Please help what do I do about my son?

Question

I'm crying as I write this because I am at my wit's end.
here's the situation:
My son is 2.5
he is very aggressive
he pushes, bites and hits
I just had a friend over I just made the other day and after my son pushed her daughter a few types she said "I am going to have to leave if he keeps pushing her" and 10 minutes later she did.
He's been kicked out of 2 daycares for biting

this is some background info on how I've been raising him:
the first year I spoiled him, taught him no patience.
constantly entertained him and kept him satisfied with toys and snacks immediately.
I instilled no ability of patience or tolerance because I tended to his every need within 5 seconds.
Then when he developed this aggressive behavior towards others I would punish him by putting him in his room for 2 minutes- I stopped doing that because I thought maybe it is too harsh.
I know put him in time-out on a chair.
I yell at him about 1-2 a day (not screaming-that happens 1 every 3 days or so)

I started spanking on the back o fthe hand but he became more agressive so I stopeed after a few weeks.
My Mom says he is too sensitive and can't be bullied, because of his dimeaner and temperment the only way to deal with him is by letting things go and kindness.
The thing is I think I lose my temper a lot around him and although I don't hit him I yell at him and are rough with him, I squeeze his arms, I pinch him.
What should I do, I have no friends because of his behavior and frankly I hardly go anywhere for fear that he will be aggressive
Please don't tell me too beat him or that I shouldn't have done this or that, I am looking for solutions for now and the future.
Keep in mind I am also 9 months pregnant so my emotions may be running high, so I may be overreacting - I don't know really.

I've tried biting back, he only bit more. I only did it 3 times before I gave up

Answer 1

You should take away a toy of his everytime he does something wrong and only give it back to him once his behavior improves. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT spank or hit him. This might have something to do with his agressive behavior and how it might have devoloped. You need to stay calm at ALL TIMES. He is getting what he wants by making you angry. When you loose your temper you become weak and he gains the power. He will become more upset if you are calm and collected. It will bother him that you aren't loosing your temper and he will eventually learn that there is no point in his bad behavor. Don't be weak, if he acts out, put him in time out! Get a time out chair and when he is starting to get fresh you say "Do you want to go in the time out chair?" if he continues count "I will count to five you need to calm down before one, two, three, four...four and a half...5." Then tell him he needs to go to time out and take him to the chair tell him to stay there for 2 minutes. If he gets out keep taking him back and explain to him that he needs to stay there and he will have to stay longer if he continues with bad behavior follow through with what you say. But remember STAY CALM! I am a child specialist, I actually help parents with their children so use this advice and you will have guarenteed results. I hope your child stops his unacceptable behavior and you imrove you parenting skills with these directions. Good luck! Thank you.

Answer 2

Respond quickly. Try to respond immediately when you see your child getting aggressive. It's tempting to wait until he's hit his friend for the third time before saying, "That's enough!" (especially when you've already reprimanded him a dozen times in the last hour). Even so, it's best to let him know instantly when he's done something wrong. Remove him from the situation for a brief time-out — for a 2-year-old, even 15 minutes may be enough. The idea is for him to connect his behavior with the consequence and figure out that if he hits or bites, he'll miss out on the fun.

Teach him to apologize. Make sure your child understands that he needs to say he's sorry whenever he lashes out — even if you have to lead him by the hand to the offended party and say it for him. His apologies might seem insincere at first, but the lesson will eventually sink in.

Don't be afraid to seek help. Sometimes a child's aggression requires more intervention than a parent can provide. If your 2-year-old seems to behave aggressively more often than not, if he routinely frightens or upsets other children, or if your efforts to curb his behavior aren't working, talk to his pediatrician. Together you can root out the source of the behavior, help your child through it, and decide if a counselor or child psychologist is needed. Remember, your child is still very young. With careful guidance and plenty of patience, that playground pummeling will soon be a thing of the past.

Answer 3

Well reading your question I noticed a few things. First, your son pushed your friend's daughter more than once and your friend had to say something to you? At 2.5 timeout will make him mad, but its not going to stop his behavior. After a few minutes he's just mad because he's in the chair not thinking about why he's sitting there. He does not take you seriously, and yelling has no impact because it just shows him that he is in control. I know this is not politically correct but he needs to fear what will happen if he misbehaves. The next time he pushes or hits, pop his hand, leg, or butt. Make him look at you in the eyes and tell him do not do that with a stearn. If he hits back then you pop him again. Afterwards, put him in time out so he can calm down. Once he's calm go to him and ask him to apoligize, and say he will not do it again. If he won't do it then he's not ready to come out. At this point you need to be more strict than normal because his behavior is so out of control. On a side note, do not spank out of anger because your son will see it as you are out of control, and you may lose control and hurt him. And for those who are against spanking, how were they disciplined and how did they turn out? I personally rarely spank my son because I established control early when a stern tone and sharp look was enough punishment.

Answer 4

You need to take control of that child NOW!!! You child is going to grow up being a bully and a selfish brat. You have nobody to blame but yourself for his behavior. I don't blame your new friend for leaving. You probably did nothing about your kid pushing hers. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? What you need to do is remove him from the situation in which he is misbehaving and put him into a time out, whether it be his room or a chair in the corner. He should stay there for no less than 2 minutes and when he is allowed up he should have to apologize to the person who he has hurt. You are doing your child no favors in life by babying him. Some day he will be agressive to the wrong person and get his butt kicked, who will you feel sorry for then mom?

Answer 5

Well, you've probably been told "get him on Ritalin"
Not always the case.
I'll be the first to tell you Ritalin or an equivalent seems like
"OMG!! so this is peace!!"

You just might end up with a non-productive citizen who might learn "I need a (pill) to get through life" I can only imagine the horrors of where or what that might lead to. As much as I wanted peace and tranquility in my life I wanted a better future for my son.

Screaming, hitting or pinching him only enforces his behavior.

Myself, pediatrician and sociologist spent nearly 3 years working with my son using (Bio-feedback) (medicaid approved).
The (outbursts, & showinging out) lessoned I began to notice changes in him about 6 mths later and he longer takes anything other then an asprin.

You MUST be consistant.

The sociologist should have more information for you.

Remember your not just his (mom) you're his teacher, disaplinarian, and rewarder.
Oh yeah and kisser of "boo-boo's" lol
One last thing, it's kinda harsh (stop giving in to his every whim,
it should make him stronger)

Answer 6

Sounds like you better get this next one right. I would hate to be you with 2 of those little Dameons with there heads spinning around spitting green crap. Kidding aside...

Sounds like you need to get your son an appointment with 2 doctors. The first a medical doctor to make sure he is ok and does not suffer from any abnormalities. next get him into a child psychologist to be sure he isn't just a half bubble off level.

I am sure at 9 months you are a little on edge and maybe things are not really as bad as they seem but biting is definitely a no no and no daycare in the world is gonna take him doing that crap so he definitely needs some help. Taking your son to the shrink might also help you raise the next one better to prevent problems like this from happening. A mean biting 2.5 year old just might bite your new born out of jealousy so you better get a muzzle on him like yesterday.

Don't feel bad. they do not give you an instruction booklet when you bring a child into this world and even if they did who the hell is going to say that the person that wrote it knew what they were talking about anyway. Kind of like Dr. Spock who ruined a whole country full of kids on his moronic ideas of child rearing and parents buying into it.

Answer 7

You don't mention his dad. What is his approach to him?
Honestly, I would encourage you to find a good child psychologist or phychiatrist. His is in his "2's" but, he sounds like he is far more aggressive than most. He's going for attention, in part. Do you give him praise and attention for what he's doing right?
Reading your question, I wanted to cry. I hear a woman who obviously loves her child, but carries so much guilt for his behavior. You are not the only one with whom he interacts. You have a baby due soon, and your attention is going to be diverted and he's going to act out even more than before. And, you're not going to be sleeping well. You need a plan before that happens, which is why I feel you have to have a professional working with you.
Finding a good child psychologist is hard. Start by asking his pediatrician or clergy. You could also check with the local elementary school principal or counselor. It has to be a child psychologist. A general psychologist would not have the very specific tools for dealing with a young child.
I wish you well - and hope you find happiness, both with your newborn, and your 2 year old as well. You both deserve that.

Answer 8

Sounds like you need to lay down some ground work and start displining him. Not beating him but time outs and alone time and not giving in to everything he wants and needs right away. And no matter where you are at if he is biting , hitting or pushing find his butt a corner to stand in. Time out is 1 minute per 1 year of age. so he needs 2 minutes in the corner. If you dom't get a handle on it he is going to be causing alot more problems then just your friend leaving.

Answer 9

I am crying as l read this,as my son was just a terror from the age of two,and has stopped this behaviour about 2 months ago.(he is now 3 and a half)I never had any problems with my daughters.I couldn't never figure out where he behaviour was coming from.I have never had to raise my voice at the girls and have never raised my hands in a violent way either(nor my son)but l have thought about it on more than one occasion.I couldn't take him any where.My friends stopped calling for a visit to the house,I got into a fight with my sister about him about 6 months ago,and we still aren't talking.At the end of the day,he would never harm a animal,would be constantly coming inside from outside with flowers and put it up to my nose to smell and all he would say it nice ha.So l knew with my heart and soul there was a wonderful creature inside of him.The strange thing is,his bad behaviour stopped as soon as he could actually put more than 2 words together.I have spoken to many people about this,and they have all said that this can be very normal in boys.I hope that things get alot better for you very soon.Take care.

Answer 10

my daughter also went thru some of the same things, she use to spit at people punch them kick them, and among other things..
she kinda grew out of it on her own.. i use the time out because to me putting in a corner or timeout chair is much more effective then wipping them.. sending him to his room is a good start but it shouldnt be his room because he has toys and plays instead of being punished.. also if your preg. that might be a major cause of his attitude.. he may sense(even tho little) that things have changed. for instance he was use to being spoiled but now a new baby coming and gettin ready for it he may feel neglected..so his acting out is a way of gettin attention to him any attention is good whether it be from punishing or hugs and kisses. maybe try this... when hes bad put in time out in a corner but give him a book to look at and then make sure to keep telling him why hes in time out because kids forget so by keep letting him know then he remembers alot more and will eventually start to say hey when i do this i have to sit here alone... and thats not fun.. also maybe (u may already have bee) take a few mins and sit with him and let him feel the baby kick and explain that theres a baby there and then maybe read him a story show him that even tho a new baby is coming he is still loved theres alot more u can do but this may be a start feel free to contact me if need any help-- email [e-mail]