Growing up, I had a mother and a grandmother that taught me things such as respect, etiquitte and being polite. Now that I'm in college, acting like a gentleman has crippled me more than helped me in the relationship game. I have had strong relationships in the past, but my luck in the past two years hasn't been all that stellar.
My fraternity brothers tell me just to not care and act out, but whenever I've tried it, I always get the feeling in my stomach that what I'm doing is wrong and will hurt me more than help. I'm a social guy, a little bit (but just enough) of a flirt, but I'm as far from a jerk as I can be. Is there anything anyone can fill me in on that would give the "nice guy" the edge, or simply telling me where I'm goofing up? Thanks in advance everybody!
2006-09-08 16:07:55 · 15 answers · asked by graffiti62 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Find the right woman to date and you won't need an edge. The problem is that you're trying to settle for someone who isn't the one.
2006-09-08 20:25:44 · answer #1 · answered by sparkleandme4yrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the first thing you should do is stop listening to what other people say and do what you think is right.
Secondly, you should be patient.
Let's face it, not everyone in college is mature. Not everyone is thinking about romantic partners in a rational manner. Not everyone is looking for someone they can trust, someone who is reliable and someone who will keep their best interests at heart. a lot of people are just getting drunk and sleeping with whoever catches their fancy.
If you don't shine in such an environment--well, that's a *good* thing. And if you want to meet girls that will value your qualities, stop trying to meet them in that sort of environment. Study group, clubs and so on would probably give more opportunities for the real one-on-one communication you need.
but whatever you do, don't put on an act that doesnt feel right to you. it won't feel right to anyone else either. i have never heard anyone say "i wish i had pretended to be something i wasnt more often." but i have heard the opposite.
2006-09-08 23:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by homersdohnut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, it's not a game!
Maybe that's your problem.
Seriously. If you want the kind of girl who's attracted to the kind of guy that your frat brothers want you to be, then act like they want you to act. I suspect that you want a girl who wants to be treated well. Then treat girls well. If a girl doesn't appreciate it, she's not the kind of person you'd want to end up with.
Just think: what if you attract a girl with the fake personality you put on just to impress girls. Wouldn't you get tired of not being yourself? What if the relationship progressed to be something serious? At what point would you stop lying to her?
You've had strong relationships in the past, so that's evidence that you can do it again. Just be patient and the right person will come along.
2006-09-09 01:52:36 · answer #3 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Graffiti, don't listen to people who show such a disrespect for the fine upbringing you have had. You need to really sit yourself down and ask a few questions. What kind of person do you want to be? You already have experienced that acting like a jerk makes you upset. Of course it does; the people in your life who brought you up to be a good man taught you right and you have a mature conscience.
There will be a day when all the wise instruction you have received in how to behave like a gentleman will fall into place and prove itself true; don't let fools dissuade you from the right course of action.
2006-09-08 23:11:47 · answer #4 · answered by Esther 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't listen to your frat brothers. It's not your style. I think if you just try to "pick up" a girl it won't work. Real relationships are better anyway. The best ways to find a real relationship are through your friends and through common interests. You need to get to know a girl and ask her out, so try joining a club or something on campus that will help you meet people.
A nice guy doesn't HAVE to play the game,
2006-09-08 23:12:48 · answer #5 · answered by mollyneville 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never do what others tell you to do, only do what you feel is right, dont do anything you arent comfortable with, I'm a nice guy and I know its harder for us to pick up girls but the ones I do pick up are the type of girls I like to have a long relationship rather than just for the night
2006-09-08 23:16:58 · answer #6 · answered by Holla 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay the way you are..most girls in college want to have fun not relationships but when those girls grow up and become women they will wish they had a man like you....do not compromise what you were taught for a girl just hold out for that one woman who will appreciate you for who you are
2006-09-08 23:14:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It hurts me to say this but sometimes you have to be a jerk. As much as girls say they want a nice guy, it's always funny to seem them go home with jerks every day in and out.
The key is once you got the girls interest by acting a little "jerkish" be Mr. nice guy. That usually keeps the girls
2006-09-10 21:42:19 · answer #8 · answered by Tino 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could turn into a player, but then you wouldn't be a nice guy. Be who you are, do you really want to be with a girl who would respond to disrespect? or might appear on GGW? You are not goofing up. You are far above your friends, stay there you'll feel better.
2006-09-08 23:16:40 · answer #9 · answered by knujefp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep being nice and you'll draw a nice girl. Act like a dog and you'll get a dog.
You already blew it by calling this thing called life a "game"
Thats stinkin thinkin.
Hooray for Mom and Grandma!!!!
2006-09-08 23:21:25 · answer #10 · answered by twoBITrox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋