How do you politely get your in-laws to butt out when it comes to parenting your child?

Question

Here's the situation. My husband and I are very close to his grandmother. She lives alone, and we visit her often. The problem is she is kind of paranoid when it comes to our daughter. It's annoying to have answer the same old questions over and over.."When will her teeth come in?" (My baby is 7 months. She has been asking us since she was 4 months old) Is she sick? (After my daughter sneezes once at her house. His grandmother smokes in her garage which may be the problem, but I don't want to be rude and bring this up.) And, countless other things. Sometimes it seems like she is putting down are parenting skills.

How do I tell her to butt out in a nice way. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to blow up on her, and I don't want that to happen.

Answer 1

It really is your husbands job to do that. He needs to tell his mother where the line is, it shouldn't be your responsibility!

Answer 2

First of all she lives alone, and you hubby is very close to her. I know its hard but do try to politely ignore her well meaning questions.

****If you just sneezed, something was probably irritating or tickling the inside of your nose. Sneezing, also called sternutation, is your body's way of removing an irritation from your nose.

When the inside of your nose gets a tickle, a message is sent to a special part of your brain called the sneeze center. The sneeze center then sends a message to all the muscles that have to work together to create the amazingly complicated process that we call the sneeze.

Some of the muscles involved are the abdominal (belly) muscles, the chest muscles, the diaphragm (the large muscle beneath your lungs that makes you breathe), the muscles that control your vocal cords, and muscles in the back of your throat. Don't forget the eyelid muscles! Did you know that you always close your eyes when you sneeze?

Most anything that can irritate the inside of your nose can start a sneeze. Some common things include dust, cold air, or pepper. When you catch a cold in your nose, a virus has made a temporary home there and is causing lots of swelling and irritation. Some people have allergies, and they sneeze when they are exposed to certain things, such as animal dander (which comes from the skin of many common pets) or pollen (which comes from some plants).

Do you know anyone who sneezes when they step outside into the sunshine? About one out of every three people sneezes when exposed to bright light. They are called photic sneezers (photic means light). If you are a photic sneezer, you got it from one of your parents because it is an inherited trait. You could say that it runs in your family. Most people have some sensitivity to light that can trigger a sneeze.

Have you ever had the feeling that you are about to sneeze, but it just gets stuck? Next time that happens, try looking toward a bright light briefly (but don't look right into the sun) - see if that doesn't unstick a stuck sneeze!

Reviewed by: John Gould, MD
Date reviewed: January 2006
Originally reviewed by: Lisa Zaoutis, MD
http://kidshealth.org/kid/talk/qa/sneeze.html

So heres something to put your mind at ease, and maybe grandma's. Theres nothing to worry about unless your kids is running a fever. And as far as the question of when she's gonna starts cutting teeth, she assure her that the baby's Peditricain says she is progresses just as she should.
I take it she is an older woman, maybe sometimes you can include her in the baby's well child ceck ups and then maybe put her mind at ease, at least for YOUR SAKE.
So as long as she isnt making calls to the police that you arent being a good enough parent, these tips ought to work. HOwever if she is, then its time to set grandma down and have a few words.
Be calm and lovingly tell her that you and your hubby love her and want to keep a relationship with her as well for your daughter, but explain that calls like this can alienate all of you from her company. Be firm, but calm. That should get it across.

Answer 3

Just say "No offence grandma, but sometimes your comments make me feel like you don't trust that we are doing a good job raising her. Being a parent means constantly learning, and every child is different. We are doing the best that we can, and I think we are doing a good job." Chances are that she will back pedal, and say oh I know, I am just.......blah blah blah, but that is where you just have to relise where it is coming from and try to let it roll off your back. Elderly people seem to have alot of "input" as they have "been there, done that" and usually don't relise that they are being offensive. Its from the era they grew up, and probably won't change too much. You could also try a few witty sarcastic comments when she offends you like when she askes about the teeth say "Ahh, she doesn't need them anyway, if they don't come, well just get dentures, cheaper in the long run and she won't need dental appointments!" Good luck, and learn to TUNE OUT

Answer 4

Is Granny at an age the position she'll ask repeated inquiries to everyone on any topic or is it in basic terms your baby? i imagine it truly is worrying of her to go away her own residence to smoke to homestead her granddaughter being there. That takes alot of heart and if I were you, relish her for it. She is to previous to be replacing her techniques and curiously that she's making the attempt and her interest about the teeth and sneezing is her expressing her care and complication for her granddaughter that she loves. She would not opt to bypass over a second. do not choose her wrongly. if you're an really worrying human being your self, you could finally end up an similar way at the same time as your her age and your daughter ought to nicely be writing yahoo asking suggestion the thanks to inform you to again off. ( i recognize it sounds humorous even though it truly is real!) do not lose your cool, you'll do precisely positive. in basic terms carry in there and luxuriate in that you've someone there who cares too.

Answer 5

I think it's up to you and your husband to set grandma straight. You don't have to be nasty about it, but just let her know that you're in control of your daughter and she doesn't need to be so worried about her. I know it's a difficult situation - many grandmother's can be overpowering since they've been parenting for so long - I guess it comes naturally. But just let her know that, while her suggestions may be taken into consideration, you and your husband are the captains of the ship.

Answer 6

Hmm, " As well intended you maybe about our daugther she is fine and you will be the first to know when her first tooth has come in and if she is sick. and I agree it is really your husband's place to say something first, you should discuss how you feel and if he does not want to help you out than don't be afraid to speak your mind.


One can only be polite for so long....but remember there will consequences to your actions.

Answer 7

"She's very happy and healthy, thank you. Our family doc/ped says that we're doing a great job with her and that she's just perfect!" (Validation of what you're doing by a professional is often enough to shut people up.)

If she keeps bringing it up, use the "pass the bean dip" approach and change the subject.

Answer 8

GOOD LUCK, I told my dads Girlfriend, how we call Grandma to our son, that Though I respect her opinion Connor is my son and I will punish and thing like that the way i see fit. to make a long story short, i haven't talked to her in 2 months. hopefully you do better then i did.

Answer 9

I would say just talk to her, most women I find are upfront people they want to be told directly if her feelings are hurt she will get over it to see that little baby :)

Answer 10

GirrrrrrLLL, Just tell her "these are my babies, you squz out your own. 43 yrs ago. Mind your own business! Then punch her in the eye! It worked for me!