Stay-at-home mothers are losers?

Question

Why do some people (so many!) believe this to be true?

I was talking to someone who told me that after years and years of study, a woman shouldn't "waste her education" to j"ust be at home and make babies" and stuff. Other people have made similar remarks before. WTF??? Do they not know that this is one of the hardest and most rewarding job ever? Why do most cultures make it look like it's a big loss for a woman to make such a choice? Why do they persist in these lies, knowing fully well they are wrong?

Answer 1

These people should also have it pointed out to them that a mother can better take care of her own child than a day care place. I personally do not want my children going to day care because I simply do not trust a stranger with my children. There are too many sickos and creeps out there, not to mention, I don't think it's right for someone else to discipline my child. No, I don't mind occasionally letting him go to my parents' house, but that's different. Those are the same people who raised me, ya know? I definately won't allow him to be taken care of by a stranger.

They persist in the 'lies' because they can't see the other side of the coin. Most mothers only stay at home until their children go to school; at which time they return to work with 5 or more years of experience you can't get any other way.
Think about it: where else, in one job, can you get experience such as:
*Meal Planning (nutritionist)
*Accounts receivable/payable (accountant)
*Cleaning (housekeeper)
*Teaching young children language and social skills
*Activity planning
*Event coordinating
Etc. You get the idea. Being a mom, stay at home or not, is a hard, 24/7/the next 18 years job either way you look at it.
I am staying home at the moment, but after this next baby is born, I plan on going back to work. My husband will be the stay at home father. We take turns, so that neither of us stays out of the workforce for too long, or gets too sick of one thing. It's nice that way we don't have to trust our kids to strangers, and we both have respect for what the other does all day.

Answer 2

I don't know. Being shot at for a year was pretty hard when I was deployed. Now that I am home with the kids, nothing quite compares on that level of "hard". Kids are easy as long as you set boundaries and have expectations of them. Without discipline, I am sure it's even more difficult.

That said, I can see why some people would say SAHM are lazy and losers. They are home all day. Every minute of that cannot be spent enriching Timmy into being the next Einstein. I think that's a cop out for women who don't like to keep house. Some SAHM are poor housekeepers and use their kids as their scapegoat for laziness. To me, that is unacceptable. Toilets need to be cleaned, simple repairs need to be made, homemade meals should be prepared, and the home should appear at least maintained if someone is there constantly and is in good health to keep it.

To each his own. I am going back to work after a 9 month respite in October. I enjoyed the quality time with my new baby girl and my son, but I miss working too. I think this is a subject that gets real ignorant, real fast, because everybody has an opinion and little or no respect for the other side, especially if they have NEVER worked before. Maybe you just don't understand what it is like to have been educated or trained in a skill or profession that you enjoy and don't know the feeling of being away from it.

In my opinion someone is only a loser if they carry themselves as such and have a piss-poor attitude. It's also your opinion and speculation that raising kids is a "job". To me, it's an obligation and it's my family. They can never be compared to a job. Any money I make is all for them and their benefit. Yes, family is rewarding and challenging. But some women need the identity and sense of self to balance it all out that working provides.

Walk a mile in someone elses shoes.

Answer 3

I clicked this question in order to report it as insulting (and I'm not a mom at all).

Why do people say this? Well, they're rude, but that's not a very enlightening answer, is it?

An amazing number of people think they have the right to tell everyone else how to live their own lives (even though they resent others telling THEM what to do). Not sure why.

This particular question has some history to it, as there was a time that everyone was saying that moms who worked outside the home were selfish and wrong, so such women (often working out of necessity) fought back.

Unfortunately, they fought back, not by supporting people's right to make their own decisions, but by putting down those whose choices were different.

Then it kind of became "received wisdom" and just gets repeated.

Many people feel they themselves would be bored staying home rather than working a paying job. Some of them are right, but they make the mistake of thinking everyone should feel as they do.

And there are still a lot of people who say that women who don't stay home with their kids are bad and wrong and responsible for the decline and fall of civilization, etc.

Answer 4

I guess people need some sort of tangible affirmation for their lives. Our culture puts a great emphasis on monetary gain and material wealth. A lot of people just don't understand something they can't rate that way. SAH moms don't get that paycheck or even a pat on the back most times. It does seem like you are working the at the bottom when all you do is wipe butts and noses and clean up. but, I'm with you, it is one of the most challenging AND most rewarding jobs ever. Also, it doesn't last forever, just a few short years.

Answer 5

SOme people in American think that for a woman to be a stay at home mother is a step backwards in the fight for equal rights for women.

I am a full-time mom, and a full-time student, and a full-time employee. I don't know how I manage to balance it all, but balance I do. I would be more than happy to give up working outside of my home in order to raise my child with good morals and values and a solid foundation in educational fundamentals. Unfortunately, being a single parent with no help from his father, I am unable to do so.

I am a woman who is in school to earn her Master Degree in Business Administration with a concentration in Global Management, but if I am lucky enough to live out my life long dream, I will someday be a stay-at-home mom. Saty at home mothers do the jobs of several people with no compensation. Like you said, it is the most rewarding job and also the most selfless job a person can have. My full-time career is dedicated to improving education for children. How can a woman who chooses to stay home and raise her children be considered a loser? However people must keep in mind that a stay-at-home mother and a stay-at -home slacker with kids are two different types of human.

The whole point of feminism was for women to have have equal rights and equal choices about our lives as men do. If I had my choice, I'd be a stay at home mom.

Answer 6

I have been a SAHM for 4 years now. Although I am truely blessed for the time I have gotten to spend with my daughter. My mind has been on idle, all my friends were in this "mom" group with me. All we talked about was poop and potty training. I was miserable. I'm now going back to school for nursing at this moment and eventually pre-med. I could not be happier with my choices. I finally feel like a person again. I'm having complex thoughts, debates, and conversations about other important things besides children. I, in no way look down on SAHM's I know first hand it's a very hard job. But going back to school has been the most liberating thing I have ever done. At one time I truely believed that a womans place was at home with her family, cooking, cleaning and caring for children. WRONG! I know that I can do and be sooooo much more then just a baby maker. I CAN have it all! A family and a career and couldn't be more pleased with the direction of my life. I don't HAVE to go back to work. I CHOOSE to go back to work. Please DO NOT stereotype all working mothers. I certainly am not jealous that SAHM's get to stay at home. Point being, it's my choice like so many others.
Tara

Answer 7

I am a stay at home mom. It's one of the hardest jobs I ever had to do. you are with your boss 24/7 your can't take vacation no breaks but the pay is great I love every min ok almost every min I am with my son. Love him to death but 5 mins of peace and quiet would be nice. lol I have tried to explain to my husband thats it's not easy raising our son. On the weekends he says this isn't hard. For 1 I'm here helping you 2 you are new to the job trying working it for 9.5 months

Answer 8

Actually most cultures don't look at stay at home mothers in a negetive light, most of them see them in a positive light. I do agree that it could be wasting your education, like people who go and get a PHD and then become a mom, with out reaping the benefits of that education. It is a hard job, but not everyone chooses it, and those people might have some qualms about it, not because they are jealous, just because it is not what they have chosen to do with thier lives.

I am on the other end of the specturm. My husband is a stay at home dad, he gets a lot of flac in this society for doing that, even though he is an amazing father. I for one, think it should be more accetable for men to be stay at home dads. I am the breadwinner for my family, and I work a lot, but I still take lots of time to spend with my family.

Answer 9

Because people are human and just can't seem to help judging one another. I am college educated, but I stayed home with my son when he was a baby until he was in grade school all day. I am so happy I did so for the bonding experience we had...I would never change that for the world...THEN? , Yes then I did go back to work as my only purpose for staying home was him...and he wasn't home any longer...and housework is done whether you work or don't (and frankly personally?..not a challenge enough for me) So I went back to work - when he was in school. I think everyone has to make their own choices. I think as long as when you are a stay at home mom, you remind your children (especially your daughters) that they can do ANYthing they want when they grow up AND have children too (if they want)...then who should care? I have friends who were educated and stayed home, but while the kids were in school they weren't watching soap-operas & runnin' the sweeper - they were volunteering in one way or the other - doing community service. I'm ALL down with that.
I only think it should NOT be a parents choice to stay home with their children if they are counting on someone other than their spouse to support them while they do that. It shouldn't be on somebody else's dime. Doesn't matter what you do if you are a woman. If you stay home with your kids you get judged - if you are a working mom - you get judged. I remember my own grandmother saying to me, "how can you do that? I couldn't. I had a house to clean." I said, 'granny so do I...and it's clean. I help to support my family, I take good care of my children AND I clean the house...and that part is the easiest and less fulfilling of them all. I won Parent of the year when my son was in grade-school and again when he was in high-school. I was as soccer coach, was on the PTO, etc, etc. etc...AND I worked.

So since I was home with him from birth to 5 - and then went to work while he was in school (and other mother's continued to stay home while their kids were in school) I suppose I got judged from both sides of the fence, and I know how it is from both sides of the fence. My cousin's wife has 6 children, and even she went to work once they were all in school...(she couldn't wait...lol) If you check statistics - you will see there is NO real proof that stay at home moms produce any more successful or healthy children that working moms - in fact in the larger cities it's the children of the working moms that actually do better. So you don't really know - there is no tride and true fact to say this way is right and this way is wrong...what's right is what the mother decides to do - as long as it's with her children's better interest at heart.

Should always always be a personal choice and/or the choice between you and your partner together...and as a TEAM.
So don't let anyone put you down...you do what's right for you AND for your children. The children will grow to be as good as they are parented by...working mothers or stay at home mothers. Don't worry about what other people say hon - do what's best for you and your children first.

Answer 10

I don't think that stay at home moms are loosers. I was lucky to be able to stay at home with my daughter till she was 9 months old, but my husbands income was not enough to pay our normal household bills, so I had to go back to work so we could support our family. Trust me, working moms get blasted just as badly. We have people telling us that we are horrible to choose a career over our kids. Well in some families, where the husband simply does not make enough to support the family on his own, the mother has to work to feed and put clothes on her kids.

I say to each his own. If you can stay home and still support your kids without welfare, great for you. And if you need to work outside the home to support them, well your still a great mom and you can still love your kids even if you arn't there 24-7.