a moms influence,lack of??please answer...at least for the points?

Question

grandma died when i was nine.we were close. so i sat in front of my dad who i lived with-and my mom who i never knew (on account of custody my G-ma had)

i picked my dad.the only females to raise me were the dozens of girlfriends.and all the teenage girls ive known.So im 18 now and the question is???>>>> should i look for my mother?

i feel that i turned out well.i wont talk about myself too much,but nowadays being single and in a new town i feel lonely and incomplete.ladies please tell me if ill be ok.--guys dont joke with me,i dont take it lightly.

Answer 1

If you feel like you need to find her then go and find her. If you feel as if you are complete in not knowing her, then just leave it alone.

Answer 2

I think that maybe you should look for your mom. I don't know what originally separated you from your parents, but I'm sure you have alot of bad or at least sad feelings towards your mother. Sit down and write a letter to her. That way, if you do find her, you can just hand her the letter if you cannot bring yourself to verbally tell her your feelings. Also, writing the letter will help you if you do not find her or if she has passed away. If this is the case, write her a letter, then burn it. You will get out all of your feelings towards her and burning the letter will be like sending it to her so you do not have it there to read over and over again. If you do look for your mom and find her, give her a chance to apologize for whatever separated you to begin with. Some people can change; it's worth the chance. Just remember if she does not want to see you, or if she is not the kind of person you want to be around, it is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. When a parent is bad or does not want to see a child, it is the parent's fault.

To deal with your loneliness being in a new place, join some kind of local sports or adult education programs. You can usually find them through a YMCA or local college. Volunteer someplace. These things will make you feel good about yourself, they will enrich your life, and it will allow you to make friends with other people who have the same interests as you.

You will be ok, if you make up your mind that you will be. Alot of us have been through issues with one or both parents. Many people don't turn out real good. You sound like you will do well for yourself if you just try real hard to surround yourself with good people that your grandma would have liked.

You obviously have alot of love for your grandma, and I think she would be proud of you no matter what. When you feel incomplete, just think of your grandma, she will always be with you everywhere you go.

Answer 3

I have been through the same thing only it was with my father. Let me tell u yes u will be ok, because u r a wonderful man. I know that i do not personally know u, but u sound like u have a good heart. For me I did decide to look for my father and when I found him and had so called reunion it was the worst day of my life. Now I am not saying that your reunion would be bad, but the reason I did it was because I always felt like I was missing something. When I met him, I still felt empty and to this I still feel empty. I say go for it, if u want to try and locate her do it. Just do not expect too much from her.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Kevin First let me say, God Bless your Grandma, it sounds like she did a wonderful job! As far as looking for your mother, that would depend on a few things, First, do you really "need" her? I mean she walked away from you, as a mother, that is one thing I find inexcusable. There is NOTHING in this world, and I do mean that literally NOTHING that would EVER make me turn away from my son. My father died when I was young and although I miss him desperatly (as I'm sure you miss you're grandma) you can NEVER replace her. If you are looking for your mother to replace that void since your grandmothers passing, You WON'T find it. In fact YOU may be the one that gets hurt in the end by a NON caring, insensitive, poor excuse for a mother. I know you feel lonely, if for nothing else, for the love your grandma gave you. But I think you should just feel blessed you were loved, go on with your life, and FORGET your mother, let her come to you! You sound like you have a good start, if you are hurting for your loss, you may want to look into grief counseling, but I think You'll be just fine! Good Luck to you....

Answer 5

Kevin,

You may be disappointed .... only you can make the decision if you should look for her or not. If your looking to complete you as a person ... thats you job know...find a lady (not a 20 or 30's) someone that makes you laugh, perhaps has kids ... just be a friend ...see if she can answer some of your questions ... or perhaps a female family member ..... Try to get alittle female input ... it may help .... trying to find a mother .... becareful what you wish for ..... I have heard horror stories and real life heart breakers ... get right in your head with it before you act on the impulse.
Find peace in your head brother .... Good luck

Answer 6

Don't feel incomplete about yourself cause you sound like you have your head on straight. Do you really feel the need to find your mom? If you do then follow your heart maybe you could teach her a few things. get out and make some friends to help your time go by and in the mean time use your computer to try and find your mom. I wish you all the best of luck.

Answer 7

Not the sort of thing anyone can decide for you. Best advice, follow your heart. Trust your instincts. Would finding your mom bring positive or negative feelings for you? Would you want to build a relationship or cause her pain because of the custody issues? Once you determine your real motives , you will discover the answer. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

Hey Bro sorry about the tough time but you should also be able to take some go natured ribbing. Look for your mother by all means. Just dont have any high expectations from her. She is probably not capable of giving the love you seek

Answer 9

I won't joke with you man....heres some tips though. If you want to find your mom .go for it .but remember.... be careful of what you wish for.......
was dads mom your g-ma ? Hey, she was there for you to give you the female influence ,I hope...
where are your mom's family located......?
learn about her through those who know her first then .take that step........
its all good man, maybe your mom loved you enough to let you go..who knows?

but remember to be strong and prepared for what you'll find.....
Has your g-ma ever told you anything about your mom? does she know you are looking for your bio-mom?
The truth is , you are an adult, find out what you need to know and I wish you all the luck in the world..
This is a big step ..you will need to be strong...

Answer 10

You sound like you did not turn out bad. I think you will be fine. You should try to meet people. Smile, be social :) And I would go ahead and look for my mom. Even if things do not work out you can feel more closure. Good luck! Email me if you need someone to talk to!