A knight went to a wizard, he wanted to sleep with the queen.Said the wizard, "Put this itching powder on her dress, when she comes to me, I'll tell her you're magic tongue will cure her!" The knight had a wonderful time with the queen, but refused to pay the wizard! When the knight saw the wizard speaking with the king, he asked, "So I wouldn't pay you, and you told the king what I did?" Said the wizard, "Oh, no...I just told him how to cure his itchy balls!"
2006-09-08 08:35:25 · 10 answers · asked by Laurie 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I want to be a mongoose.
2006-09-08 08:46:24 · answer #1 · answered by Cyber 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Johnny was an 8-year old in remedial class. One day his teacher asked him a question. "Johnny, if there are five crows on a fence and the farmer shoots one, how many are left?". "None." comes the reply. "Sorry Johnny, but that's wrong. Think again".
"None, miss." is the reply once again.
"Could you explain please, Johnny?" asked the bemused teacher. "Okay," agrees Johnny, "he shoots one and there is blood and guts everywhere. So the others fly off terrified.".
"Well that's not exactly the answer I was looking for, the answer is four. But I do like the way you were thinking." remarked the teacher.
"Could I ask you a question, miss?" asked Johnny.
"Certainly, Johnny."
"Three woman are walking down the road. One is licking an ice lolly, one is sucking an ice lolly and the other is biting an ice lolly. Which one is married?"
The teacher ponders the question for a few moments then replies, "The one licking the ice lolly!" she answers.
"No," retorts Johnny, "the one wearing the wedding ring. But I do like the way you were thinking.".
2006-09-08 16:33:55 · answer #2 · answered by lord_soth77675 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
These 2 women decide to see a XXX movie.
Halfway thru the movie, one lady turns to her friend, and
says : the guy next to me is masturbating. Her friend tells
her not to worry about it. Then she says : I have to, he's
using my hand !
2006-09-08 15:58:36 · answer #3 · answered by Swamp T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That"s a good one , I liked it . I have a short one .
These two fellers were peeing off a bridge , one says the water is cold , the other feller says the water is deep !
umm, humm
2006-09-08 16:38:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
thats really hilarous! here's mine:
Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.
2006-09-08 15:46:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow Red, that was a pretty long and not so funny joke.
2006-09-08 16:01:28 · answer #6 · answered by JEJEMMY♥♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A first year student calls up her mama and says :"Hey, Mama, I got me a boyfriend.....Yeah, he's real decent.....he's little willy is still wrapped in plastic!!!"
2006-09-08 17:37:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about a short sick one.
Guy is giving his girl a French Kiss.
"I didn't know you were chewing gum." He says.
"I'm not," She replies. "I've got catarrh!"
2006-09-08 17:22:13 · answer #8 · answered by quatt47 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
haha
2006-09-08 15:41:47 · answer #9 · answered by jason 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Red, that is so funny!
2006-09-08 15:57:16 · answer #10 · answered by tranquil 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋