Just now, I found out that earlier today my sister Dorothy had a miscarriage. If you read my questions before, you know who she is. If not, let me sum it up (skip the next paragraph if you already know how she is):
She's a violent bipolar drug addict who is married to a drug addict, and because they're drug addicts and she had two kids with him, the kids (ages two and three) have autism. She didn't really take care of them at all. She has a year left to live. She left her husband + children for a violent guy she met in Detox (he works there) and had sex with him + got pregnant, and is engaged to him. She then left to California with him -- which is where she is now. She has stolen from + lied to people in the past, and was never really home for her children when she lived here in the apartment.
Now, for the actual question...
... was it ethical of me, when she told me, for me to have burst out laughing & say, "Good, the baby's in a better place and is safe now."?
2006-09-08 11:25:23 · 28 answers · asked by Lady Myrkr 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I wasn't laughing at the death of the baby, just at the irony of her karma, because when she went to California, her boyfriend stranded her there, and abandoned her. And then she had a miscarriage.
I'm sorry if my laughing makes me seem like a monster. It's just... 16 years of this crap, and it only gets worse. You need to learn to laugh at this stuff otherwise it'll kill you, too.
2006-09-08 11:32:13 · update #1
So then, with what people are saying...
... I shouldn't have been direct with her? I should have dodged it, and said, "Oh, that's sad" even though that's not what I was thinking at the time?
I should be gentle with HER when SHE caused two BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN to have AUTISM because of her drug habit that she's still in? When she always would tell me that I caused my mother's death? That I was the fault her life was wrong? All those times she beat the living **** out of me and had her friends beat me up... I should shrug that off, forgive her, and try to make her feel better?
2006-09-08 11:36:37 · update #2
It was ethical, but pretty darn rude (but I agree with you).
2006-09-08 11:31:32 · answer #1 · answered by Steven M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you and what you said
to the dope head. She has beaten
you up and had her friends beat
you up. Cruel monster!!!
Nobody realizes how horrible your
life has been because of her.
Her children are suffering the same
treatment besides going without
food and warmth and love.
Turn her butt in to the authorities
and get those kids away from her.
Then NEVER speak to her again!
She is garbage and you don't need
to be around a freak like that.
Let her go on down the drain
where she belongs. People
seem like they want to "make nice"
when there is so much horror
and terror in the world.
They mentally can't deal with it.
They don't have a clue about
the REAL world.
Do what you have to do
and God love you!!!
2006-09-08 22:38:56 · answer #2 · answered by NANCY K 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I won't be hypocritical by saying the miscarriage was a tragic thing that happened. Given the awful circumstances, the baby would indeed be better off in heaven than be brought up by irresponsible and unworthy parents. There is nothing unethical in believing in that.
Your sister may not deserve her kids. However, laughing out loud while saying what you said was uncompassionate. Given your history with her, you don't have to be gentle or even console her if you really don't want to. Just don't kick her when she's already down and out.
2006-09-08 18:37:39 · answer #3 · answered by TY 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think ethics was designed for dealing with one's sister. You know more about your relationship with her than anyone else ever will; if you think you were justified in laughing at her, I'll accept that.
I definitely agree that the baby is in a better place, and I don't even believe in an afterlife. If you want to talk about ethics, how about this question: is mandatory sterilization ethical for people who can't be bothered to sober up for 9 months?
Any of these people saying you're a "monster" for laughing about a miscarriage: they would be happier to see another child born with severe birth defects and into a horrible situation?
2006-09-08 19:06:53 · answer #4 · answered by abram.kelly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you shouldn't have laughed. Yes, she has done wrong by you, and she has seriously hurt her children, but she turned to you for support. I acn understnad that you don't want to give her any, especially with the way she has treated you.
Really, there is no rightw ay to handle this. TO go along with it and act sad for her would make you feel like lying, because, well, in the main, it is. But she also turned to you, so it would be rude to tell the truth as well. In future situations, just politely let her know that you don't want any further contact from her until she gets herself strightened out. It'll be hard, but until you do, you'll be opening yourself up for more abuse.
2006-09-08 21:44:56 · answer #5 · answered by aht12086 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say it was ethical, but I know that sometimes it is hard to refrain from comments that we perhaps should not make. In a sense, she deserved a reply like that, but at the same time...as a person...her feelings are important too. So I'd say that while I wouldn't blame you for making the comment, it was not an ethical thing to say. It just shows, though, that all of us can be sensitive at times and harsh at times. Who knows when either will overcome us?
2006-09-08 18:40:59 · answer #6 · answered by Guvo 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It probably wasn't the most tactful thing you could have said, but I understand why you said it. only you can decide if your sister deserves for you to be tactful at this time. I'm sort of glad to hear that the woman you described is not having another child to damage, although I'm sad to hear of a baby's death. The laughing sort of bothers me though.
2006-09-08 21:43:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's more an issue of tact and history you have with your sister as opposed to an ethical one. Since you seem remorseful about it, I don't think you should consider yourself a bad person(which I think is your larger concern). Just one of those painful situations in life where you are probably 100% right but your response might have been to harsh.
2006-09-08 18:37:30 · answer #8 · answered by Car guy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ethical? Probably not. Your sister has problems that she's not entirely responsible for, but that's no excuse to keep hurting other people with her actions. Don't beat yourself up for your reaction though. It was understandable, and you were just being honest about your feelings. It would have been hypocritical to pretend otherwise.
2006-09-08 18:53:18 · answer #9 · answered by cj_justme 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no....Im sure you're glad that the baby is in a better place, but maybe your sister feels a bit of guilt because she knows that her lifestyle hurt her baby. It's not unethical for you to feel this way, but perhaps a little bit harsh to actually say it directly to her.
2006-09-08 18:33:59 · answer #10 · answered by New Mommy! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi,
Sometimes in painful situations our emotions will control our tongues. This is dangerous, especially when the emotions being dealt with are pain and anger. Maybe you could check out the Book of James in the New Testament James 3: 8-9 " But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God;"
Just remember He (Jesus) died for all of us and His blood covered all of our sins, not just the ones that don't turn your stomach.
2006-09-08 19:09:55 · answer #11 · answered by tammib 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋