i have been broken up for about 4 weeks now. this is the longest i've been without a relationship in 7 years, whether it's a boyfriend or just a fling. i am feeling so lonely and depressed, even though my kids keep me pretty busy. i need to know how to get past the feelings of loneliness and reach my goal of no men for a year. i know i shouldn't feel lonely with 2 kids, and that's why i'm confused. i've tried almost everything from going shopping on my days off to just staying at home, but nothing works!!
2006-09-08 05:56:52 · 31 answers · asked by trisha_r_c 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have been where you are, in fact I am just now figuring out how to enjoy the time I spend by myself. I have a 13 year old and have been single now for 4 or 5 months.I was really depressed after my last relationship dissolved, I wasn't interested in any of the things that I use to love to do,like reading, taking walks, drawing and painting. Even listening to music no longer appealed to me. I think I no longer really knew who I was, I knew who the me who was the other part of a couple but not the me I was before I became a half of a whole. Anyway, I went to the doctor and began to take an antidepressant, I was leery of the decision but desperate to get out of the rut I was in. It has been two months now and I am reading again and beginning to discover alot of things that I enjoy and that interest me. There are big issues on the use of antidepressants but all I can say is that it worked for me, in fact Sunday night I caught myself laughing out loud, something that I haven't done in a year. Good Luck
2006-09-08 06:26:50 · answer #1 · answered by ladylunamina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are experiencing grief over the loss of the relationship. There is nothing you can do to hurry up the process of healing. You have a certain way you do it and it will move at its own pace. However, you don't have to sit there and suffer along. Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional. You need a support system.
Get a hobby. It doesn't have to be expensive. Find some female friends. Do something for fun, just for you. Get in the habit of taking good care of yourself. Even if it is just taking a bubble bath every once in a while. Before you know it the year will be gone and you will have a clear head the next time a man shows up in your life. Don' try to make men friends unless you already have them. No matter what a guy tells you. . . there will always be that issue of sexuality between you, unless he is an old buddy from grade school, and then it is still risky.
2006-09-08 06:22:34 · answer #2 · answered by Jack P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Going thru the same thing, girl only i have three kids. I'm dealing though. You can't just give up life. I know staying out of places that leaves you open to meet another man seems like the easiest way to go but it don't work. It's all about will power. Go out with friends only to have a good time and enjoy the night and then come home alone and the next day you'll feel better not completely but the will power you put over yourself will give so much needed confidence in yourself. I did that this past weekend and I had a blast and realizaed that i'm stronger than i thought i was. I love my kids and would give my life for them, but when it comes to matters of the heart sometimes you have to deal with it in grown up ways and not in cookies and cartoons. Hang in there!
2006-09-08 06:14:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to find personal goals that don't have anything to do with a man. If you don't have a lot of friends, try joining some type of club to make some. A book club, scrap-booking group, join a gym, or anything related to a hobby you enjoy doing. You can be without a man and not be lonely!
2006-09-08 06:00:11 · answer #4 · answered by Nunya 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep yourself busy with your life.
I have had some bad break-ups and my advice is not recommended by doctor Phil, but I found hating my ex-gf helped heaps, if I hate her how can I want her?
Your life and your kids keep you busy, so focus on that. I also recommend that you wait until the worst of the pain diminishes before you enter another relationship. If you enter another relationship quickly you may ease your pain in the short-term but you will open yourself to more in the long run.
Take it one day at a time, and keep yourself busy with your friends. = )
chin up now girl! your children love you and need you
2006-09-08 06:03:40 · answer #5 · answered by angle_of_deat_69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No men for a year huh? Wow, that's really ambitious and I applaud you for trying it. You sound a lot like me. Just got divorced in March. Even before I was divorced I knew that I did not want to be alone. I don't like being alone and not being able to share my most intimate feelings with another. With that being said, here is my suggestion. I think if I were you, I would try to get involved in some type of community service event. Like volunteering for a worthwhile cause in my town. I think that would make me feel better about myself and give me something to look forward to. Knowing that I was helping others who needed me would make me focus more on that then being alone.
Hang in there and God love ya.
2006-09-08 06:10:57 · answer #6 · answered by THP 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like you need to find yourself and learn to be comfortable with yourself again. How can someone else appreciate their time with you if you dont even feel comfortable being alone with yourself? I went through heart break before and the reason I think it hurt so much is because I gave so much of myself that in the end I had nothing for myself to be at peace with. Then someone told me that I should never never depend all of my happiness on one person because people make mistakes and are bound to fail you at one point. So in those cases thats where you have to learn to be able to hold your own.
2006-09-08 06:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by TheLight 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Keep it up. Feeling happy with yourself is the best way. I wish I was you I would definitly try to keep going single for a while so you can find out you are. It's lonely but I gave up and got back with my husband and I wish I would have stuck it out instead of being lonely and took him back.
2006-09-08 06:03:49 · answer #8 · answered by 2strongfor2long 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take advantage of the time. The one year goal is a great start. Enjoy being independent and having the pride of knowing you really don't need anyone else to make you happy. It really is a great feeling!
2006-09-08 06:35:20 · answer #9 · answered by Kris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to learn to be comfortable being by yourself. It's not easy for everyone...me, I'm lucky, I'm perfectly happy being by myself. I will go out to eat and see a movie..whatever. Now, I have plenty of friends, but I think it's important that ALL of us are comfy being alone.,..it's okay to be single and NOT have a man - that's sometimes a GOOD thing. Find something that you enjoy..something that makes you happy...curl up with a good book, have lunch with friends if you just need to be around others...you've got to find "yourself" as goofy as that sounds.
2006-09-08 06:00:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋