sacrificed alot in life even though im only 21..?

Question

hi,
my mum and dad split up when i 9. I am the eldest and have found it tough because i have younger siblings and did things people my age don`t do. I passed my driving test when i was 18 because no one else could drive, only reason i did it was because i didn`t want people laughing at us when we went shopping. I only work part time but pay for car insurance and weekly food shopping and phone bill etc but my brother and sister whom are 20 and 18 work but pay nothing towards the house. I can`t go much because my money is gone when i buy food for family. Sister and bro wear expensive clothes and all i think about is my stupid family. I have made my family look like a million dollars because i wanted what was best but noone seems to care about me. I am only a 21 year old girl but so much resposiblility and mum doesn`t care i pay for everything. I am muslim and was born and bred here, i want to write so much things that have happened to me in my life but not much space here. Mother tried

to force me into marriage when i was 16 but i didn`t do it. Instead suffered mental and physical abuse. I want to live a little without me doing stuff for others. On top of everything i am a lesbian which makes it hard. im so decent but get taken for a ride by my own family..

can`t move out due to stupid family honour. Can not tell im a lesbian because we have alot of asian people in our area my life won`t be worth living. So have to stay here and put up with it. Stupid sister today said u don`t wear decent clothes.. how can i when they take all my money and spend theres on luxuries..

Answer 1

You need to change you mind about being a lesbian first of all. Have you thought of moving out on your own? You should try it and see how your family makes it without you.

Answer 2

This is more to do with you and why you feel the need to take on this responsibility
your the only one who can stop it share the load sit down with the family to sort out a budget where everyone contributes because if you keep on doing it then everything will just stay the same
Take the positive from it that you are more than capable to look after yourself financial and therefore if and when you move out you know how to be financially independent
Good luck

Answer 3

You are obviously a hardworking, genuinely dedicated and motivated woman.

You need to utilise that to get the courage to say "enough is enough" and please, move out of this. Otherwise you're going to end up stressed, having a nervous breakdown and who knows what else.

Your siblings can get jobs now, there's absolutely no excuse whatsoever. I know the family is core for anybody, so you have to maintain the bond, but you really do need to get out in the big bad world. Go to your local housing association / council and what not, ask about accomodation.

What are the chances of you getting a full time job? That may allow you to rent a flat.

I hope you can get something sorted, you can't go on living like this! You're young and should be making the most of life.

Answer 4

Don't sacrifice yourself anymore. Take Fram464's advice, there are support groups out there to help. You don't say what work you do, but is there one where you could live in? If not, the support group may find you a house share.You cannot live like this, in some cases it is better not to have a family than one that is truly awful. Don't forget to take the car, and let them do their own shopping and carry it on the bus!

Answer 5

Yes you have and still do have it hard and I really feel for you.
You need to start thinking and acting more for yourself, your siblings are now grown up and should be taking care of themselves.
Get a full time job. Save your extra earnings. Move out and get independent.
Don't let the family make you feel guilty about this, they will soon be moving out and you will be left alone. Make the first move.
And, get some counselling regarding your sexual orientation, you will be surprised how much help is out there for you.

Answer 6

Why not make contact with Kiran or Asiana which are Asian Women's support groups based in East London with their own refuge councillors etc...

If your not from this part of the world they can may be able to refer you to something suitable locally. They are nice people there and very helpful

They can talk to you about moving out of home to escape this financial abuse in a culturally sensitive way and put you in contact with other young women who have gone through similar problems

Good luck

Answer 7

If you can support all these people you need to move out and live by yourself. Your family is using you and you are not helping them by being responsible for everything. So what if you are a lesbian, go find a nice girl to share your life with and for goodness sakes lighten up on yourself. Get out of that house, no one there appreciates you.

Answer 8

hi
never mind u r not late for anything u did all the best what u can do so its your turn. life still goes on and think for your self. its not beeing selfish. because u did all the best for your family but u have to think for yourself they have to learn something for themself as u know live and learn. let your parents live and learn.so enjoy your life. when u wake up in the morning just say that to day its the first day in rest of my life so started to enjoy it. just do what ever u would like to do. i am muslim too but our religion is more open than any other. dont waste your time and your money and your body. its not allowed so u have brain this the difeerence between us and any other live so just use your brain and find the best for yourself
have a good like i hope u get what u like

Answer 9

oh dear! you should be enjoying life at your age, as for your brother and sister they are taking you for a ride, stop giving them your money, tell them if they want clothes they must work and buy them themselves, you need to start putting your foot down, put yourself first for once, you will not get another chance at life to live it to the full, have you got a friend you could move in with, then see how they get on without you, not very well i would think good luck

Answer 10

You are a GOOD person and although you sacrificed a lot you've grown strong as a person because you've found the strength to cope. Is there any way you can gently explain to your family how you feel-without accusing anyone (this only gets people backs up) best of luck

Answer 11

Your family put you in the role of "Dad" and won't stop using you until you decide you've had enough and break away from them. You were not born to live, work and die for your Mom and siblings, your life is your own, please take charge of it before you wake up one day and find all your best years are gone. You've more than earned a life of your own. Good luck and God Bless.