My father has never been there for me and it hurts me so bad. He left us when we were four years old and moved to Missouri. He started a new family there and treats them like gold. How many of you guys remember sitting on the front porch with your bags packed waiting on your father that never came?
He always says that he is going to send me stuff and then swears it got lost in the mail. He says he is coming to visit and then calls and says his car broke down.
Its funny because when I go to see him he is so nice to me, like he has no remorse for what he has put me through....
Why do I seek his approval still?? I am 22 years old you would think I would get the hint...
If he called today and said I am coming to see you I WOULD wait for him. Its sad! I love him so much and I love my little sisters its not their fault.
I called him crying the other day and left a message and he never called me back, so I left a message saying I am going to quit calling. what do i do?
2006-09-08 07:12:36 · 18 answers · asked by Violet 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I feel very sorry for you. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my father married again less than a year later and treated the stepkids like his own, while playing "financial games" with my mother and us (we were in tatters and were 48 hours away from the bank foreclosing on the house because Dad "forgot" his financial responsibility to pay the mortgage). He always worked two jobs and so I never saw him, and when he retired, I thought I was going to see him more, but no, he sold his house and moved 7 hours , 380 miles out of state.
I say, to forgive is divine, but never forget. Also, when you are older and have children of your own, don't let your kids become too attached to him so they don't join that "circle of disappointment." This has worked for my children.
Just stop calling. Don't bother telling him. Make him guess and fret. Make him step up to the plate. I will pray for your situation. Good luck.
2006-09-08 07:22:45 · answer #1 · answered by DMBthatsme 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are clearly thinking about this and know there is a problem. That's a step in the right direction. Stop focusing so much energy on HIM and focus it on living your life. Hard as we try, you can not change someone that habitually lies and abuses you. When he tells you he'll be there and he's not or tell you he got you something, but didn't, it is mental abuse. You get your expectations up only to have them smashed. He tells you things you want to hear and then he doesn't have to deal with the real issues. Don't call for awhile. You might consider seeing a therepist to deal with the issue this situation has caused. You probably feel anger, resentment, abandonment and many other feeling that can get in the way of your daily life. If you haven't already, you might also consider joining a club or group that focuses on a hobby or activity that you enjoy. It can help to widen the circle of people around you. If you focus solely on pleasing one person, you life gets very narrow and you lose yourself in that. Family or not, life is too short to let someone else have that kind of power over you.
2006-09-08 07:38:31 · answer #2 · answered by jigsawinc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, as a 40 year old son of a deadbeat dad like yours I can not believe the patience you have. This individual made a choice, a selfish choice to start a new family before he finished with the first one. He does not deserve the respect and love you give him. He does know my friend, inside that he is wrong. You should also know that it is his loss not to have you in his life. He is your biological father and he has made mistakes. You can still be friendly towards him but your misguided love is very disrespectful to the parent or the real "men" and women who raised you and supported you.
I speak with my father about once a year. I treat him as I would any other "regular" person, but I do not give him the richness, the benefit, the treasured love of a son because he did not earn it. Neither did your father.
2006-09-08 07:27:49 · answer #3 · answered by davenarmy66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You move on. My dad did the same to my sister and I. You never stop loving them no matter what they do but that doesn't mean you have to respect him. I'm sure he feels guilty for what he has done but most men won't ever admit it. Sometimes it's better to just live your life as if he was a distant friend and not your father. You can't fix him so don't try. Just know that you are special to your friends and other family members and tell yourself you gave him every opportunity to be the best dad to you and it's not your fault for the mistakes he has made.I hope my words help a bit. Good luck in life , health and especially happiness!
2006-09-08 07:24:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You quit calling him and you move on. I know it hurts. My dad was never there for me either. You look at the other male role models in your life who have helped you: grandfathers, uncles, a neighbor. It isn't the same, but these guys have been there for you and you should expend your energy loving those who will return your love. You're not a yo-yo. Don't act like one. Put on a strong front and make sure that when it is time to marry you don't find someone who is distant like dear old dad. I too would give anything for a great father daughter relationship, but it won't ever happen. I am just grateful I did have good male role models in my life, no matter how sporadic they were and that I gleaned enough from them to know what I needed to look for in a healthy, loving relationship. Now is the time to start loving yourself and move on. You can do it. ;)
2006-09-08 07:23:32 · answer #5 · answered by darthbouncy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you are in pain. Betrayal is not an easy thing. If you cannot confront him with your feelings, cut the strings that bind. He will always be your father, but reconciliation may have to come when he matures. Some people never get it! Just don't let the experience with him make you a victim all of your life. What he does and has done is not your fault. If you have access to a therapist, they will help. Good Luck!
2006-09-08 07:20:31 · answer #6 · answered by Holly T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A girl I dated for 3 years had a very similar father, and so did my mother. Just know that it is not your fault. Also know that he loves you very much even if he doesn't show it. He probably feels really bad about how he has treated you. If that is true, he is probably unable to show it or bring it up because it brings him pain too. He knows just as well as you that he can't change the past, and he is afraid that he will not be able to control himself if he admits how wrong he has been.. So, he will probably always keep a gaurd up. But, if you're eangry, tell him your angry. Don't be afraid. Just tell him how you feel. He will understand. Also, try to move on with your life. Maybe look into seeing a therapist. Just talking about it with somebody who is willing to listen can do wonders.
2006-09-08 07:43:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly, these circumstances happen. Fortunately, you have the power to choose what you want to do about it. You seek his approval because you have never had it, and since he is your father you feel you need it. You will probably base you relationships with men on how your father has treated you and be drawn to that. Tell him that you love him but you will no longer tolerate being treated so poorly. You would love a relationship and attention from him, but don't base your world around it. and move on....he'll be an old man someday and seriously regret this decision.
2006-09-08 07:20:11 · answer #8 · answered by Cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there, you have to just comes to terms with the reality that he is not going to come or call. It took alot of years for me to come to this. But one day I got a phone call from my father and he called to apologize and told me how sorry he was. He was calling from his hospital bed, he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He died the next day. We talked for a little while and I felt all those emotions all over again. I was never told that he died, I read it in the paper. I was never told about the funeral or anything. I did however find his burial place a few months later and I went to visit and I was able to tell him everything that I wanted him to know. All of the feelings of abandonment and anger for doing what he did. And then I told him I loved him, I forgave him and said Good-bye. It felt good to get rid of all of that baggage. I hope that you can release your feelings one day and not the way I had to. Good Luck!!!!
2006-09-08 07:21:33 · answer #9 · answered by slanteyedkat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for what you have been through. People who have never been through this just can not even begin to understand the pain and the feelings of rejection that you go through. I found that having a few really good friends (not just aquaintances, but true, loyal, be-there-for-each-other-through-everything friends), and making them your family really helps.
I've never met my father, but this weekend, I will finally be speaking to someone in his family. I don't know that I will ever get to meet him, but I hope he will be willing to meet eventually.
Good luck with your father. I wish all fathers knew just how much their daughters need them, and would quit abandoning them.
2006-09-08 07:28:56 · answer #10 · answered by crazyone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋