more to do with him. Once a year it seems since I turned 18 (when he first came back into my life) we do this funny little dance. He emails me or calls me or sends me a letter. (He's in cali, i'm in Virginia) It starts out nice and calm. Hi, how are you, how are things, you know that sort of thing. Then he starts bad mouthing my mom, or talking about how I dont appriciate him, something stupid like that, and then we get into a big ol argument, and then he wont talk to me for another year. This time, I dont know what I should do, should I set the ground rules that were not going to discuss my mother, and that i'm a grown woman with a husband/family of my own now, or should I just not have anything to do with him. Part of me says yes, talk to him, find out how he is, maybe I will be able to have a normal relationship with my father this time, but the other part of me says forget it. What would you all do??????
2006-09-08 12:43:10 · 8 answers · asked by addybme 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If it's the same dance honey, why not this time, you pick the song. I'm afraid you are going to have to set some ground rules for dad if he wants to remain a part of your life. From the sounds of it, he does and although he has some unresolved issues, the guilt he feels for venting on you has him reaching out over and over. This time try to keep that connection. I hate to say this, but lines of communication work both ways. And even though he probably owes you, it is going to take the two of you to make this relationship work.
2006-09-08 12:48:20 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most importantly, make sure that you don't have this type of relationship with your children and the same for your husband. I would be nice and set the ground rules when he starts the usual griping. Set the ground rules are you state here.
2006-09-08 12:50:34 · answer #2 · answered by The Big Shot 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This sounds all too familiar with what has gone on between my almost 19yr old son and his father..My son has gotten so sick of what his father stands for and what kind of person that he his that he says that this time he is wating til he has figured out exactly how he wants to tell his father that he doesn't want him to have no contact with him or any member of HIS (my son) family (my side), because my son feels that he has no right to anymore after no contact for so many years..Good luck with what you decide to do..My advice would be to search within yourself to see if you (and your own little family) can take another round with your father with hopes that this time things will go the way you want them too..God bless...
2006-09-08 13:13:24 · answer #3 · answered by Brenda 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your dad's issues are his issues. Be the adult. Set the ground rules. Make the initiative to contact him. He probably just feels like he doesn't have the right to be apart of your life and he doesn't know how to be apart of it. But don't cut him off completely. The relationship between you and him just needs time to heal. He'll learn that it can't be just about him.
2006-09-08 12:49:21 · answer #4 · answered by Kingdom_Queen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-30 11:56:29 · answer #5 · answered by bungay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm not sure how your going to take this but with my exerience with my dad any arguement is a reason to ditch him after all the pain he has caused. as a matter of fact i have gone to court against him for the way he has treated me. even a age 15 i have learned that hardly anyone can be trusted (and some times even myself) your dad probly has a reason for being nice to you in the first place, wether it be emotional or other, ive learned it to be true.
2006-09-08 13:12:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
UGH, I don't know, he sounds really emotionally immature. I guess you could try nipping any "badmouthing" in the bud by not responding to it, but it's probably very hard. I think I would keep my distance and not engage with him that much.
2006-09-08 12:46:35 · answer #7 · answered by codex 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him you feel
2006-09-08 12:47:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋