I'm recently divorced after a long marriage. I've met this great guy and we've been seeing each other for 2 months. I told him at the beginning that I wasn't looking for anything serious but when I went out on a date with another guy, he told me he couldn't handle it. So, he wants to see each other exclusively, but I'm hesitant to get back into a commited relationship, yet I don't want to lose him. What do I do?
2006-09-08 08:47:39 · 35 answers · asked by *** 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Tell him YOU aren't ready and you want to date other people. And if he can't handle it... then GOODBYE!!!
2006-09-08 08:48:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is never an easy answer to this type of question.
I guess it depends a little on the circumstances of your divorce, and what you want out of the rest of your life.
You say you are "hesitant" about another committed relationship. It sounds to me like you haven't ruled it out entirely, but at the you're enjoying some freedom which you don't want to lose unnecessarily. Remember, freedom is care-free, but ultimately it is also lonely.
What are the reasons for you wanting to date other people? Is it to search for Mr. Right? Or is it just to let your hair down and have a good time and enjoy it while you've still got it?
You need to have a good think about what you really want.
2006-09-08 08:54:31 · answer #2 · answered by shoby_shoby2003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that after being married for so long, that you want a little time to see what else is out there. That you really enjoy his company and still want to see him, but that youre not ready for an exclusive relationship at this time in your life. If he really cares about you, he'll understand and wait. But if at this moment in time you really dont see a future with him, Id just let him go as save him the hurt.
2006-09-08 08:51:10 · answer #3 · answered by •°¤Lauren¤°• 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You had better think with your head instead of the guilt trip he is putting you. You are saying two different things, sweetie. You had better tell this guy in plain English that you do not want to be in a committed relationship with him. You are on the rebound and this is bound to fail. You need to get used to the single life, making your own decisions and being independent. You are now right back into something where someone is trying to control your life! Either he has a relationship on your terms or.......terminate.....simple as that........period!
2006-09-08 08:52:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
(This won't help, you'll have to break it off.)
The only thing you can try is:
Tell him you aren't ready for committment--that it is too soon for you. Urge him to get his jealousy or insecurity under control.(Don't know the guy, so I don't know which is his problem.) Remind him that he may meet someone who is very interesting, and you don't want him to have to choose between not knowing her, cheating, or breaking it off with you.
After two months you should have half an idea of whether he is marriage material. If he isn't, you have to let him go. If he is, think about whether you want to see other people so badly.
This would have been easier if you let him think you go on dates all the time--spending all your time with him for two months is taking yourselves down the relationship path, not the playing-the-field and searching for my love path. Keep that in mind next time.
2006-09-08 08:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by wayfaroutthere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest and tell him that you feel that you need a little bit of space right now and that you don't want to be in a committed relationship. He can either accept this or move on and there is really nothing that you can do. You need to focus on taking care of yourself and healing from the divorce. This takes time. Don't second guess your decision. You have the right idea.
2006-09-08 08:51:31 · answer #6 · answered by mad 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be firm and direct. He should be understanding considering you are freshly divorced. If he sticks around and respects your wishes, then that is a good sign. If he doesn't stick around, then that is a sign that he maybe wasn't the best guy for you. (Everything happens for a reason. )
Just dont keep him around because you are afraid to hurt him.That would do more harm than good. But if you are not ready for an exclusive boyfriend then definatley emphasize that to him...Good Luck !
2006-09-08 08:54:58 · answer #7 · answered by lion75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To make it less painful for him, just turn it all on yourself...say something like this...
"being recently divorced, I am not emotionally ready for another committed relationship but I still like you and want you in my life, but I need some space to heal and recover from the pain of the divorce"
If he can't be sympathetic after that, then he is too selfish and needs to be dumped.
2006-09-08 08:53:13 · answer #8 · answered by Signilda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Date other men, its no big deal. Sacrificing how you feel for a guy you just met is not fair to you.
If he can't handle it, it's his problem, besides you've only been dating for two months, the safe mark is 3, he's still under warranty and can be traded for a stronger model!
2006-09-08 08:52:56 · answer #9 · answered by adrian_biccum 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has to realize that you and him have just started to know each other it takes time to build a relationship; tell him you want to continue dating him but not to make a committment yet if he does not agree then keep looking he is not the one for you
2006-09-08 08:51:18 · answer #10 · answered by laferla66 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest and tell him that you are not ready for commitment. It wouldn't be fair to him if you did commit because you are not ready and it would be a bad beginning for a relationship that wouln't last. Never do anything you are not ready to. If he really likes you he'll be patient and respect your wishes.
2006-09-08 08:50:51 · answer #11 · answered by jennylove21326 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋