2006-09-08 08:26:34 · 10 answers · asked by autumn_hendrix 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Life Saver flavor one.
Everyone gets a flavor, cherry, lime, orange, they get the last one which is honey flavored, but can't figure out, teacher hints and says, it's something your Mommy calls your Daddy,
Johnny yells out "Spit them out guys, they're *******!"
2006-09-08 08:27:21 · answer #1 · answered by elguzano1 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Johnny was an 8-year old in remedial class. One day his teacher asked him a question. "Johnny, if there are five crows on a fence and the farmer shoots one, how many are left?". "None." comes the reply. "Sorry Johnny, but that's wrong. Think again".
"None, miss." is the reply once again.
"Could you explain please, Johnny?" asked the bemused teacher. "Okay," agrees Johnny, "he shoots one and there is blood and guts everywhere. So the others fly off terrified.".
"Well that's not exactly the answer I was looking for, the answer is four. But I do like the way you were thinking." remarked the teacher.
"Could I ask you a question, miss?" asked Johnny.
"Certainly, Johnny."
"Three woman are walking down the road. One is licking an ice lolly, one is sucking an ice lolly and the other is biting an ice lolly. Which one is married?"
The teacher ponders the question for a few moments then replies, "The one licking the ice lolly!" she answers.
"No," retorts Johnny, "the one wearing the wedding ring. But I do like the way you were thinking.".
2006-09-08 09:39:17 · answer #2 · answered by lord_soth77675 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,
"Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F--K OFF!", the dog ate him!"
2006-09-08 11:14:53 · answer #3 · answered by capnbeatty 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Little Johnny starts schools,his mother warns the teacher that Johnny has a vulgar mouth! The teacher starts class by asking the children to say a word for each letter of the alphabet.She begins with A,Johnny's hand goes up immediately,the teacher thinks,he's going to say azzhole or something like that,so she says Susie,Susie says A is for apple.The teacher says very good Susie,B,again Johnny's hand is up,He's going to say bastard for sure thought the teacher,Bobby,Bobby says B is for ball.Very good Bobby and so the same thing continues as she proceeds through the alphabet,Johnny's hand is always raised first.When she finally gets to R,she thinks,R,I don't know a bad word starting with R,OK Johnny.Johnny says R is for rat,With a dick this Fuc king long!
2006-09-08 08:40:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Little Johnny (Deeper's) Mother comes home and catches him on his girlfriend and yells, "Johnny Deeper" and Johnny replies "Gee Mom, I'm in as deep as I can go".
2006-09-08 08:29:35 · answer #5 · answered by Bob 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
The teacher is standing in class one day, at the front and asks the class. "Who things they are stupid? stand up"
After a minute and a half, little Johnny stands up and the teacher looks at him in shock. "Johnny! Why do you think your stupid?!"
Little Johnny replies, "I don't think I'm stupid teacher, I just didn't want you to be the only one standing."
2006-09-08 08:34:53 · answer #6 · answered by Kevin J 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.
2006-09-08 08:50:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
the one where he jumped over the candle stick
2006-09-08 08:27:56 · answer #8 · answered by stuffy 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
haven't heard any... don't really know what you are talking about to be honest...
2006-09-08 08:29:33 · answer #9 · answered by Fatty McButterpants 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I haven't heard any. =[
2006-09-08 08:28:17 · answer #10 · answered by Drofsned 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋