My 10 year old daughter is jealous of my 2 year old daughter.?

Question

My 2 year old daughter named Iris is severely disabilitated. She has Gran Mal seizures,sensory integration disorder,Tourettes Syndrome,is paralyzed from the knee down , and has Iron Defficiency Anemia. She rquires LOADS of attention and my 10 year old dauhgter named Analise gets extremely upset when I pay her no attention. I try SO HARD to but Iris is just so demanding of time and attention. How to go about this? Any advice?

Answer 1

With so many conditions, maybe you could get some kind of disability for her that would allow for some kind of nursing help. If someone could relieve you at times, you could spend some alone time with your ten year old.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

This must be a stressful time for all of you.
Do you have a good support network among friends and family?
You could if possible try and make sure she gets some time each week just with you or special time with a friend or family so she feels special.
What your daughter feels is not unusual. There are charities that give help to siblings of people with disabiltiies search the internet for support groups in your area. They could give you a break or allow her to have a space that is not dominated by your other daughter.
Don't feel guilty about the situation, and don't spoil your older daughter (like let her get away with naughty behaviour) in an attempt to compensate. Keep telling her you love her and how special she is
and how you appreciate her being good under the circumstances.

Good luck

Answer 3

Divorce is very hard on kids. The only people who come out ahead in a divorce are the lawyers. Just be patient but firm with her. You need to set up rules and guidelines now that she has to follow. There may be times you can relax those rules if you feel it necessary. She is 10 so there is still some time before you will have no control left at all. Give her more responsibilities around the house that she must complete and allow her to earn some type of reward. She must earn it though. A feeling of accomplishment and completing goals is very rewarding, builds good self esteem, and also keeps her occupied in a positive manner.

Answer 4

Do you have anyone who can come over and watch Iris for a little while? A grandparent, aunt or uncle, or friend? Then take that time to go somewhere with Analise. Just the two of you. Explain all the problems you have to contend with and tell her you are setting this time aside to spend with just her. You don't have to go somewhere and spend a lot of money, just go to a park or go to McDonalds and get a couple of sodas and sit and talk. Go for walks. Just something that you two can enjoy doing together. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 5

That's comprehensible due to the age of your 10 year old. As you may have guessed she thinks her sister is your favorite seeing the affection she gets from you. She may not yet understand that that her sister is in need of that constant care and love from YOU all.

Try to get her help you, when she is not occupied, in caring for her sister. Try to explain her the difference between her sister and her. for instance stress out things that she can do which her sister is enable to even when iris reaches her age.

Let her read out the notice on the medications, even if you know what is written there, she may ask you to explain why her syster needs these medications and make sure she understands by your explanation that Iris is in difficulty and different and in need of round the clock care.

Try to tell her stories of what two year olds do (running in the house, messing up around...), take example on other kids you know, she will eventually wonder why her sister is enable to or does not do all these.

It is very hard for you i appreciate it, having to care for a disabled child in hard enough, you don't need no more stress.

Answer 6

First of all, it is cool to finally find someone with the same name as my daughter (though mine is spelled "Analysse").

Second, you need to find a way to make her the center of attention from time to time, and make sure you are giving her little signs of reinforcement for the behaviors you want to see.

I would recommend "The Power of Positive Parenting" as a starting point. The idea is to decide what behaviors you want to see in your daughter and figure out ways to reinforce those behaviors. By focusing on behaviors, you take away the ambiguity of "how do I pay her more attention". The cliche is "you don't eat the whole elephant at once, you eat it a bite at a time". By focusing on her behaviors, you also force yourself to pay better attention to her (notice I said better, not more....in the case of attention, quality really does trump quanitity), especially when your time is limited as your definitely is.

But remember, when all is said and done, it will help your daughter a lot to just take some time for her....go run through the sprinklers with her or take her to a movie. Maybe you and your husband can take turns. Whatever it takes, be consistent and always be there for her. I grew up with a physically and mentally challenged brother and my parents had to spend a lot of time with him, so they took turns taking special time out for me.

Lastly, make sure Analise is involved with your other child(ren). By allowing her to have some responsibility you help her to realize that there is joy in service, and you will help her love and understand Iris better. You cannot harbor bad feelings in your heart for someone whom you truly serve.

Hope that helps, and good luck.

Answer 7

Try and get her to help you. Help her to realize the reason that you have to give the younger one so much attention. If you are married try to have your husband or even a family member take care of the younger one so that you can spend some time with your 10 year old now before she becomes a teen and does something horrible just to "show you". Even a picnic or a walk or just some TV time. Even a little time will help.

Answer 8

Maybe you could get a sitter to watch your youngest child so you could take her out. Shopping, movies, skating, or just to have a icecream and some quality time. It's hard enough with a child with no disabilities, so i could only imagine what your going through. Good luck and e-mail me for support. [e-mail]!

Answer 9

You could try to involve your daughter in your life a bit more, whether it's helping with her sister, activities the 3 of you can do together or you giving her more one on one time.

Answer 10

Wow tough situation. I would try and have someone (daddy or grandma) watch the baby so that you and Analise can have some one on one time, away from that baby. God bless you and your family.