How do I "get over" what other moms think of me?

Question

I know I am a good mother. Mom of 2 and Step-mom of 2-All live with us. Husband and myself both work full time. Problem is my daughter is 12- in 7th grade-the girls are very catty, and there seems to be different drama every day. Most of it is brought on by their mothers influencing them-they push them to have boyfriends, be on diets, wear makeup. It is wearing me out. My daughter is cute and very athletic, but not really into boys yet, much less makeup. I find myself avoiding being around these other "moms" at all school events, however I always try to walk by and offer a "Hi", and feel them staring at me and talking as I walk off. They talk about everyone. So sick of it. I don't remember this much drama from when I was in Junior High.

Answer 1

In all honesty, do you really care? Ask yourself, if you do and if you do care, ask yourself why. It is drama. These women are making their children the perfect people. The people they wish they could be themselves. It is completely wrong. You are being very nice in offering a hello. That is the proper grown up thing to do. It is important with so many influences regarding beauty and what perfect really is that we couch our children to excel in what talents there were blessed with. At 12, I wasn't dating or applying a bunch of make-up and I certainly wasn't on a diet. Don't 12 year olds have enough to worry about?? Doesn't anybody?

Answer 2

I know those kind of moms. Can't stand them either. I don't have a daughter so I don't get the girl drama. But I do feel like I'm back in High School sometimes. They have their own little groups. I will never belong to them. And I really don't care. They don't know what they're missing. I've tried to join in. But they are just not friendly. That's OK. I tried. Their loss.
You just have to think of it as you're too good for them.

Answer 3

I think I know what you are talking about. And yes the drama that girls create can be a real pain in the butt. It seems to me that my daughters friends mothers (not all of them) are in more competition than the girls. I do get along with her friends parents, except one that has herself way too high on her pedestal. That one I even refuse to say hello to, and it may be childish also, but I would rather give her a dirty look than speak to her, she even looks at the other girls like they are not good enough.
I feel everyone gets it in the end one way or another.
Last tramatic event for my daughter (14) is her hair. Took her and had it foiled in three different colors and we both love it. Now two of her friends have gone and had the same colors done to their hair. My daughter is pissed because now her hair isn't original, I have tried to tell her they did it because they like it and to not worry about it, but she just can't seem to grasp that idea.

Answer 4

It sounds like they are living their lives through their children. They probably didnt have a lot growing up and now they are probably in debt up to their eyebrows making sure everone sees how they dress and what kind of car they drive. There will always be some one out there that has to be better than you, always has to have the best of everything and no matter what you have, they have something better. How do you get over what they think of you, dont think about them. Be a leader not a follower. Do your own thing of what you want to do in life, hold your head up high when you walk down the street because you own it.

The best thing I have ever done to some one like this is when they start talking a bragging of something like thier new car. I say, yea I looked at that model very similar to the one you bought. Its okay, but I like my car cause its paid for." That gets them every time.... Hope this helps.

Answer 5

I applaud you for offering a hi as you walk by. It probably irritates the heck out of them that you would talk to them!

Teach your daughter by being an example for her. If you don't get caught up in the drama and can show her that you're confident in yourself despite how others may view you, then she'll learn to respect herself and base her self worth more on her own standards. I wish more women (and a lot of men) would step off the soap train!

Answer 6

You should not be the one worried. You hold the moral power in this situation. If anything you have the right to look down upon them. I was the same way when I was 12. After having family problems I moved in with my Aunt. Who was way different than my Mother. I started having boyfriends, because I thought it was expected... I lost my virginity at 15. I was to young. Far to young for my age. This effected my self esteem. If your daughter sees you doubting your self in turn she will doubt herself. So worry less about what the other Mothers think and more about how your daughter feels. Junior High gets harder and harder, people are forcing children to grow up faster and faster... Far before they're ready

Answer 7

Unfortunately there has been and always will be what I call "The Hair Bow Club". Teach your daughter to be a real person and she will attract other people who are kind and accepting. My granddaughter is 10 and loves soccer. We encourage it. We believe that if children are dedicated to something wholesome that will help keep them out of trouble. Have you thought of making friends with people at church who are not this way?

Some people just will not allow their children to be children. Makeup ? Dating? At 12 ? They believe that popularity is what it is all about. Not so. Success in relationships comes from the way that one treats others. Not from self-ish-ness.

Answer 8

I'm a very shy person who is far from self-sconfident and very inhibited around others. I know how you feel about the other mothers. I can't tell you how to get over the fact that you think they are talking about you because I can't either. I just try to remind myself that they are not and even if they are i don't care. I try that but it doesn't always work (though I'm getting better at it).

Answer 9

You can get over it by reminding yourself of the very things you just said...

You are an awesome mom... who is not pushing her daughter to be something that she is not.. you are only encouraging her in the things that she is interested in.. All that matters are the terms that you and your daughter are on.. and as long as those are good and loving terms.. Who gives a crap what a bunch of catty old moms who are turning their 12 year olds into the next Paris Hiltons think..

I say good for you for keeping it real..

Answer 10

Anyway of transferring her to another school? Is this a school for children of sluts? I can't believe these moms are encouraging their daughters in behavior that will only lead to trouble!!!! Stick to your guns and help your daughter to do the same. You are doing the right thing. Being an adult lasts a lifetime, being a kid just a short time.