It's a freeform poem about a locale, any locale. I chose my favorite place in the whole world. If you don't like it please do better than "it sucks" or "gay".
Mourning Morning
While I’m floating in a horizontal world of ease
I’m a willing inmate during my sleepy sentence
She’s my soft soul mate if you so please
and this comfy coma makes splendid sense
Smooth and soft my whole world is white
Not a sound stirs-save those from my dreams
Full fluffy puffy pillows left… and right
And everything is- well, as it seems
THE SUN- crashing through the wall of black
spews its vile dawning rays- showering me,
suffocating me with its bright red attack,
and working tandem with my need to pee
So day after day, I wave my white flag
Punching the clock on this reality
With sullen submission I slowly drag
My body from this dry Jacuzzi
A razor stroke and a water splash
has my sleepy life unfurled
Only to come full circle- I crash
back into my perfect world
2006-09-08 11:00:21 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Wow, thank you guys so much for such positive feedback. I wasn't quite expecting this kind of response at all so I'm half relieved- half elated!
2006-09-08 11:22:58 · update #1
I think you should start a blog of other poems you might have. I liked it alot. You my friend have talent.
2006-09-08 11:08:38 · answer #1 · answered by ossifer8301 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good, people can definitely relate to it, men or women, because most of us hate mornings, and the state of sleep is the most perfect world we can imagine. Kudos.
You should really put this on poetry.com, and enter the $10,000 dollar contest.
2006-09-08 11:12:11 · answer #2 · answered by classyjazzcreations 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good work. You have it in you to write something really special some day.
2006-09-08 11:08:44 · answer #3 · answered by pessimoptimist 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u sound like someoen that really has alot to think about.. ur deep... thats a good thing.. keep it coming... u could go somewhere with ur writing!
2006-09-08 11:06:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds good to me!! Deep really Deep!!
2006-09-08 11:04:35 · answer #5 · answered by stormy2u2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like it. I hate mornings too.
2006-09-08 11:04:26 · answer #6 · answered by GERRI B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love it!It's beautiful!
2006-09-08 11:04:33 · answer #7 · answered by Rach 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not to serious or seussical. i like.
2006-09-08 11:06:40 · answer #8 · answered by xmissamericax 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its good
2006-09-08 11:01:36 · answer #9 · answered by BeachBum 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good''
2006-09-08 11:04:39 · answer #10 · answered by SUN FLOWER 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋