ii NEED THE EXACT STEPS ON HOW TO BREAK UP WiiTH MY BOYFRiiEND?

Question

WE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR 4 MONTHS....I FEEL NO CONNECTION WITH HIM, AND IN THE PAST I HAVE TRYED TO BREAK UP WITH HIM HE CUT HIS WRISTS, HE TELLS ME HE LOVES ME BUT HE SHOWS NO AFFECTION TWORDS ME, ITS BASICALLY JUST A POINTLESS RELATIONSHIP... AND HE LIVES WITH ME! I NEED STEP BY STEP HOW TO DO THIS SO HE DOSE NOT HURT ME OR HIS SELF! PLEASE HELP I NEED HIM OUT ASAP! THANKS FOR THOSE WHO GIVE ME GOOD....SERIOUS ANSWERS!

Answer 1

First of all, let me express my agreement with most of the comments
you received so far. I applaud your determination to end this
unhealthy relationship, and understand why it is so hard to do it.

Let's start with this episode of him banging his head against a wall
in order to "prevent" you for leaving him. As you must have already
figured, this doesn't indicate a sound personality, but one that uses
all kinds of emotional extortions and blackmails its ways through
life. This is, and of course, I hope I am wrong, the perfect profile
of a future violent boyfriend/husband: if he can't get what he wants,
he threatens to hurt himself and/or his partner. Discussion or retreat
is not an option, and having the partner is more important than
providing her with happiness or love. This is a person who should be
treated before he is dangerous to himself or others.

My first advice, is to estimate, if you think that he might do
something to himself (or worse, to you) after you break up. If so, I
suggest you'll take several precautions:
- Let people know that you're meeting.
- Meet in a public place - quiet cafe/restaurant, park - somewhere
where he could not pull off to many "shows" and scenes.
- Let some friend of him that you know and trust, know about it.
- If you really think he (or you) might be in physical harm, don't
hesitate to get professionals involved. In most campuses there's a
counsellor dealing with emotional abuse, like the one your boyfriend
puts you through. In every county, let it be the furthest and most
remote, there is some kind of helpline for abuse victims.
- Make sure that there is someone with you - close friend or family
member - afterwards, because it will be emotionally draining, and
might even be one of the most emotionally abusive events you're going
to experience.
- Plan what you mean to say. Run in your head scenarios of his
possible reactions and your reactions to them. Don't be caught off
guard.

However, having all these precautions don't mean that you don't have
to do it ASAP (I actually hope, that by the way you read it, you
already managed to break up with him ...), and very clear. Don't let
him interpret that as one of your other failed attempts to break up
with him. Don't let him understand that it would be okay if he tried.
This type of guys would use it against you. I would suggest a cold
clear cut - "I don't want to see you no more, only on
professional/faculty affairs", not something like "let's stay
friends". It might seem easier to break up through an email, a phone
call or a letter, but that's not fair. You have to face him and to be
clear about what you want to say.

I sense that you feel guilty leaving him, and don't want to hurt him.
I'm afraid that it means that his emotional abuse is effective. Your
feelings, and you as a human being, should come above such
calculations. If you care about him, you should tell him exactly
what's the problem with your relationships, which is more than just
"too much incompatibilities eg. personalities and thoughts" or even
that your "outgrew him". It his attempt to control you by putting you
in a position where you feel at unease not to do what he wants. You
could tell him, that if he really loves you, he should give you the
space you need, and not try to extort you emotionally into having him
back.

Think of your and his future. Do you see a future of the two of you
together? You said yourself that you're staying with him only because
you're afraid he'll break apart if you don't. However, if you stayed
with him, it wouldn't stop. When he'll finish his PhD, he'll have
other pressures (finding a job after his graduation, for a start). I
guess you were just hoping it will die away, just like your liking for
him faded.

The period after the break-up was not mentioned by the commentators,
but it is very important that you'll be in a supportive environment
right after the break-up. Hang around friends and family, volunteer
somewhere (I would say, I hope it is not too mean, in a shelter for
battered wives, so you'll see where those who stayed with such men end
up), and do some sports, anything that would keep you from thinking
about how he handles the situation.


&hearts

Answer 2

I think you need to help him first by having him go talk to a psycologist or something. Anyone who is cutting their wrists has a serious problem. Is there someone in his family that you know that you could talk to about this. That could help you get him help. Also, you need to stop living with him. If it's not your place get out of there. Move back home if you can until you can figure something else out. As for breaking up with someone that has a problem like this I don't know what to tell you except maybe seek some professional help on this matter. If you're in school go see a counselor. That's what they are there for. Good luck.

Answer 3

Ok I do agree that you are responsible for your own life, no one elses.

However I STRONGLY disagree with the ones in here saying "let him cut himself, the world will be better off". That is just ignorant morons typing right there so don't listen to them. They are ONLY posting for the points!

Anyways, if you care for this person but yet don't want to continue the realationship then here is what I would suggest. Do you know his parents/family member of some sort. Talk to them. Explain to them the situation unless they might already be aware of this behavior. Either way talk to them, they could try to get him help, but you need to distance yourself. It is possible if he is doing this he could have a chemical imbalance in his brain and IF that is the case he can seek help with potential medication. My brother in law actually did commit suicide so I know how serious and tough of a situation this can be. Just know IF he does anything no matter if it is harm or actually follow through it is not your fault! I can't stress that enough. If you blame yourself you can be in for a world of depression that can lead to several other problems for yourself down the road. Did to my sister......

Suicide is a choice. The reason I say chemical imbalance is it's been proven that most who actually commit the act do have this. When one has this it can send signals to the brain and make them think bad thoughts so to speak. Anyways, this is out of your control and really his familys to. Either way really try to talk to them. EVEN if you don't know them, do try and get in touch. Again i'm quite positive that if you know, odds are they have some if not all knowledge of this.

P.S. About the ones saying "it is a cry for attention" That is utter crap and don't listen to them. OBVIOUSLY they have NOT been in this situation. Until you have don't give ridiculous advice and just sit down and shut up! You people who say this are horrid and I can't believe you. You should be truly ashamed of yourselves!

Good Luck to you!

Answer 4

Whenever he is gone somewhere pack up his things for him. Have someone there with you that you know will have a positive affect. You can tell him exactly how you feel so that you don't have future problems, tell him that you just don't see the relationship going anywhere. Try and getting him help to just don't stop by letting him go, but look into some help, because he's probally having some personal problems, already. I hope this helps, Good luck...

Answer 5

This is a very unhealthy relationship and needless to say the best thing to do if you are in fear of him hurting yourself is to get away, move out. You also need to tell him that you no longer want to be around him, that you can not be responsible for him hurting himself and that he really should seek counseling. If you know that he is commiting suicide then contact 911 immediately ..

I am sorry that you are involved in this situation - but I would also contact friends and family if you have that information about what is going on. They should be able to give him the support as well - its not your responsibility for his actions. But it is to protect yourself.

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 6

he needs help..u are in a complicated situation. love is one thing.... but being healthy and good for someone is another. you need to help him to become Healthier...not stay w/ him so that he doesn't cut his wrists right now. =T if u are not ready or willing to help him become a better, positive, healthier person, u have to let him know that he needs help, and leave.

i understand that it bothers u, and hurts you, and scares you that he will cut himself if you leave. that shows that you DO care!! even if it's just as a friend, and not a girlfriend, u care! so, help him.... somehow, find someone to help him. a counselor, a therapist, parents, etc..... let him know that u care for his well being...even if u are not his girlfriend. maybe he needs love, attention...and has had problems in his past. if it becomes too much for you, and brings you down, then u have to let him go.... but if u can somehow find a way to help him become better, the friendship will be worth it.

maybe u should tell him that until he learns to communicate and be a Healthier, Happy person, u don't want to be his girlfriend. maybe if he will accept your help, as a FRIEND, to become more positive, then u will be able to discuss wehther or not being boyfriend/girlfriend is possible. but right now, how it's going right now, it's not going to work...and ur not happy, and he should care about that. good luck, and be careful... u have to choose good people to be around u , and filter out the negative. remember, if he brings u down, u have to get out of the relationship/friendship..... he needs to seek help. u cannot Baby him but u can encourage healthier behavior.

Answer 7

Invite some friends over just in case he tries something tell him how it is not easy for you to do this but you're just not happy he shows you no affection and you want the relationship to end have someone stay with you for a little while just in case he nuts up GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

Step one move out
Step two hand him a knife and as you do say good bye.

It is a fact if someone wants to kill themselves there is nothing you can do to stop them. It is just a cry for attention and for you to feel bad.

Simple don't take tell him it is not going to work out you are sorry and you which him great luck and happiness then walk out the door and don't look back.

Whatever happens is not your fault..

Answer 9

Tell him you're screwing someone else and he needs to f u c k off!

Sorry, I didn't read all your post.

You're living with someone you've been dating for 4 months! You were asking for it. Anyway, let him cut himself, the world will be better off without him.

Answer 10

If you rent you make a move out date after you break up. That will get his *** out. Don't worry bout the wrist thing, Let him do it. He needs help and it isn't your problem.