force homeschool?

Question

Would you ever force your child to homeschool if they were really unhappy? Would you ever force your child in PS if they were really unhappy? What's your take on this? I belive in letting children have a say in their schooling options, and us being parents explain to them exactly what school is without putting our experiences or opinions into it. I also think it is very selfish for a parent to homeschool just for their wants. Anyone agree?

Answer 1

Children who are homeschooled MAY be getting a proper education but those children do not EASILY learn many social skills required later in life. Eventually we all have to deal with bullies, obnoxious superiors, and myrid personalities within a group. Learning to function in and solve problems as a group are very important lessons that simply cannot be taught at home.
As far as children having a say, children do not know what is in their best interest, they only know what they want. It's the parents responsibility to act in the child's best interest. If a parent is willing to take the measures to homeschool their child simply because they are "unhappy at school" good for them but that child should first be seen by a mental health professional to find out what's going on. It could be that the child or their home is the source of their own unhappiness.
Life isn't always about what makes us happy, sometimes we just gotta tough it out.


Let's clarify a little,
First, homeshooling is a commitment that that parent must make to ensure the curriculum and agenda is adhered to and many parents are not able or willing to make that committment.
Second, not once did I state that homeschoolers NEVER learn social skills, only that there is some difficulty. Children mature on 4 different levels : physically, emotionally, mentally,and socially. Only physical growth requires no learning, the other 3 require experience. Anyone who flatly states that the average homeshooler has the same social skills as the same aged public (or privately) schooled child, is mistaken. Do not mistake me to say those skills are not later acquired. I will add that most homeschool parents (white, christian, middle class, women) tend to be out of touch with social reality outside of their own social circle and often overeducate their children as a means of compensating for their own inadequacies.
Bottom line, it is the parent's choice to make the commitment to homeschooling, not the child's.
D.L. you took total exception with my first paragraph and ignored the point of the second. I stand firmly behind my statements despite your disapproval.. Since you are using "playground rules" (don't speak unless everyne else agrees with you) there is no need to send me another e-mail, just pick another answer as best.
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Answer 2

Home schooling is not a selfish act. The home-schooling parents that I know are very caring, giving, and wonderful people.

All choices must be based on something solid and reliable. Experience and opinion is the root of all decisions. Leaving the choice up to a child is silly and counterproductive.

Yes, a child should be given the opportunity to make choices -- such as what color clothing to wear. But if you live in a hot climate and the child is unhappy in light-weight clothing do you say, "That's fine honey-bunches you can wear polar-fleece today if that's what you want!!!" ? Not. And what about food choices? Or if your child is unhappy eating healthy food do you say, "That's okay darlin'-doodles you can eat chocolate and marshmallows for every meal!!!"

Of course I am OVER exaggerating the point --- but do you get it?

God created parents to be in charge of training up a child in the way he should go. If a parent chooses to homeschool a child it is the right thing to do!

Homeschooling is not about my "wants". It is all for my students. Homeschooling fills their need to learn, to grow in knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. It gives them the opportunity to do more things than they could do in a group setting. It saves academic time from distraction. And it affords the time for many group activities outside of "school". The extra-curricular options are endless.

Think about Finny the fish --- he *decides* that he doesn't want to swim in the trout school. He would rather go swim with the salmon. Hmmmm..... Mommy Finnessa the fish says, "No, you must stay in the family trout homeschool because the salmon will eat you!". Can you say that Finnessa the homeschooling trout mommy is being selfish?

Answer 3

It's very easy to get caught up in homeschooling for yourself instead of for your children, just as it is easy to get caught up in public education and all the different activities that come with that atmosphere for yourself instead of for your children. I don't think this is exclusive to education. I've seen it on Little League fields, youth football fields, in karate tournaments, in band competitions, at dance recitals,....anywhere you have children participating, you are going to find parents that are making their children partiipate because "they never had the opportunity" or they excelled,and "it's only natural that my child should do well" or so on and so forth.
you say it is selfish for a parent to homeschool just for their wants, and I agree. But what you must take in to account is, does the child really know what they want, or would a change of venue really be the key. Some kiddos will be sullen, disrespectful, bored, unhappy, no matter where they are. I've know HS parents that put their child in PS because that's "what they wanted and they were miserable at home..." All, 100% came back home and have been happy little clams ever since. Sometime you may think you have a "truly unhappy" child when all you really have is a child with a bad case of "the grass is obviously greener over there."
It is also very easy (for all of us) to sit on the outside and judge what you are seeing without really understanding what's going on. Is that parent really pushing for their own recognition or to make themselves look smart, or are they really doing their best with a bratty child. Man, it happens. Happens all the time, doesn't matter where you are.

PS if i read your question correctly, and I believe I did, how did this turn in to a socialization issue again. good grief! When will people understand that just because they did it a certain way doesn't mean that's the only way to go. Rasing a family does not make you an expert on other people's families. Just an expert on your family and your circumstances.
I KNOW homeschooling is not for everyone, but that does not mean that those that choose that route have a harder time adjusting to society.
there are successes and failures in all realms of education. There are kids in public schools that can't carry on a conversation with adults, can't adjust to the work a day world and can't even write a simple sentence, just like there are the same type in homeschool situations and private school situations. There are kids left behind EVERYWHERE, not just in homeschool situation. homescooling does not increase that factor, it, in my experience lessens it. When will people turn the light on and look around? There are millions of homeschoolers in the US, you would be amazed. We know how to function in society.

Answer 4

It drives me absolutely crazy when people say that homeschoolers don't have social skills! I was homeschooled from Kindergarten all the way through high school, and I've NEVER had a problem socializing. I've got a large circle of friends, most of whom I've known for upwards of 3 years (I've known my best friend for 11 years). So PLEASE stop saying we can't socialize, because we can do it very well.
As far as the question goes, you shouldn't force your child to homeschool. Children should have a say in which they would prefer, but always make sure of their reasoning.
If your child is unhappy, find out why. Is he/she being bullied? Having trouble with a class? Having a problem with a teacher? These things can easily be resolved without forcing homeschooling. Something like simply hiring a tutor, or talking to a teacher or the principal could save you a lot of grief. As a homeschooler, I do highly recommend the education you can receive from it, I graduated highschool with honours, and I've been very successful in life. But never force your child to homeschool. Always give them the choice

Okay, I think I've tooted my own horn enough. I hope you can find some good advice in there somewhere between all my contradicting statements.

Answer 5

If I truly felt that it was in my child's best interests to do one form of schooling over another, yes, I would force the issue. I'm not one to allow my children to do something I don't think is good for them just because they'll be unhappy about it.

If you think it's selfish for a parent to homeschool because they want to, do you also think it's selfish for a sahm to force their kids to go to public school because the sahm doesn't want to have her kids with her all day?

Personally, I don't know a single homeschooling parent who homeschools just because they want to. I must have met, either in person or online, over 200 parents in the past 5 years. All have made the decision after careful consideration. Sometimes the kids have been happy with the decision; other times they haven't. Usually the ones who aren't initially happy with the decision get over it as they end up liking it much more than they had in school. But it's an unhappiness not based on an understanding of what homeschooling can be like, not an unhappiness with homeschooling itself.

I however do know many people who blindly put their kids in school without ever considering the possibility of homeschooling. I don't know a single parent who has sent their child to school in grade 1 and actually explained the difference between homeschooling and public schooling and had the child choose.

I also think that kids are kids and it's too much to expect a child under a certain age to make a rational decision as big as school. My children did not have the option in grade 1 to go to school or not. Their level of knowledge of the world and their general rational capabilities are not strong enough to give them information and expect them to make a rational decision. Might as well start asking them where they plan to go to college while you're at it.

And no, I don't think parents should remove their opinions and experiences. That would potentially do more harm than good. A parent will bring in experiences and opinions when it comes to parties, family schedules, family meals, whether their child can ride a motorcycle or not and a myriad of other things. A parent's job is to raise and guide their child with the knowledge the parent has, not to just allow a child to do as he sees fit.

Answer 6

I might force my child to homeschool if I was positive that it was the best thing for the child (however, if the child doesn't want to do it, it probably is not best). As far a forcing a child to go to public school, that would depend on my ability to homeschool my child. If I was a single mother working 2 jobs just to make ends meet, homeschooling might not be an option. But, if the option was there, I would rather homeschool than have my child be miserable in a public school.

Answer 7

I don't think that parents want to homeschool their kids because they are selfish, but they they are fed up with the public school system and all their perversion. They don't want their 8 year old to be taught to accept immoral lifestyles if they are religious. They want their kids to learn math and science rather than being lost in the mess of so many public schools.

What makes people think that just because I have a degree in teaching that I am totally qualified? Must you always go for the fancy papers? They don't always mean much.

Answer 8

We home educate and my children have a choice..they choose to home school. I think most home educators allow that choice but know that some do not. However, I think it is the public schooled children who are without a choice, even moreso than home schoolers.

Answer 9

i dont think i would force my child into anything that they didnt want im just not the type of person to say you will live by my iron fist and nothign else i fought with it all my life and i would never wish that on my kids