How do I deal with my bestfriend's wife who calls me a bad mom?

Question

My bestfriend friend of 13 is a guy named Matt. His wife is really mean to me. I work three jobs, as a petite model, as a personal trainer, and a mom of 2. I am married as well. Matt's wife is a stay at home mom solely even though he can hardly afford it, she spends her entire day in sweats. Matt complains to me she has really let herself go. Our kids are in the same class and sometimes when I went to pick my daughter up, she came over to my 5 year old daughter and said " Do you know that your mom is a fat b****" right in front of my face. She calls me a horrible mother because I work 31 hours a week! I am very nice to her, I even offered to give her some free personal training sessions. I go out with Matt sometimes for drinks or dinner and she calls him like every two minutes to " check up on him", she also calls my husband and makes up lies up how I am sleeping with guys I meet at my job. I am not a bad mom, I love my kids to death and make sure that my family is happy and healthy.

Part of the reason I work, is that it gives me a chance to work out, which makes me a healthier woman and a better mom for my kids. I dress up, so I can look nice for my husband, she dosn't even make the effort. My husband and Matt get along great, they are really good friends as well.

Answer 1

Its soley her problem. You should not have to see him less frequently just to satisfy Mrs. Pottymouth. It dosn't matter of she is his wife, she can't take speciel treatment. You have been his friend for 13 years, which is probably a lot long then he has known her. I would talk with Matt about and let him know what his wife is saying and doing to you. Maybe discuss it with your husband as well. Maybe Matt does not know how his wife is acting. They way she is acting, she is the one who sounds like the bad mom.

Answer 2

This woman sounds very insecure. It sounds to me like she can't cope with your relationship with her husband and has a thousand fears about it. Maybe she's ashamed that she wears sweats all day and that she has let herself go to the point where her husband has noticed. She has chosen to take it out on you, a fit and successful woman, rather than fix her problems.

If you know you are a good mom then do the only thing you can, kill her with kindness. Even if she detests you and acts even worse to you, she might eventually see that you aren't the reason for her problems. And if she doesn't, then at least you've done all you can and you can feel good about it. Make sure Matt knows about the way she is talking to your children, there has to be some boundaries and she might follow the rules better if they come from him.

Answer 3

It appears that she is perhaps jealous! It sounds like you've done much already to try and work things out with this gal.

It would be hard, but try talking to her directly, explaining to her your feelings, what the issues are, etc.

Maybe she just needs some time with you, to feel "accepted" in this circle of friends. I know you've offered her sessions at the club, but try something else, such as ice cream together, a walk, a trip to a museum, etc.

Her speading rumors about you is terrible.

If jealousy IS her problem with you, then hopefully it can be cleared up. If this isn't the problem and after you discuss all this with her, then go directly to Matt and get his advice.

I don't know what else to tell you, honey. I really hope things can go well for you from now on. I can't imagine the stress you're living with! It would be very hard to be "stuck in the middle" of people.

Answer 4

With those types of people I just try to put myself in their shoes. You have to look at both sides, not just yours. Maybe she does feel bad about herself and is directing her anger at you because she knows you feel good about yourself.

She obviously does not have her life straightened out and she knows it, her husband knows it. How would you feel if you were having a hard time with your life, what you wanted to do, getting motivated, and then some girl who has everything figured out starts hanging out with your husband? Then your husband thinks she is great because she has such a great life, great motivation, and great self-esteem?

You would think to yourself that she is better than you. Since your husband hangs out with her, then he must think so too. Obviously the situation is driving her crazy.

If I were you I would back off for awhile. They have a marriage together and they need to make it work. If they feel there is something getting in the middle, or even someone (even though it is just in her head), then you need to be the bigger person and tell them to work on their marriage & stay away.

Answer 5

I think that she sounds jealous of the time that you are spending with HER husband. Since you and your friend are married (and not to each other) it does seem a little odd that you "go have drinks" without your spouses. That is not something that happily married people do, it's what singles or couples do, or people who are having an affair. I can't say that I blame her for thinking that you are having an affair. I don't think that it is right for her to make rude comments, nothing excuses that kind of behavior. You need to stop going out with your friend without your husband. By the way, what does YOUR husband think of your having drinks with your best friend so often and excluding him? I think you need to get yourself out of THEIR marriage and let them fix things between themselves without another woman getting in the way because that is obviously how she sees you.

Answer 6

Sounds like you started out on a bad foot with her . Is she invited to drinks and dinner when you and her husband go out . What would you do if your husband went out with his long time friend ( Girl ) and didn't ask you to go . You would get jealous right ? Have your friend talk to her and see what the problem really is . Then have dinner all together you & hubby and your friend and his wife .

Answer 7

I am so sorry you are going through this and how terrible that she has the nerve to say that stuff to your kids. I would have confronted her with that by now and probably would have whooped up on her. The answer is simple, she is jealous of you.
You are working and she isnt and maybe she feels helpless, I also work but 40 hours a week with two girls and another baby on the way. Its how it is, we work to provide for our families. My advice would be to distance yourself and make sure your daughter stays away from her potty mouth as well. Or just confront her and ask what you did to her that she is so upset about.
Good luck!

Answer 8

Sounds like she is insecure as it is and feels threatened by your friendship with her husband. Talk to your friend, you may have to hang out together less frequently. Add some couples nights out to your social life and all four of you get together sometime - with and without the kids. Let her get to know you in a non-threatening way. Maybe this will help her get over her insecurities.

Answer 9

hi i am sorry about your trouble with your friends wife.Maybe i can give you alittle bit of advise that may help you.I am also married and i learned that it is okay to have friends but there is also a line that has to be drown like for instants neither my husband or myself go uot without the other one if we go to eat or for drinks we both go that way we know what happens and no bodys wife or husband can be upset andthink that somthing is going on between us and it doesn"t give them any reason to suspect anything. GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

She's a player hater. Stop being friends with her husband and nip it in the bud just like that. If she calls any of your numbers again or approaches your daughter, take her to court for harrassment. Too easy. Get money.