My boyfriend is Catholic and I'm Church of Christ, we want to get married and I don't know what to do.

Question

My boyfriend thinks that things will work themselves out and we shouldn't talk about it, However, i feel we need to talk about it now. He is deeply rooted, but not a "practicing Catholic" at present. I, in contrast, attend Church of Christ every Sunday with my parents. I feel that a child should be brought up in a church-going household and that we need to talk about this soon. I am firm in my beliefs and disagree with a lot of the Catholic beliefs, and he really likes the Catholic church. What am I to do, Are we destined to fail?, Should pack up and hit the road now? I don't want to do that andn I don't see thata as an option. Is there anyone out there who can give me a little insight or a direction to go?

Answer 1

Very simple. It's a dilemma that actually will turn out to be quite beneficial to the both of you in many different ways especially in the spiritual sense. First ask yourself this question. To what should I owe my greatest loyalty, to Jesus Christ or to my church? afterward your boyfriend should ask himself that same question. ..greatest loyalty church or Jesus Christ? Naturally if both of you answer that your loyalty first should be to God and Jesus Christ then the superficial differences will diminish. Despite some of the differences between good Christian churches the core beliefs surrounding the teaching's and applications of Jesus Christ are the same. And that's the important thing .Base youselves on the actual Bible to derive the
doctrines which are right. It's acceptable not to agree 100% with one's church, I beleive. don't you think.?

Answer 2

I have not personally had to deal with it, but some friends have. They took the kids to both churches, and thought that when the kids got old enough to choose, they could. Their situation is a little different, one of them is Baptist. Baptist believe that the person chooses to be Baptized into the church. I know Catholics Christen babies into the church, do Church of Christ Christen or Baptize?
I also know someone who is in a Jewish/ Christian marriage. Same thing, they do both sets of holidays and will let the kids choose later.
I think this lays a big burden on the kid later, who's religion do you choose? Mom's. or Dad's? It could cause a big family rift later in life.
I hope boyfriend will reconsider, and talk about it. Since he is not practicing, maybe he does not care that children are not raised as Catholic. Don't hit the road, yet, try to talk to him. You are not destined to fail, yet. If it were me, I would be more concerned that he won't talk about it.
If you need clues as to what he might be feeling, check his parents beliefs, are they practicing, every Sunday go to church types, are they holiday Catholics, or do they not practice either?
You might take this opportunity to tell him that the Bride chooses the church for the wedding ceremony,( or be subtle, and talk about how you will be decorating the alter at your church) and see what he says. If it is something like, "no problem, or I knew that," maybe the situation isn't so bad after all. And ask if his parents will come. Another clue as to what the future might bring.
Good luck.

Answer 3

The questions only get harder once you get married, let your boyfriend know their is no way he can avoid this topic if he ever intends to marry you in a Catholic Church.

First of all to be married in a Catholic Church you will have to attend a marriage prepartion course. Part of these courses are designed to make sure engaged couples have talked about issues such as religion, children & family, goals, finances etc before they get married. When my wife and I attended 2 of the 20 couples attending decided to breakup or atleast postpone their marriage because they really had such drastically different views on many of these areas and they had never previously discussed these issues.

Secondly to be married in the Catholic Church you must promise to be open to children and to raise those children Catholic.

So this is not something he can avoid forever anyway so it would be better to start the discussion now. Also know that if he is not able to discuss this issue now he probably is not even close to being ready for marriage.

I would also encourage you to understand more about his faith, you probably chose your religion because of your parents as did most of us but have you ever considered why other religions don't believe the same as the Church of Christ and that maybe they have good reasons for not believing that way. Here is a link which discusses areas of difference with many other faiths from a Catholic perspective. http://www.catholic.com/library/noncatholic_groups.asp

I didn't see a Church of Christ article but there were several articles on Mormoms which could be helpful.

Answer 4

I think one of the downfalls of western civilian is that there is so much diversity and very little compromise. This means for couples, and I see it all the time, the do not stay together often for trivial reasons. If we must wait for every dot and tittle to be right it is very possible we will die without a mate.

My advice is to be tolerant of each others faith. If a Catholic can't get along with someone from the Church of Christ you might as well give it up now or simply marry someone who you possibly do not connect as well with but whom shares your exact same faith.

This latter choice would be a sad one in my opinion. You both have choices to make. Hopefully you will chose love over legalism. Didn't Jesus say something to the effect that the letter of the law brings death but the spirit life? There are more meanings to that saying than many "Spiritual Teachers" would have you believe.

Just love each other and do not quibble about the same stuff. Have faith that God is with you both and things will work out in the end.

Answer 5

YES!!!! You need to talk about this now!!! You are talking about two very different ways of living life. I was raised by a family that are still firmly in the Catholic Church and I left the system when I was 18 because I did not agree with many of the Catholic beliefs. The ones that came from man not God. I do believe that the Bible is our Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. It is not a good idea to put off discussing any subject that relates to how you intend to live your life and someday raise your children. Two people with separate faiths can be successfully married but it may be more pleasant if you are strongly bound together in one faith. If you have to choose......choose God. If this door in your life closes another will open.

Answer 6

Wow, this is really tough. I wish i had some kind of good advice for you. I don't agree with the Catholic beliefs either. One thing you both should talk about is what if you have kids? What church will they be brought up in? Keep praying about your situation, and God will help you out. He has never led anyone down the wrong path. I just said a prayer for you...I really hope it all works out for you guys. Don't give up your faith and your beliefs..stay strong in the Lord and He will get you through this.

Answer 7

No you aren't destined to fail. The main thing is to have respect for each others beliefs and to compromise. It might be more important for you that your children attend your church while for him it might be that they attend a mass for Christmas and Easter and just know the basics of Catholicism. My husband was raised Catholic and although he no longer practices Catholicism he is a Christian, I am an atheist. We have never fought or even argued over religion. We take what is more important for each of us and compromise with each other.

Answer 8

Hi;
Catholicism and the "Mormon" faiths are both "monotheistic". The main gist of both of your beliefs is centered on Jesus Christ and God. This should be all you need to pay attention to. You are making this a "his" or "mine" situation when it doesn't actually NEED to be so.
I am an English teacher in an elementary school in South Korea, which bows to American pressure and promotes American English. In my classroom, rather than make it either true "British" English or the American variety, I teach both, with ample time and attention to explain BOTH are acceptable. I teach that "NEITHER IS RIGHT OR WRONG". If you do marry and have children why isn't it possible to teach the child both ways of adhering to Jesus' teachings and God's laws? Again, it does not need to be an "I'm right" and "He's wrong" situation. A person addressing monotheistic beliefs in such a way is merely "splitting hairs" over human interpretations of The Holy Scriptures and ignoring one of Jesus' maxim's of being forgiving, loving and understanding.
All too often the myriad of "Christian faiths" contest and war with each other when Jesus taught to love your enemy and try to understand and learn to live with him.
In the end....it's up to you.....

Answer 9

There are many things you must consider before getting married! Among these are the reaction of his and your family, how the children will be raised, and will this relationship hinder you from worshiping God as you see the Bible teaches?

Sometimes there seems to be few problems until there are children and one spouse wants them to be raised , in this case, a Catholic, but then the other wants them raised in the church of Christ. You have said you believe the Catholics are wrong in many areas. How will you feel when your husband insists they are brought up and taught as Catholics?

This issue needs to be resolved BEFORE you get married!!!!

I STRONGLY SUGGEST pre-marital counseling. The preacher or one of the elders at your congregation may be able to recommend someone.

Yes sometimes people of different religions are married and have a long lasting relationship, BUT you are going against the odds and adding an extra level of difficulty from the beginning!

If your boyfriend is not willing to resolve this ahead of time, then will he be willing to resolve other problems as they arise???!! Problems very rarely solve themselves.

Set up a Bible study between your preacher or elders and your boyfriend. Tell your boyfriend that it is important to you that he learn about the church and your beliefs. These beliefs are part of who you are, and to learn about them is to learn about you.

Don't make the emphasis about trying to convert him (at least not overnight), but about his understanding of where you are coming from. If he is not willing to do this, I have to wonder how committed he is to your relationship!

Again solve these questions BEFORE you get married!

I am praying for you!

Answer 10

You MUST talk about it before you commit to forever. If it's hard now imagine what it'll be like when you need to be teaching your kids. When it comes to something as important as your faith you can't contradict each other with kids involved (someday). You will fight about everything from what church you will be married in to how to raise the kids to where to attend together (which you ought to do), to where to give your money.... You absolutely have to figure these things out now. Also, try looking into the differences between your faiths. There may be more similarities than you realize. Good luck!