Any Jokes Today?

Question

i wanna hear some good jokes,i especially like blonde jokes

Answer 1

there was a man that wanted a gift for his wife while he was away. he went to the sex toy shop. He asked the guy at the counter if there was anything good. The clerk said, "ok, I have this voodoo dick" "Voodoo dick?" the clerk took it out and it looked like an ordinary dildo. he said "Voodoo dick, the door" it started screwing the key hole. "Voodoo dick, the box" and it went back in its box. he got it and gave it to his wife. She said "Voodoo dick, my p*ssy" and it stated screwing her. she tried taking it out, but her husband forgot to tell her how to put it back. She was driving to the hospital and a cop pulled her over. He asked "Why are you shaking?" she said "I have a Voodoo dick in me!" the cop said "VOODOO DICK MY @$$!"

Answer 2

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

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if a smart blonde and santa cluas both jump off a bridge...who makes the bigger splash?









neither because they both dont exist.

Answer 3

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”


Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

Answer 4

a blonde went to the zoo and put her head in lions cage, when the manager saw her he started screaming: " PLZZZ get ur head out of there i dnt need any trouble PLZZZ".. she replied: "ok ok i aint gonna eat it"!!



Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.



Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.


Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"



Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an "F" in sex



A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"



A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says,
1. "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"

Answer 5

Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Answer 6

here is one blondie how about u need to learn to read there are tons of jokes on line... ok here is one that I have gotten for the Dumb Schitts out there...... Who is Jack ****! The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says; "you don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and deeply relious couple produce six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and twins Deep Schitt, and Dip Schitt. Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids wereliving with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fula Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. the wedding annoucement in the newspaper announced. The Schitt-Happens wedding. the Schitt- Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodical son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can say not only do I know Jack Schitt!! I know the whole bloody family......from one blondie to another

Answer 7

Blonde Driving

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

Answer 8

Sorry I haven't got a blonde joke but I have a man joke.
What do you call a man with half a brain ?
A GENIUS.

Answer 9

a blonde goes to store to purchase a mirror

what is the gurantee of the mirror she asks

the salesman replies if u throw this mirror from the 100th floor nothing happens to it till the 99th floor

"pack it" she said

Answer 10

once a blond, a brunette, and a red head was walking down a road, when a dead bird fell in front of them. the brunette said "Look a dead bird!" the red head said "Poor thing..." and the blond looked up and said "Where?Where?"