Has anyone taken their mate back after they cheated? If so did it work out or did it fall apart ?

Question

How did you get over it if you’re still with that person?

I have been with my mate for about 3 years. The first year was great. I loved him so much and I thought he loved me. I broke the promise I made to myself that I wouldn’t have sex before marriage and lost my virginity to him. During the last two months of our first year together everything changed. He became distant, he verbally abused me, and stop coming around as much. I discovered that he was cheating with a female that he said was just a friend. We broke up for a year and a half. We reconciled because I thought that he changed. I thought that I could forgive him and move on but I'm still resentful. I don't trust him. Every time he is away from me I think he is cheating. I’m jealous of his female friends. I don’t want him to have any female friend’s period. There are times when I think he loves me and there are times when I think that he hates me. My jealousy and lack of trust causes us to fight most of the time. I'm just being insecure or should I kick him to the curb again and move on.

Please give serious answers and no insults. I can't talk to anyone that I'm close to about this because they hate him. No matter what they will tell me to leave. I need honest opinions from people who have been through this sort of thing. Thanks.

Answer 1

I have taken back someone after they cheated. BIG MISTAKE! They WILL cheat again. Once a cheat always a cheat. I was younger back then, and she was my best friend before the realtionship started. Not only did the relationship fall apart, so did the friendship.

Trust is the number one thing in any relationship. If someone cheated on you, they should not be trusted. Without trust, there is no relationship.

Answer 2

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 7 years, and about 2 1/2 years ago he cheated on me with one of his female co-workers. i had suspected for a while but could not prove it until finally she got tired of being the "other" women and called me on my cell phone and told me that they had been seeing each other for a while and that they had slept together, although he denies that he slept with her, he does admit to everything else. I was so hurt and disappointed because he promised he would not do that to me and he lied. I left him with our daughter we had together and my son. I stayed away from him for a good month or two and we finally sat down and talked about it and he absolutely promised not to cheat again, he changed jobs and everything, he has changed so much for the better, i have to tell you that after this horrible event we became so much more closer. He always wants to be with me and our kids, he doesn't hang out with his friends as much as he use to, we do lot's of family things. We even had another baby, he will be 1 years old in 2 months. But it wasn't easy, i didn't trust him for a while, i questioned every where he went and who he was with. Finally i told myself, I either have to forgive him and move on or i don't forgive and leave him, because i was driving myself crazy. So i deceided to give him the benefit of the doubt and i started to trust him and till this day he has not given me a reason to doubt him or make me wonder where he is or who he is with. He calls me all the time and let's me know where he is, who he is with and even invites me to tag along, and i never asked him to do this, he said he does it cause he never wants to hurt me again or make me wonder if he is cheating or not.

So you have to decide if you really think your relationship is worth saving and if so you need to forgive completely or it will not work. You also have to be strong and not listen to what other people think or say, this is your life not there's, they don't know how you feel or what you think. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

lose the loser. Why are you still considering him? he cheated on you! you should be pissed off and offended. There are plenty of other guys out there. Its obvious that hes just a selfish person and doesn't want to give up his own fun for you. Take some time away from him and look else where...there are plenty of other men out there that will not cheat on you and have more respect for you. I think you have every right to be jealous...he seems like a jerk and a liar.

Answer 4

I was once in your shoes. I was too shock to react when he confessed. Back then, I was naive to think that I really want to have just one man in my life. Yup..I gave my virginity to him. After his confession, he still wanted me but since then, the trust is broken and we had quite a lot of unhappy moments. Continous suspicions is tiring and I let the relationship run for years. Today i've left him. If given a turn back time, I'd leave him the moment I know he cheated.

Answer 5

been there. leave him. cuz ur gonna be miserable all the friggin time. u want to trust him, but ur mind tells u that u shouldnt. and everytime u don't know what he's doing. u become paranoid. etc etc. its a real strain on urself. when he tells u he's not cheating. can u believe him? u don't know.

its better to just leave him and find someone else. start new. look for someone who respects u enough not to cheat on you.

anyways, whatever u decide. i hope u will be happy with that decision.

Answer 6

i dated a pervious bf for 3 years and found out he cheated on me. i was really angry and broke up with him for about 2 weeks. i took him back after that and nothing was ever the same. when we had sex, all i could do was think about him cheating on me. when i couldn't get in touch with him, i'd obsess about where he was and if he was cheating on me. all in all, i became obsessed with these ideas and suspicions. it really hurt my self-esteem and consumed me emotionally. obviously, it didn't work out. we stayed together for about 6 months after that and then we broke up. it's your life and i know it's really hard for you, but he violated the foundation of your relationship: trust. i don't think it's possible to build that back up after it's been destroyed by infidelity. i just don't believe a relationship can return to what it was after something as devastating as that. i wish i could be more help to you, but i still wish you the best of luck with your problem.

Answer 7

didn't work, ended up getting played over and over, i don't want 2 say once a cheater always a cheater but it's hard 2 find someone that will actually b honest after cheating on there partner, if they did it once they'll feel they can do it again, in my opinion don't do it, goodluck.

Answer 8

If you can't let go of your jealousy, you cannot stay with him. If you forgive him, you have to really forgive him. That means you can't throw it in his face every time you fight.

However, I see a bigger problem here. He's verbally abusive? Do NOT put up with that. Verbal abuse escalates into physical abuse. It really sounds like you guys need to go to counseling - IF you want to stay together and make it work.

The big question is, is it even worth it to you? You have a lot of history together, but you're young. You can find someone who is not abusive and doesn't cheat. I think you sort of answered your own question, because it doesn't really sound like you want to keep him. Best of luck my dear.

Answer 9

dont take the cheater back....there's always gonna be a trust issue....and the relationship won't work out.....everytime you guys fight the cheating will creep in the argument.....forget the cheater....move on

Answer 10

no, when someone cheats once they are most likely to do it again so fire this chump