my mother called me just now....?

Question

last night I asked u guys if its wrong to not have a relationship with my mother b/c she makes my life hell with her words and actions ect...she just called me and I told her that I wanted some space from her and she started to talk all of her **** all over again saying that it was me who destroyed everything for her financialy ect..the same old and that I dont wanna hear reality (about my marriage not being right ect..) and that is why I dont wanna have a relationship with her then she cried and said she did a lot for me and suffered a lot to have me in this world it came up to my throat to tell her all the things she has caused me but I thought whats the use anyways she's heard it a million times and still hasnt changed so I just hung up on her, now I am down and depressed AGAIN feeling guilty that I shouldnt treat her this way but what am I supposed to do let her hurt me all the time with her attitudes and pains and words ect...I really dont know what to feel please help me...

Answer 1

Your mother shouldn't make you feel guilty for doing things for you, because she is an adult and if it is against her will, she should not have done them for you in the first place. Also, it was her responsibility to take care of you!!! No mother should make you feel bad for the things they do for you. That's incredibly selfish.

However, your mother is entitled to her own opinion and you should filter what she says because she's been there and done that and probably knows better. Any mother knows how painful it is to see her child suffer or make bad decisions in life. I think she is channeling her concern into a negative way and feels resentful because she can't do anything to change your life for the better.

Gently talk to her and let her know that it's not helping that she cries and whines about your life. What you need is her utmost support and advice on how to better your marriage. Tell her that you're thankful of what she's done for you but what she's doing is destroying your bond. Keep in mind that she's not trying to hurt you--you're hurting because you know that what she's telling you half of the time is right. People in denial (those who do not want to face reality) always think they're the victim. They think any negative thing they hear is bad, when in fact, people need to tell them how it is to wake them up!

Good luck--and remember, family is very important because they'll stand by you no matter what happens. You always have the power to change things. You're not a victim of circumstance, and if there's something wrong in your marriage and it is making you unhappy, then you have to make changes in your life to make yourself happy. You deserve that.

Answer 2

Poor thing-It sucks that ur feeling so bad-I have a question for ya though-why is your mom against your marriage? Why did your gramma raise you? Does your mom have a diagnosed mental condition? Bottom line is, if she is hurting you this bad, then cut off your relationship with her. It sounds like this is really stressing you out & its really not worth it-I know that sometimes moms do know best etc, but she just sounds like she's trying to make you feel guilty for all the crap that has gone wrong in her life. Can you talk to another person that knows your mom? That might help also...Good Luck--& DO NOT feel guilty about how you have treated her-you don't need to hear put downs if that is all she has to say!

Answer 3

whenever she calls again, tell her: mom, I'm sorry if i've caused you so much when you brought me in this world. Since I inflicted you so much pain, I want you to have peace of mind. I will stay away from you for the meantime. But I will be around whenever you need me. I completely understand those things you said to me and it hurt me seeing and hearing you that your hurting very much. bye mom! then hang up. Or something like this. At least you won't feel guilty for not hurting her for the last time you said goodbye to her. Humble yourself, eventhough you're also hurting. And just an advice, don't forget about your mom. After all she is still your mom, a family. Let just heal the wounds for awhile. When you're ready, reconcile with her, if you still want to.

Answer 4

If your mother is willing to try and change and will admit some fault in this, then try and work it out. But if she still wont meet you half way, I would have to say see ya. You cant go through life letting people put you down, no matter who they are. You have to feel some self worth or it will only eat at you for the rest of your life and as far a s we know we only get one chance here on this earth do you want to spend it feeling horrible?

Answer 5

I think you and your Mom need to talk, but with a mediator making sure that the comments you both make are productive. Rather than jump down each other's throats about all the past problems, you need to let each other express what you need from each other and how to do this without any more anger and pain. If you can't afford a counselor, perhaps a minister will sit in and offer assistance.

Answer 6

I had a similar upbringing with my mom, really. She was and is to this day very opinionated, harsh, crass, etc. It wasn't until I gave my heart to the Lord (really, this is true) that I really saw her for the reality that had clouded me all through the years. Yes, she did have a rough time, raising me as a single parent, and if anything I was a lot like her, opinionated myself, but in a different way. I learned at that time to love her for who she was and forgive her completely for everything else and although our relationship still (20 years later) is not as close as I would like it to be, we have a fondness for each other that would have never happened had I not changed. I guess my suggestion for you is that it is always better for you (me) to make the change rather than waiting for the other person. My prayers are with you =)

Answer 7

I have five daughters and believe one of them and I have had our run inns. These were vicious and hurting words that were said but I just gave it time and now things are much better. Some times we have things all bottled up inside and we take it out on the people we love. Give your mom space and you take yours to. When everything calms down try working on your relationship again.

Answer 8

Your mother sounds like the unhappy one. By blaming you for all of her short comings is her way of dealing with her misery. Don't let that get you down though. You have a right to be happy in this life. I suggest that you distance yourself from her and her temper tantrums. You did not ruin her financially or any other way, remember that. She seems like a very selfish person and seems like the kind of person who does not like to see anyone happy. She feeds on making people around her miserable. That's what she doing with you. Just because she brought you into this world, doesn't give her the right to destroy it with hatred that's inside her heart and soul. You deserve to be happy just like the rest of us and if your mother can't see that, it's her loss. Good luck to you and all I can say is be happy in life.

Answer 9

You and your mom need to work your issues out and get over the past so you can have a healthy relationship. If you can't do this together, then go to counseling and work it out. You are both going to feel bad/feel a void in your life if you continue to argue like this and dislike eachother.

Answer 10

Wow sounds like your mom & my mom are twins. I just ignore my mother. She has always been rotten & controlling. I have a way better relationship with my mother in law. Just leave things be and she'll realize that you have your own life & it was her privilage to have you as a child. Take care & good luck.