My boyfriend recently obtained his children. His daughter is very much a daddy's girl. We are planning to move in together at the end of the year and marry next year. This child will not let her Dad and I get within 10 feet of each other. If I make a comment about doing something to our house she will correct me that it is Dad's house. She is 8 and I am trying to help her deal with all of this. Any ideas? I want us to be able to be a family.
2006-09-08 07:25:01 · 26 answers · asked by peachesgirl1212 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I also bring baggage as I have children as well. I love this man and want to spend the rest of my life with him and his kids.His son(10)and my son(8) and daughter(4) are not having problems with the relationship.
2006-09-08 07:52:31 · update #1
WOW - well you're going to need lots of patience and time. You'll never replace her mommy in her eyes no matter how wonderful you are. Of course, she's daddy's little girl - he's probably been the biggest source of security to her through all of her trauma in life. You need to find out what she likes and appreciates and try to build a relationship of some kind between you and her - without dad. Would she enjoy getting her hair done, going roller skating - or a visit to the mall? I don't know what she enjoys but perhaps if you don't have pets and she would like one - you could suprise her with a new puppy to her from you. Animals can be great ice breakers. You're going to need to be sensitve to her or you'll never win her over - even if it seems unfair because you're the wife. Right now, you feel like an intruder to her. Remember that you're the adult and she is the child. That means you can show her how to be sensitive, kind and nurturing even when someone does not respond in kind. It's going to take some time - be patient with her. Start some new traditions - between her and you that will be fun for her like an occasional trip out for ice cream even. She needs to feel like you would love her and take care of her even if daddy wasn't in the picture. Remember, she can't help being 8 and this is totally normal. You just have to remember that you are the wife and of course you're the most important woman in your husband's life. You're going to need to show that you're secure enough in his love not to become defensive about her behavior. That behavior will lessen as you get close to her.
2006-09-08 07:33:01 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well at that age they think they know everything. I have a new husband and a 7year old. SO i understand. Just let her say what she wants. After she is finished you can take her on the side and explain everything is the family's not just her daddy's. Everyone has a part in the house. Not just her daddy. She does, you do and her father. You guys are a family. You all work. She goes to school. You work and daddy work therefore it is all three peoples house. You guys share it. She will understand if you keep repeating the analogy over and over again. May god bless you and your family. Oh and tell your man that you and he need free time without daughter 1 time or 2 per month :)
2006-09-08 07:30:56 · answer #2 · answered by blessedwithlks 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
oh girl, you are in for it. One, treat her as a person. What she says is VERY important because she feels threatened by you. Be gentle, consistant, and above all loving and caring. Be her friend, and leave disapline to dad... When she says, with an 8 year old attitude, "This is DADS house!" Just lightly look at her, and gently say, not condescendingly but as if she's a friend, "Oh, you're right, SoAndSo. And very smart." And then say stuff like, "We should go get some ice cream, if that's okay with you, SoAndSo." When she sees that you care for her and her opinions, she will do the same. Children do as we do, not as we say. Always use her name, it's respectful, and it shows her respect, and meet her eyes when communicating. Ignore the bad, and reward the good. You'll will do fine. Good luck!
2006-09-08 07:30:34 · answer #3 · answered by punkdrunkard 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It will take time for the little one to adjust to sharing her daddy with another women. Take it slow. But your b/f must be the one to correct her.He needs to lay down the law and let her know how it stands. He should tell her no its our house, all 3 of us. If after a few months 6-8, she doesn't get any better, then go to some family counseling together.
2006-09-08 07:28:44 · answer #4 · answered by silver 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there are some pretty big transitions going on in your house and at that age your soon to be step-daughter seems to be a little insecure about all of the changes and somebody new (no matter how loving) joining and becoming part of the family--seems like she will be *testing you at times---my advice is to try to stay positive, and reinforce loving positive actions---let her know you want to be her friend, and that you are one more person to share love in the family----and that she'll always be daddys little girl......some children have fears that they might be replaced in their dads affection by a *new sibling , remarriage or any new addition to the family.
it'll be fine
2006-09-08 07:32:15 · answer #5 · answered by darkangel1111 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have lived the exact situation you describe, only difference, I was the Daddy with the little girl. In my experience my daughter was 6 and acted the same way. I was lucky, my current wife was strong willed and didn't let my daughter drive her away. It is a tough situation to be in but I think in most cases it eventually tapers off like a phase. Stay strong and I would say it will work itself out. Good luck.
2006-09-08 07:31:32 · answer #6 · answered by jvano35 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't know how old you are but you need to communicate this to your Future Husband. You both need to talk yourself about things, then have a family talk with the child- explaining the rules of "Our" house. Make sure you get ALL the kinks out first before you jump the broom into Marriage.
2006-09-08 07:45:57 · answer #7 · answered by BronzeBarbie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is up to your boyfriend, not you, to handle this situation. He will have to sit down with this child and patiently explain that his love for you doesn't mean that he loves her any less. It will take time and you may be getting yourself into a very difficult situation. Think twice and make sure the situation is resolved before you move in together.
2006-09-08 07:29:05 · answer #8 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nope you won t get that power she s trying to drive you away and if you stick to ur guns ur gonna be very miserable in the end you have to remember one thing in his eyes she will always be his angel and things between you 2 ( u and the girl) are gonna be viewed as you not liking her or you being immature it s a messed up predictment that is one of the reasons single parents have such a tough time finding mates i wish you the best of luck you only have 10 more years till she is an adult i just hope for yours and her dad s sake you stick in there
2006-09-08 07:33:28 · answer #9 · answered by glass_city_hustla 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is quite normal behavior for an 8 year old. It is incumbent upon her father, not you, to gently but firmly establish the new rules for her with respect to you. You will need a lot of patience as she works through all her feelings. Counselling my help her and all of you as a family, if you dont' start to see some progress.
2006-09-08 07:28:11 · answer #10 · answered by jurydoc 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋