I need to know how you approach the subject of race with a 4 year old who's Bi-racial.?

Question

This wonderful little boy just started pre-school.His race became an issue when the parent filled out his paperwork for school.This child is thought to be caucasion by the outside world because he's very light with blonde hair and blue eye's, but he has some african-american features that other african-americans recognize as being from their race.He also has a caucasion father now who has raised him from the age of 5 months and is thought to be the birth father.I guess what I'm really asking is how do get him to understand this and is it too early to approach this.The parents and friends fear that another child may inadvertantly say something and confuse him.This is a serious question so no haters please.

When I mentioned that it became an issue with school paperwork,I mean that it asked the childs race and it listed Caucasion,African-American,hispanic,other.The parents weren't sure what they should put down.the child is my God-son.The parents have no computer and asked me to ask this question.We love him dearly ,with all the hate in this world they want him to have all the info he needs.They just weren't sure if he's old enough to understand.

Answer 1

Tell him white sucks and that all his problems are whitey's doing.

Answer 2

When you look at a person can you necessairly tell whether or not they are Norwegian, Dutch, Sweedish or English? No, but they may carry some of the charecteristics (my husband is German and BELIEVE ME I SEE THAT IN HIS ATTITUDE!) :) Maybe try leaving race out of it. Some things that may be good analogies though should the situation come up, Puppies, if a mama dog is tan and the papa dog is a dalmation, you might get a white dog with tan spots, everyone is different but the important thing is that we all have the same blood. YOu know what I mean? We all bleed red. The outside is just a case. I highly doubt a lot of 4 year olds are going to question race. My 3 year old doesn't even notice a difference in skin color. He is all caucasian and never asks me any questions about why his friends have a different color skin and we live in an area that has much diversity.

What I really don't understand is that why did the race become an issue when the parents filled out the paperwork? If it wasn't an issue before that why is it now? I don't get that......

Like I said, I don't think a four year old is going to point at this light skinned boy with blond hair and be like, "Hey you look like you could be black." That just doesn't make ANY sense to me........

Answer 3

With him being only four years old, I think it may be a little too early to really bring it up. But I understand the concern about another child bringing it up and it causing issues with him. As an RN, I would bring it up now lightly, tell him that his mommy and his daddy are different, that he is special. Children really don't see colors - we teach them stigmas - society teaches them. And unfortunately that you cannot control. But if it becomes an issue with him in a negative way, ie: a bully making fun of him, etc., make it a positive thing, and it really is best to make it a positive thing before it has the chance to become negative. Tell him about how far we have come since the 1960's, what things used to be like, segregation, in the best way you can where he can understand. At age 4, he may really not be interested though - I know my daughter would interrupt and say something along the lines of "Can I play now???".... But never make it a negative thing. Tell him how special it is that two people from two races could make something so special. If you don't make it a positive issue before negativity arises, it will give him a stigma - and you want to avoid that. Build him up, make him proud. Tell him that those that are mean or say mean things, just don't understand and aren't good people, but don't let him retaliate, teach him to alert the adults. If he reacts, that's what they want, and then he's the victim forever, because they will always want that reaction. At age 4, he will be able to understand good and bad people, just don't let him treat either a different way, he'll be the bigger better person that way. And that's what we all want of our children. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

This is a very sticky question. However I do not think that the school should make an issue from his race. That should never be an issue. Children face enough obstacles in life, without having to figure out why or why they are not accepted because of the colour of their skin. I know thats not really answering your question, so I will try to explain a bit more what I am saying.
We agree he is of a mixed race, or at least has enough of the characteristics to be thought as such.
It may be too early to approach this as you have said. Kids can be very cruel, a trait that is learned from those around them who promote this awful trait.
If I were you, although it may be hard to wait, wait I would do until someone said something to this young boy. Theres no need in trying to explain things he doesnt have a question for until he is ready to learn the answer.
When this does happen I would suggest in calling a family meeting with whom has been raising him and or his legal guardian or parent. This way with his parents permission and consent, you will be able to try to explain things to him. You would have his parents there to help and maybe the two or three of you would be able to explain things to him in such a way that a child of his age would understand, without the answer being more than he can understand.
If you would like to speak with me further and at length my email is [e-mail]

Answer 5

I am 1/2 white 1/2 Mexican and my children are Mexican i have never lead them to believe there is any difference between races just people... and i remember when he started a daycare he had a little friend who was African American and he asked her one day if she was Mexican like him... she said no I'm black.. and the mom and i just laughed but we never really paid attention to it and they never really pursued it further and i think if that other child says something to him he won't even understand at his age .... i think race should not be an issue with kids so if he brings it up then i would talk about it but also let him know that everyone is different and he should accept everyone.. I hope this helps a little ... I know it can be a touchy subject good luck

Answer 6

My daughter is an IVF baby - I have donated my eggs to another lady who cant make her own eggs and will hopefully end up having and IVF baby from my eggs - we are friends and we will be honest with both our kids about how they came to be and how they are related - my daughter is almost 4 now and I believe it is too soon to tell her anything as she just wouldnt understand.

As for your situation I dont believe race would be an issue at his age - my daughter has asian friends and indian friends etc and all the kids play as if there are no differences at all to kids of this age there is no race difference or colour difference thats just their friends and there is nothing more to it.

When he does ask any questions - talk to him then - Im more than sure that there would be books about how to talk to him about it - I just did a search on the subject and I just found a persons experinece with what you are talking about - this persons child is half asian half caucasian and her son is 4 and is starting to notice the differences in black and white people so it may be something you would find interesting to read (the link is below) HTH and good luck with it!

Answer 7

wow, well that depends on your relationship with the child. If you are close to him you can take him for a walk in a busy park. Go where their are lots of different people and in a delicate way show him the differences in the races. Or you can color people, crayola makes markers in skin tones. When doing this, you can ask him questions, and answer any he has.
If you are a teacher, you can do a nationality day, where all the kids in the class learn about the cultures and background that they come from.
Whatever you do teach him love and tolerance.

Answer 8

WHY is race an issue ?????? the majority of my class is bi-racial. I have to keep from laughing at times when race (skin color) comes up between the kids. I just let the kids talk away, they usually are respectful about each other and let them try to work it out. I had a very tan white kid last year, the black kids (many bi-racial) kept telling him he was black, he kept insiting NO I'm WHITE! and then there was the light-skinned mixed black girl. Who also claimed she was white (which is what her mom said, so that rules!) all the other kids tried to say she was black. We leave what 'color' the kid is up to the parents. We don't do 'multicultural' usually stereotypical lessons or discussions. Why point out differences if the discussion never comes up? we never discuss race as in Caucasian, Asian, African-American. We just tell kids when the subject comes up that people come in many colors.

Answer 9

My friend has a bi racial child, and she started out by making it normal to be around BOTH kinds of people. He knows there is a difference in his mom and his dad, but he knows that he is still a beautiful person. She made sure he had books and toys and action figures that showed both races, so he didnt ever get "used" to one. His father was a dead beat who took off, so she had to work at it. But I think he has a great understanding of it at the age of six. Also, try contacting a child pyscologist (spelled wrong I am sure) See what advice they could offer too. Good Luck!

Answer 10

IMO it might be a little early to approach him. It might be better to wait for him to ask. He is so young and impressionable and probably completely unprejudiced at this point in time; the last thing you want is for him to go to school thinking he is 'different' for some reason.

Things aren't like they were, say, 20 years ago. While of course there are some geographical areas where prejudice is more prevalent, diversity has gained a lot of ground.

I think this diversity is good for the world. I wish the best for your little friend!

Answer 11

If his parents are raising him white, don't bother. If you're not the parent, why are you worrying about it? It's not your child. I was raised with no mention of race around me until I got to school. When I was in first grade, I was going to play with my friend Otto and asked my friend Ashley to come with me. She said she didn't like Otto. I was surprised and asked why. She said "Because he's black." I couldn't even process her statement because it made no sense. Otto was a nice boy, why did his skin color matter? I asked my parents about it when I got home, and found out that some people just don't like people of other skin colors, and it's called racism. I don't worry about it to this day, and still don't understand why it's more of a factor to some people than attitude and personality. I would just chill out and wait for the child to approach the parents.