What is your opinion about a 20-year old woman that wants to cut her parents out of her life because she feels they have bad influence on her psyche and stay in the way of her development as an individual?...Bear in mind that these parents have never done anything obviously outrageous against her and would probably be considered normal parents by anyone.However,she doesn't feel any kind of attachment and responsibility towards them...I want you to be her judges.Comments,please.
2006-09-08 08:42:37 · 16 answers · asked by mrs xpert 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I just wanted to add that the woman I was talking about IS me,I just put it in the third person in order to make it a more general case...The invitation to judge was ironic of course,as I expected everyone to be against me.
2006-09-08 09:08:18 · update #1
Well, just because they haven't done anything to damage her psyche or development that is obvious to others doesn't mean it isn't true. What matters is that it's true to HER.
She's 20 years old - if she feels these are toxic people in her life then she is doing what she needs to do for her own well being (emotionally). Maybe in time her feelings towards them will change.
2006-09-08 08:56:22 · answer #1 · answered by Avid 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
hm. How do you know for sure they aren't actually psycho when no one is around?
I'm 23 and limit how much I see my parents because they were very controlling when I was growing up and unaccepting of me. I'm the black sheep of the family and really don't feel connected to any of my family members at all. (PS- Thay also don't reach out to me. I told my mom the day before I got my wisdon teeth out that it was going to happen the next day and she FORGOT. My mother in law even called me to see how I was doing!! so while not "outrageous," a lifetime of being ignored does add up)
So I would say what she is doing is fine.
2006-09-08 15:47:11 · answer #2 · answered by kermit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't know the whole story, but going by what you're saying...Sometimes, people need to learn the hard way what they have or are about to lose (you know that old "grass is greener" adage?)
She's grown. Let her do her thing. Her parents will either embrace her when she comes running back, or tell her "since you're so grown and you don't need us, KEEP not needing us".
Just sit back and watch the drama unfold. Nothing else you can do. Hope this helps. Good Luck.
2006-09-08 15:55:50 · answer #3 · answered by dct1218 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, it would depend on a lot of different circumstances. Maybe something happened to her that *isn't* obvious and maybe she doesn't like talking about it, and she may have her jusitified reasons. You never know. Also, maybe they seem like normal people, but living with them may have been a different story, you know? Best thing to do is talk to her about it. You can't force people to have relationships with other people, but you can definitely help her through it by listening to her instead of judging her. We can't judge, and neither can you. Not now, anyway.
2006-09-08 15:49:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
How do you KNOW that they haven't done anything outrageous against her? Abuse is hard for the victim to admit. Sexual abuse by the dominant parent is often covered up by the subservient one for various reasons. I'm not saying that happened, I'm just curious as to how you would know positively that it, or something else traumatic, did not take place between them all.
2006-09-08 15:52:22 · answer #5 · answered by Skeff 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she wants to be the center of attention all the time. She has to make her own drama in order to gain attention from everyone.. She wants people to feel sorry for her. Play the AWE POOR BABY game. Not a very emotionally healthy person.
2006-09-08 15:47:57 · answer #6 · answered by Not Me 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it's a bad choice to cut them out, especially if they are so called 'normal'. If they have provided for you as parents should, then there's nothing wrong with distancing yourself if you feel otherwise but to totally let them go? You'll regret it later. Parents don't become important till you're in your 30s. Then you'll want them around, I promise.
2006-09-08 15:46:11 · answer #7 · answered by FacingEviction 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You didn't grow up in her house. You don't know what might have really happened. Most abusers appear to be perfectly normal to outsiders. That's why it goes on for so long. Who wouldn't report someone who beats their kids or emotionally abuses them?
It's highly possible that she does need to break ties in order to get on with her life. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
2006-09-08 15:47:46 · answer #8 · answered by FozzieBear 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Let me say, you're not her. I want nothing to do with my mom after the **** she's done to me. NO ONE has a right to sit there and justify how I felt and what I saw. Not my hubby or my father because we all saw it from a different view. It's her decision and she has a right to it. You were never in her shoes.
2006-09-08 15:57:11 · answer #9 · answered by All I have to do is dream... 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i htink the nature of the parent make thier girls feeling cuz the girl are mirror to her parents so as the parents was behave with thier parents the girl will do the same with her parents.
so i hope the rule of the life to change and make the girl love her parent..
2006-09-08 15:47:12 · answer #10 · answered by someone 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋