Ladies Help!?

Question

This one is for all of you ladies who are engaged or married. Were there times when you would think about that things between you and your man were not going to work out? It just seems like he never understands me and that he can be supportive of me during my good days, but when I am sad or upset he just cannot handle it and he automatically assumes that it is his fault. It's like his way is always right. I am engaged to be amrried and I love him but is this feeling of maybe it won't work normal?? Give me your best advice.

Answer 1

Happened to me...talk to him about your doubts because you dont want to keep your doubts to yourself...hes going to be your guy if you stay together and nothing shud be hidden...talk to him about how you feel hes not there for you when you're upset and give him another chance if he asks you to give him one...and if it still doesnt work out and if your doubts still dont disappear...let him go..you need to find the guy who you wont have one single doubt about and you most definately need a guy who will help when youre upset and this is a very characteristic for a guy but it is most definately possible to find a guy who will be that way for you. This is my opinion.

Answer 2

Everyone has moments of doubt; that's a given. I get the feeling that when you are having any problems he tries to solve them, instead of just listening and being supportive. This is typical male behavior, and you can gently explain that all you need is sympathy, not instructions on how to handle things. Rational, loving men will come to understand what it is you need from them.
On the other hand, some men are control freaks, and think that they can tell you how to do everything, and that if you aren't following their instructions, there is something wrong with you. THAT is a big, fat problem, and should be cause for concern. If he thinks he can run your life BEFORE the wedding, it will get much worse AFTER. Don't marry a man who will not learn to accept you for you. That includes the sad, mad, glad, and sometimes bad versions of you. He doesn't have to like all of those versions--just accept that it's all part of the deal. If he can't or won't, call it off.

Answer 3

Well I hate to say it but I had that feeling big time before I got married and everyone just said it was nerves. But I don't know, my divorce will be final in 14 days (yes I am counting down the days) and I couldn't be happier. I made a major mistake and I looking back I feel like I should have known. As they say looking at the past your vision is always 20/20. I don't know if those feelings are normal or not and I am very biased because of my personal experience. I would say just try to listen to your heart and that there is no rush. I was only 22 when I got married and I wish I would have just given myself more time to think. Good luck with whatever happens, I'll keep my fingers crossed!

Answer 4

Congratulations! I'm getting married next month myself. Yes, there was a time I didn't think things between us would work, but they have and are working. Guys just have a hard time with the emotional stuff. They don't understand why things upset us so much. There isn't much you can do about that but make sure he knows how you're feeling. Talk to him about this and why be cant accept it when you're not having a good day. Tell him how he makes you feel when your upset. If he doesn't take this seriously....it doesn't make much sense to get married. The vows say to comfort her.....in good times and in bad.

Answer 5

Question: While you're hoping and requesting that he becomes understanding, are you making sure that he is being understood?

While it is true that men can be ignorant of women's emotions, it is also true that women can disregard men's nature. We aren't wired to know women, and we aren't going to be able to perfectly fit the emotional shoe when we try to wear it. You have to keep that in mind. I'm not neglecting our responsibilities to try and understand what makes our women tick, what makes our women happy or sad, and what makes our women who they are.

However, that doesn't mean that we can necessarily throw our inhibitions to the wind. We are faulty creatures, and that's what makes our jobs harder. Think about it. Women can understand other women because they're on the same level. Women can understand men because men are simple creatures. If you think otherwise, then you shouldn't have posted this question. Why? Because we men don't possess the emotional chemicals, and that's why it's harder for us to understand women. Sure we may be confusing, but we are more easily figured out than you.

So, instead of saying "he doesn't understand me," how about figuring out what the obstacle is. Find out why you can't understand his logic. Talk to him instead of talking to us. Trust me; marriage is a lot harder than an engagement. I am blessed to have a blissful marriage, but no marriage is perfect. It truly takes hard work, and you will find out quickly. If you and he are willing to work at it, you both will be happy.

Answer 6

I have been married for five years now and the feeling that it won't work out frequently comes back. It's just part of it, I guess, as you move in and out of your heart. I mean, there are times when I am truly in love with my hubby (like when we relax at the beach or go riding) and then there are times when I hate his guts. One word of advice. Although it is tempting, don't punish him by allowing him to feel that it is all his fault. The thought that he cannot satisfy you and will never be man enough for you will cement itself in his mind and he'll end up resenting you for that. If ever, God forbid, he meets a person that makes him feel like he's the man, well, you could end up losing him.

Answer 7

Marriage isn't all good times. It takes a lot of work and you need to have open, honest communication with one another or feelings of resentment will emerge.

What you need to ask yourself is (and be completely honest with yourself): 1.) When I'm upset or sad, does he listen to me or is he too busy blaming himself to hear me out? 2.) Does he stand by me when I'm emotional or does he try to avoid me? 3.) Can I tolerate this for the rest of my life? and last 4.) Is this the only reason I feel like this relationship won't work?

You're the only one who can make the ultimate decision of if to wed or not. This is my second marriage and I've never had any doubts about my relationship with my husband. My first marriage, I had several doubts and, frankly, I should have listened to myself and never have married him.

Good luck!

Answer 8

everyone second guesses themselves every once and a while. Just hang in there, the more you guys talk about what's bothering you, why it's bothering you and what can be done, the happier you all will be!
communication is the key here. you need to tell him what's going on and why you're upset. you can't assume that he's a mind reader and he can't always assume it's his fault. He can't be the only reason that you get upset!

Answer 9

ooooh. It's all too familiar sweetie. Please re-think this commitment before you make it. He probally doesn't understand that your feelings don't always have something to do with him, and he can't "fix" everything. In my experience, many people (not just men) have a hard time learning how to just be supportive. When they can't make you feel better, they have to prove that it isn't their fault or invalidate your feelings or hurt them (so they can then "fix" you). I suggest you call around to find a relationship counsellor you feel comfortable with. Go on your own first, and then see if your mate would like to participate. Even if he won't, a therapist can help you gain some perspective on how to help your fiance understand.

Answer 10

Marriage is hard work. My sister told me this and I didn't believe her. She told me it was just like any old job only harder because it is supposed to be until death do we part. Anyway, after nearly 17 years of marriage I can tell you my sister was right. No one can push my buttons like my husband. He will make my life miserable and then act like nothing is wrong. The only way I have survived this long is because I do work at it. I try to be as specific as possible about what I want and what I don't want.

If the two of you really love each other then you can make this work. Stay on top of him and mold him into the kind of husband you deserve.