice as this is the most thoughtful thing you can do for her kids and your husband's sake.
I would let her know that you are willing to respect her wishes if she is willing to show you the same respect, let her know that you appreciate that she may not like that you are a step but that you are and the fact is your both going to have to show the kids that they are loved, my being decent and respectful to each other and not causing even more hurt! They have already had there parents and life's broken apart, tell her you can both choose to make it about them and work together or give them something else that hurts! Your choice is that you are better teachers than that and good role models.
Good luck!
2006-09-09 02:21:44 · answer #3 · answered by Cheryl K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I to have the X-wife syndrome, Yes they are her children, sometime we need to scream out loud of such behavior. Help the kids with the homework, let dad sign the papers.
Her anger at herself reflecting judgment for the kids. Keep up the work with dad and the kids Keep thing happy when their with the both of you. Overlooking the obvious isn't always easy, We are the other women. Enjoy the moments.
2006-09-09 10:00:56 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have the same problem here but in reverse. There father does what his x does to us. So my wife his x were talking one day about visitation and he called her a b i t c h and I came in the room and she was crying. Now the whole time they were married he never took up for her and let his parents and realitives walk all over her. Anyway I got on the phone with him and explained to him that if he talked like that again to her I would beat the living s h i t out of him. Don`t keep taking that crap off of her just don`t do anything around the kids. But i`d let her have it. Maybe then she`ll know her place!! You can do it in a nice way but let her know that her BS is over and next time your not going to be so nice about it!! Some people you just can`t be nice too no matter what you do!! I treat people like they treat me!! You treat me like s h i t then you better prepare to get it back in return but worse. Good Luck!!
2006-09-09 02:45:24 · answer #5 · answered by bren_jim 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That sucks. But her crap is part of the package you bought in to when you married your husband. You could eliminate some of it if you moved far enough away to make it less convenient for the ex to use you as defacto babysitting. As for the brainwashing there's not a lot you can do. Your best bet is to continue to take the high road and show the kids by your actions how you feel about them and your dad. Kids are pretty good at making their own judgements about the people in their lives.
2006-09-09 02:26:06 · answer #6 · answered by 101pupil 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you married a man with a past...and you don't like his past. That is too bad. You obviously knew that he had been involved before, he had two children, and when you married him you got all of the excess baggage as well. I don't know why his ex acts the way she does...perhaps it has something to do with him, you said he won't make waves with her for fear of not spending time with the kids...well she's taking advantage of that. The issue over the signing of school papers is a petty one...on both your parts. You're ticked because she informed the teacher that you're not allowed to sign them. Just don't sign them for crying out loud. Whether you like it or not she is still the children's mother and obviously custodial parent, and all I can say at this point is if you didn't want to get into all of this in the first place why did you marry the man?
2006-09-09 03:38:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
She should be lucky that you actually care about someone else's kids and that you are willing to look after them and help them with their homework rather than neglect them. The bottom line is that she is just jealous and she shouldn't be because as you say, she left him. The fact is that relationships die. If it's not you, it's going to be someone else that he will be with, so she will always have to put up with another woman. She should at least appreciate a 'good' woman that is willing to take care of her kids when they are with your husband. What does your husband say about all this?
2006-09-09 02:27:17 · answer #8 · answered by Venus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all mothers and step mothers are like this, I am close friends with both my ex husband and his wife. As the mother of a step child, I could only think of the twinge of jealousy and fear of being "upstaged" by the other woman, it's the "I'm Mom, and you're not" type thing. Your situation also sounds like she's jealous of you having a life with a man who was once hers. It's the old toy scenereo, like a child who's bored with an old toy and leaves it neglected in the toybox until another child comes to play and wants to play with it. "That's MY toy don't touch it"
Good luck on this it sounds like a very difficult situation.
2006-09-09 02:22:12 · answer #9 · answered by the_mystical_runt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the deal. You've got the toughest job in the world. Sounds from here as though you are doing your dead level best. That's the good news.
The bad news is that we teach people how to treat us. My guess is that she takes your kindness and willingness to help as weakness and lack of firmness and sees you as someone she can mistreat and bully. What to do? That's the rub. Call her on EVERY transgression and define transgression as using the kids to "get" you and your husband, and all those things she does to irritate you. Be FIRM, gentle, but unrelenting. Good luck.
2006-09-09 09:25:28 · answer #10 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋